New, new, new.
Ever see the waters part and the path light up like bioluminescence in the night ocean? I have. And when I have, I have been right every time. I ended up here, that way.
Merry...stuff. Festivus, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, Christmas, Winter Solstice, life......whatever it is you want to celebrate.
A random person punched the lights out of one of my best friends this morning. For no reason at all. Dude walked up, asked for the time, clocked my buddy and ran off with his phone. And yet he was still able (my buddy, that is) to make jokes, drink the champy and eat some seriously decadent food in enjoyment.
I'm on this perspective kick and this damn blog is coming off more like a diary than I'd really like, but whatevs. Ish happens. Plus, I am at that perfect point where the chilled air of the night is flooding in the windows and mixing with the heated air inside, while I listen to my boy Miguel and stare out the windows at a couple hundred years of history, a couple months of personal evolution and a couple weeks of ear to ear grins.
Swept away willingly by the strongest tide.....floating on my back, music in my ears, staring up at the infinity of the stars.
Awwww SHIT!
25 December, 2012
21 December, 2012
first day....
I'll do the obligatory 'it's the end of the world and we know it....and I feel fiiiiiine', thing. Got to give something up to REM for coining the phrase that is probably being most used today and for the next few days.
But seriously....if this is what the end of the world - or an era - feels like, well sign me up. Haven't been so happy or hopeful in half a decade. I woke up this morning feeling amazing, with all smiles and I'm hoping this continues in perpetuity, 'cause I could get used to that shit, for sure.
And this has me thinking.....whether or not the end of whatever is metaphorical or real, isn't it a perfect time to take stock and live with intention - like it really is the first day of the rest of your life? And wouldn't it be nice to start right now and make a habit of finding joy somewhere in every day? It's there for the finding, just a matter of attitude and perspective.
Happy first day of the world....
But seriously....if this is what the end of the world - or an era - feels like, well sign me up. Haven't been so happy or hopeful in half a decade. I woke up this morning feeling amazing, with all smiles and I'm hoping this continues in perpetuity, 'cause I could get used to that shit, for sure.
And this has me thinking.....whether or not the end of whatever is metaphorical or real, isn't it a perfect time to take stock and live with intention - like it really is the first day of the rest of your life? And wouldn't it be nice to start right now and make a habit of finding joy somewhere in every day? It's there for the finding, just a matter of attitude and perspective.
Happy first day of the world....
17 December, 2012
guns
But assault weapons? No. No way is that necessary in our society today, or ever. No way is it a good idea to keep yourself or your kids locked away in a room staring at a screen and fake-killing people. No way is it okay to get off on violence of any kind. I don't believe violence and cruelty are dominant tenets of human nature. Those things are cultivated, those fires stoked by a culture steeped in one-upsmanship and sensationalism.
Today Joe Scarborough - someone for whom I have respect but with whom I often don't agree - gave a stunning monologue on his show. When a guy of such previously unshakable conviction becomes introspective and changes his beliefs, I think it is worth some attention.
It's time to change. Now. One change will affect more change and that can only serve as a way to start reversing our society's tragic outlook on violence. I agree wholeheartedly with you on this one, Joe. And I am going to look into how I can be a part of affecting change.
10 December, 2012
grits
I went to Ted's Bulletin for breakfast again this morning (Sunday). That place never, ever disappoints. Probably because they have "adult milkshakes". Look 'em up. Today they had the special - which our cute waiter said "was descended upon and devoured by the staff, at tasting" - consisting of a house smoked salmon cake atop grits, with a poached egg, drizzled with hollandaise. It was decadent and amazing. I will think about that meal for a while. I will also probably do an extra two hours of steady state this week to make up for it, but it was worth every bite.
The people at the table next to us were doing daytime drinking and were apparently quite a ways into that process. Other people's drunkenness is only fun when you, too, are drinking. When you are tired or have a slight tinge of hangover and just want to bury your face in the plate of joy in front of you, their antics are only annoying. Nothing is so funny to require a round of belly-laughs every ten minutes on a Sunday morning, jerks.
Isn't that how it is? The nonsense is only funny when it's your nonsense. Otherwise, you will sit there all like 'oh emm gee what the crap is wrong with these obnoxious scamps?' Because, deep down we are all a bunch of hypocrites.
Later, I found a chef's knife that I will now fixate on, at Union Market, once we rolled ourselves away from brunch. The gentleman I spoke with was advising me while sharpening a $900 knife on a whetstone. I want to be of the means where I could walk into a marketplace and just pick up a $900 chef's knife, for fun. If I could do that however, I could probably also afford a $26 sandalwood and tobacco candle and a $41 old apothecary bottle, which I would purchase for decorative purposes and then put in the chotchky section of my kitchen.
Of course, I need a kitchen that can handle a chotchky section, first. But man, those grits and salmon were out of control.
The people at the table next to us were doing daytime drinking and were apparently quite a ways into that process. Other people's drunkenness is only fun when you, too, are drinking. When you are tired or have a slight tinge of hangover and just want to bury your face in the plate of joy in front of you, their antics are only annoying. Nothing is so funny to require a round of belly-laughs every ten minutes on a Sunday morning, jerks.
Isn't that how it is? The nonsense is only funny when it's your nonsense. Otherwise, you will sit there all like 'oh emm gee what the crap is wrong with these obnoxious scamps?' Because, deep down we are all a bunch of hypocrites.
Later, I found a chef's knife that I will now fixate on, at Union Market, once we rolled ourselves away from brunch. The gentleman I spoke with was advising me while sharpening a $900 knife on a whetstone. I want to be of the means where I could walk into a marketplace and just pick up a $900 chef's knife, for fun. If I could do that however, I could probably also afford a $26 sandalwood and tobacco candle and a $41 old apothecary bottle, which I would purchase for decorative purposes and then put in the chotchky section of my kitchen.
Of course, I need a kitchen that can handle a chotchky section, first. But man, those grits and salmon were out of control.
02 December, 2012
party's over
I am repeatedly struck and horrified by the ignorance and misplaced zealotry of the greater right wing. I am disturbed by the polarization of our country and appalled by the staunchness and commitment to telling and retelling untruths and counting them as fact.
Here are some facts:
1. Global warming is a real thing.
1a. Attempts by the Koch brothers, et al, to squash legislation to reduce the U.S.'s carbon footprint and invest in alternative energies cost us the ability to be at the forefront of developing that technology and creating thousands jobs. You'll note that job creation is how they justify their putrid existence.
2. What people do in their bedrooms - provided it is consensual - is none of your business.
3. The decisions a woman makes about her body and all things related to it, including whether or not to give birth, should she be impregnated, is also none of your business.
4. Religion has no place in government.
5. Antiquated white men are not the proper group to be making decisions for a country that is completely diversified, yet has no representation to reflect said diversity.
6. Anger and a lack of dialogue that is minded toward compromise and forward progress is stunting.
7. A lack of regulation, leads to crises in nearly every single area where regulation has been proposed. as it pertains to financial matters, see: stock market crash and subsequent depression, see also, market crash of 2008 and subsequent deep recession, still existing today.
I can go on and on and on, but in short, we are in a terrible state where swaths of untraveled, uneducated masses seem to believe that god and assault weapons are somehow platforms for logical decision making.
Tea party, you disgust me.
Here are some facts:
1. Global warming is a real thing.
1a. Attempts by the Koch brothers, et al, to squash legislation to reduce the U.S.'s carbon footprint and invest in alternative energies cost us the ability to be at the forefront of developing that technology and creating thousands jobs. You'll note that job creation is how they justify their putrid existence.
2. What people do in their bedrooms - provided it is consensual - is none of your business.
3. The decisions a woman makes about her body and all things related to it, including whether or not to give birth, should she be impregnated, is also none of your business.
4. Religion has no place in government.
5. Antiquated white men are not the proper group to be making decisions for a country that is completely diversified, yet has no representation to reflect said diversity.
6. Anger and a lack of dialogue that is minded toward compromise and forward progress is stunting.
7. A lack of regulation, leads to crises in nearly every single area where regulation has been proposed. as it pertains to financial matters, see: stock market crash and subsequent depression, see also, market crash of 2008 and subsequent deep recession, still existing today.
I can go on and on and on, but in short, we are in a terrible state where swaths of untraveled, uneducated masses seem to believe that god and assault weapons are somehow platforms for logical decision making.
Tea party, you disgust me.
28 November, 2012
on the x
This is relatively boring as far as the high drama / ranting type post goes, but it was poignant enough that I decided to write about it.
So I'm friends with my ex on facebook now. No, not the asshole ex, the good one.
I know, hard to keep them straight, right? Come to think of it, that's not true - it's not hard to keep them straight at all. I've had a handful of serious-ish relationships in my life, and two or three that were significant. The two that are the most polar however, are the aforementioned d-bag, a-hole, and my new facebook friend, who happens to be one of the most amazing people I have ever known in my life.
Short story short, we dated for about 2.5 years, during college. He was my best friend and continued to be even after we broke up. He treated me better than anyone had before or since and is one of the most genuinely good and kind-hearted human beings I have ever had the pleasure to know. We broke up mostly because of me and the fact that I wasn't ready for the inevitable, were we to stay together. We consoled each other through our own break up and even hung out afterward, on a regular basis. Time passed. We stayed amicable and when we have run into each other, it has been a truly happy experience.
He is married now, to a great and very smart woman and they just had their first baby. These things make me genuinely happy for him. Seriously. As it turns out, I am not sad or jealous or wondering what-if, because I think things went how they were supposed to go. But still....it's kind of weird to be friends fifteen years down the line, with someone who saw me at my most vulnerable and with whom I shared so much and then parted ways for about thirteen of those years between then and now.
In trading messages, I was sort of struck by how far I had let my standards fall in the dating arena. I'm not glory-days-ing that relationship at all, by the way. He really was that good to me and I really did let my standards slip. Of course, I can't blame my spinsterhood entirely on lower standards. I have shunned relationships for a long, long, long time in favor of so many other things that require less mental and emotional energy, or at least require them in different capacities. I have no complaints and no regrets.
I guess the point here is, in the most truly platonic and genuine sense, it is possible to have love for someone you once loved and it is possible to hear about their happy life and be happy. I learned that yesterday and it was quite refreshing. I like refreshing....it's kind of nice, compared to the alternative.
Go grownups!
So I'm friends with my ex on facebook now. No, not the asshole ex, the good one.
I know, hard to keep them straight, right? Come to think of it, that's not true - it's not hard to keep them straight at all. I've had a handful of serious-ish relationships in my life, and two or three that were significant. The two that are the most polar however, are the aforementioned d-bag, a-hole, and my new facebook friend, who happens to be one of the most amazing people I have ever known in my life.
Short story short, we dated for about 2.5 years, during college. He was my best friend and continued to be even after we broke up. He treated me better than anyone had before or since and is one of the most genuinely good and kind-hearted human beings I have ever had the pleasure to know. We broke up mostly because of me and the fact that I wasn't ready for the inevitable, were we to stay together. We consoled each other through our own break up and even hung out afterward, on a regular basis. Time passed. We stayed amicable and when we have run into each other, it has been a truly happy experience.
He is married now, to a great and very smart woman and they just had their first baby. These things make me genuinely happy for him. Seriously. As it turns out, I am not sad or jealous or wondering what-if, because I think things went how they were supposed to go. But still....it's kind of weird to be friends fifteen years down the line, with someone who saw me at my most vulnerable and with whom I shared so much and then parted ways for about thirteen of those years between then and now.
In trading messages, I was sort of struck by how far I had let my standards fall in the dating arena. I'm not glory-days-ing that relationship at all, by the way. He really was that good to me and I really did let my standards slip. Of course, I can't blame my spinsterhood entirely on lower standards. I have shunned relationships for a long, long, long time in favor of so many other things that require less mental and emotional energy, or at least require them in different capacities. I have no complaints and no regrets.
I guess the point here is, in the most truly platonic and genuine sense, it is possible to have love for someone you once loved and it is possible to hear about their happy life and be happy. I learned that yesterday and it was quite refreshing. I like refreshing....it's kind of nice, compared to the alternative.
Go grownups!
24 November, 2012
thank goodness
I believe in the good in people.
Yes, I truly do believe in it and it's a good way to be.
That is all.
Yes, I truly do believe in it and it's a good way to be.
That is all.
21 November, 2012
juice & cabs
This is not a clever title. I'm really going to write about juice and cabs, so brace yourselves. You may not think these two things go together and, of course, you're right. They don't.
I feel the need to open a discussion on DC cabs however, because I can't believe that no one has raised serious objection to this system before. I am not one of those people who comes down to DC and goes on and on about "well, in New York....", but here, I feel I must.
In New York, the cabs are all on the medallion system. The system is streamlined, the cabs look the same, have the same fares, and are more or less efficient. If you tell a cabbie that you need to get somewhere as fast as humanly possible, dude will put both your lives on the line to make that happen, as it should be. I personally think that Manhattan should be a cabs-only island, but that's a discussion for another time. The point is, the cabbie drives aggressively, you have your choice of payment method and they pull as far out of the way of general traffic when picking you up and dropping you off, as possible, so as not to disrupt everyone else's progress.
This is soooooooooo not the case in DC. I don't know where they get these reject cabbies and their system, but it's a bunch of malarky. My major gripes are three (followed by a series of more minor ones):
1. When a cab comes to pick you up or drop you off, they pick the most inconvenient location for both you - the passenger - and the rest of the traffic on the road. They obstruct as many other people as possible, causing a bottleneck and a bunch of dirty looks and honks, etc. Why? Why not just pull over to the curb and let people get on with their business, all while allowing the passenger to not have to hurdle or lunge to get into the cab?
2. The cabs in DC drive sooooooooooo s l o w. I mean molasses in winter, slow. Glacially slow. Me trying to sprint while running, slow. Am I painting a clear enough picture here? So I say "I need to get to 14th and U, as fast as possible please" and dude goes 20 miles an hour on an unobstructed road. Literally. No other cars to clog things up and dude is cruising at a leisurely 20 miles an hour. So I say "um, sir, I understand if you don't want to speed, but could you maybe at least go the speed limit, so I can get where I need to go?" He sped up to 22. I did not tip him.
3. You MUST have cash. This just blows. I realize that forever and ever in New York until only a few years ago, all cabs were on a cash only system. But then came the invention of the handy little in-cab swiper and now I feel like that ought to be implemented everywhere. There are 2309428 cab companies in DC and then some from MD and VA who occasionally try and grab some DC business, despite it being illegal. Not a one has a damn credit card swiper. This is just beyond unreasonable to me. This is a booming metropolis with a global contingent of fares. Get with the program, guys. I'm not even going to get into the bs rates, which are then run up by the Flintstones driving speed. Just make it easier for people. The number of fares you pick up in a day will increase dramatically and you won't have to gouge the shit out of those who do hop in.
My new, fun game is getting kicked out of cabs for yelling at the cab drivers for various things. The side benefit to getting kicked out, by the way, is that you get several blocks worth of free progress on your trip, which cuts down on the aforementioned aggravations. But hey....if you are holding your cell phone in one hand or have it pressed between your shoulder and your ear while you are trying to squire me about, I'm going to yell at you for it, because that is, or should be, illegal. If you kick me out, your loss. You shouldn't be driving 14 mph and chatting away, anyway. I will put up with your stinky cab, the bizarre decorations, your wacky music and the lot. But you cannot talk on the phone and / or drive like an octegenarian and get away with it.
I guess New York did leave some things with me. But seriously, being that this is a town of activists and people who like to squawk for change, I may just organize a contingent to noise things up and finally get some logical driving going on. Until then, I will walk or take the bus, thank you.
Oh and for the juice part, I'm on day 5-ish of adding the juice in during the day and then having a normal, healthy dinner and I feel like a million bucks. That juicer was worth it and I am still down a net of 15 pounds as of a couple of days ago, before this even kicked in, so yay to that.
And there it is. Juice and cabs.
I feel the need to open a discussion on DC cabs however, because I can't believe that no one has raised serious objection to this system before. I am not one of those people who comes down to DC and goes on and on about "well, in New York....", but here, I feel I must.
In New York, the cabs are all on the medallion system. The system is streamlined, the cabs look the same, have the same fares, and are more or less efficient. If you tell a cabbie that you need to get somewhere as fast as humanly possible, dude will put both your lives on the line to make that happen, as it should be. I personally think that Manhattan should be a cabs-only island, but that's a discussion for another time. The point is, the cabbie drives aggressively, you have your choice of payment method and they pull as far out of the way of general traffic when picking you up and dropping you off, as possible, so as not to disrupt everyone else's progress.
This is soooooooooo not the case in DC. I don't know where they get these reject cabbies and their system, but it's a bunch of malarky. My major gripes are three (followed by a series of more minor ones):
1. When a cab comes to pick you up or drop you off, they pick the most inconvenient location for both you - the passenger - and the rest of the traffic on the road. They obstruct as many other people as possible, causing a bottleneck and a bunch of dirty looks and honks, etc. Why? Why not just pull over to the curb and let people get on with their business, all while allowing the passenger to not have to hurdle or lunge to get into the cab?
2. The cabs in DC drive sooooooooooo s l o w. I mean molasses in winter, slow. Glacially slow. Me trying to sprint while running, slow. Am I painting a clear enough picture here? So I say "I need to get to 14th and U, as fast as possible please" and dude goes 20 miles an hour on an unobstructed road. Literally. No other cars to clog things up and dude is cruising at a leisurely 20 miles an hour. So I say "um, sir, I understand if you don't want to speed, but could you maybe at least go the speed limit, so I can get where I need to go?" He sped up to 22. I did not tip him.
3. You MUST have cash. This just blows. I realize that forever and ever in New York until only a few years ago, all cabs were on a cash only system. But then came the invention of the handy little in-cab swiper and now I feel like that ought to be implemented everywhere. There are 2309428 cab companies in DC and then some from MD and VA who occasionally try and grab some DC business, despite it being illegal. Not a one has a damn credit card swiper. This is just beyond unreasonable to me. This is a booming metropolis with a global contingent of fares. Get with the program, guys. I'm not even going to get into the bs rates, which are then run up by the Flintstones driving speed. Just make it easier for people. The number of fares you pick up in a day will increase dramatically and you won't have to gouge the shit out of those who do hop in.
My new, fun game is getting kicked out of cabs for yelling at the cab drivers for various things. The side benefit to getting kicked out, by the way, is that you get several blocks worth of free progress on your trip, which cuts down on the aforementioned aggravations. But hey....if you are holding your cell phone in one hand or have it pressed between your shoulder and your ear while you are trying to squire me about, I'm going to yell at you for it, because that is, or should be, illegal. If you kick me out, your loss. You shouldn't be driving 14 mph and chatting away, anyway. I will put up with your stinky cab, the bizarre decorations, your wacky music and the lot. But you cannot talk on the phone and / or drive like an octegenarian and get away with it.
I guess New York did leave some things with me. But seriously, being that this is a town of activists and people who like to squawk for change, I may just organize a contingent to noise things up and finally get some logical driving going on. Until then, I will walk or take the bus, thank you.
Oh and for the juice part, I'm on day 5-ish of adding the juice in during the day and then having a normal, healthy dinner and I feel like a million bucks. That juicer was worth it and I am still down a net of 15 pounds as of a couple of days ago, before this even kicked in, so yay to that.
And there it is. Juice and cabs.
16 November, 2012
nodes
I can feel the bitchiness creeping in. Good thing it's the weekend.
So turns out if you push your body really, super, extra hard, it will rebel against you and ultimately have the last laugh by just closing up shop and blowing the circuit board of your functioning systems right up. Periodically, I like to test the theory to see if this is still the case and today I can report that yep, still how things work.
After almost 6 full weeks of extreme sickness, which was uniquely concentrated solely on my throat and the surrounding lymph nodes it then, in the final two and a half weeks, migrated to my left sinuses, because they apparently wanted in on the action. My lymph nodes were so big that my neck had balls. Like you could actually see them sticking out to the sides. I still went in to work, of course.
Fear ye not dear reader, I obtained drugs. I wish they were the kind that would take my brain into another, non-right-now dimension and let me crack up and stuff my face, but alas, it was just amoxicillin.
I got better, but just in time for my birthday, a bunch of shenanigans and the amazing destination wedding of two of my dearest friends. So basically I got better and then proceeded to drink booze and eat decadent food, like it was my job. I am now utterly disgusted with myself, so drastic measures have been taken.
I periodically do a little juice cleanse gig in order to keep the system fresh, but this time, I have taken it to new heights. I bought the damn juicer myself. The only drawback of this process is that after you have skipped a few quarters of maintenance, been sick and then partied like a barely legal celebrity, shit hurts. I scream to the toxins to get out, but for the first few days, they just sit here thrashing me with headaches and reminding me of the good ol' days when they ran the roost. This is where the bitchiness comes in.
According to those around me, my perceived bitchiness is nothing of the sort, to the outside observer, but if everyone could hear my internal monologue during this time, they might be afraid. The juice is tasty, though. Anyway, the point is, I may chronicle this particular journey, because I intend to do this round for longer than usual and sort of scientifically (-ish) note what is happening. So stay tuned is what I'm saying, I guess.
And all this hubbub about Hostess going out of business just annoys me (maybe because I'm bitchy today). But seriously people, the twinkies and ding dongs and whatever other plastic food they make will outlive us all. The things can be left in their packages on a shelf for 25 years and have no discernible change in constitution. I've seen proof of this. Get over it. Your plasticized, disgusting snacks will still be there for you whenever you want them, I promise. Someone will have a case on ebay in about 3 years.
That is all. Queen bitch signing out.
So turns out if you push your body really, super, extra hard, it will rebel against you and ultimately have the last laugh by just closing up shop and blowing the circuit board of your functioning systems right up. Periodically, I like to test the theory to see if this is still the case and today I can report that yep, still how things work.
After almost 6 full weeks of extreme sickness, which was uniquely concentrated solely on my throat and the surrounding lymph nodes it then, in the final two and a half weeks, migrated to my left sinuses, because they apparently wanted in on the action. My lymph nodes were so big that my neck had balls. Like you could actually see them sticking out to the sides. I still went in to work, of course.
Fear ye not dear reader, I obtained drugs. I wish they were the kind that would take my brain into another, non-right-now dimension and let me crack up and stuff my face, but alas, it was just amoxicillin.
I got better, but just in time for my birthday, a bunch of shenanigans and the amazing destination wedding of two of my dearest friends. So basically I got better and then proceeded to drink booze and eat decadent food, like it was my job. I am now utterly disgusted with myself, so drastic measures have been taken.
I periodically do a little juice cleanse gig in order to keep the system fresh, but this time, I have taken it to new heights. I bought the damn juicer myself. The only drawback of this process is that after you have skipped a few quarters of maintenance, been sick and then partied like a barely legal celebrity, shit hurts. I scream to the toxins to get out, but for the first few days, they just sit here thrashing me with headaches and reminding me of the good ol' days when they ran the roost. This is where the bitchiness comes in.
According to those around me, my perceived bitchiness is nothing of the sort, to the outside observer, but if everyone could hear my internal monologue during this time, they might be afraid. The juice is tasty, though. Anyway, the point is, I may chronicle this particular journey, because I intend to do this round for longer than usual and sort of scientifically (-ish) note what is happening. So stay tuned is what I'm saying, I guess.
And all this hubbub about Hostess going out of business just annoys me (maybe because I'm bitchy today). But seriously people, the twinkies and ding dongs and whatever other plastic food they make will outlive us all. The things can be left in their packages on a shelf for 25 years and have no discernible change in constitution. I've seen proof of this. Get over it. Your plasticized, disgusting snacks will still be there for you whenever you want them, I promise. Someone will have a case on ebay in about 3 years.
That is all. Queen bitch signing out.
07 November, 2012
relief
A friend said - and I agree - that she would like to index the number of Republicans who are adamant that Obama be voted out of office because he didn't magically heal the economy and all of our country's woes within 3.5 years, with the divorce rates of those voters. It would clearly show which among them are only in something for the short term and have no sense of sticking to something and coming up with real, steady and viable solutions and then implementing those solutions and enduring the progress.
For my birthday (which was the best I've had in years), I got my best friends around me, a lot of laughs, a president I have faith in and a record number of women in policy-making positions. One in five senate members is now a woman. All in all, it's been a great last few days. Sorry angry white dudes, your stranglehold is running out and your misogynist, racist, classist days are numbered.
I will expound on this later, but guess what? We actually DO need higher taxes. Bush had a surplus, started two wars, squandered that surplus and then had no way to pay for anything. Coupled with the fact that our financial system resisted the absolutely necessary oversight that only Blakeslee Born had the cajones to insist upon, and plunged millions of people, the world's economy and our precious, over-consumer-driven ways of life down the shitter, we are thrust back to an FDR-esque state where it will take time, patience and cooperation to rebuild.
During your precious 1950's, the lower of the tax rates was upwards of sixty or seventy percent, with the highest rate being at ninety, and that was the most economically prosperous thirty year run our country has ever had. So zip it, because no one is proposing going back to those rates, just getting us on our feet again. Oh, remember Clinton and his "exhorbitant" tax rates? Surplus, balanced budget. Shut up.
For now however, I am SUPER excited to live within walking distance of the White House and the national mall, so that I can go and watch my president be inaugurated, in person. That is a really cool feeling and it was worth staying up until 2am to have it.
Also, Obama's speech was amazing. And that's all for Wednesday, folks.
For my birthday (which was the best I've had in years), I got my best friends around me, a lot of laughs, a president I have faith in and a record number of women in policy-making positions. One in five senate members is now a woman. All in all, it's been a great last few days. Sorry angry white dudes, your stranglehold is running out and your misogynist, racist, classist days are numbered.
I will expound on this later, but guess what? We actually DO need higher taxes. Bush had a surplus, started two wars, squandered that surplus and then had no way to pay for anything. Coupled with the fact that our financial system resisted the absolutely necessary oversight that only Blakeslee Born had the cajones to insist upon, and plunged millions of people, the world's economy and our precious, over-consumer-driven ways of life down the shitter, we are thrust back to an FDR-esque state where it will take time, patience and cooperation to rebuild.
During your precious 1950's, the lower of the tax rates was upwards of sixty or seventy percent, with the highest rate being at ninety, and that was the most economically prosperous thirty year run our country has ever had. So zip it, because no one is proposing going back to those rates, just getting us on our feet again. Oh, remember Clinton and his "exhorbitant" tax rates? Surplus, balanced budget. Shut up.
For now however, I am SUPER excited to live within walking distance of the White House and the national mall, so that I can go and watch my president be inaugurated, in person. That is a really cool feeling and it was worth staying up until 2am to have it.
Also, Obama's speech was amazing. And that's all for Wednesday, folks.
18 October, 2012
shade
I had this whole post worked out in my head earlier and then I started learning how to calculate the present value of bonds and the difference between trading and available for sale. Post gone.
The basic question remains, however. Why are people shady? Perhaps I should be kinder. I meant why do people feel the need to ACT shady? It's a concept I have never understood and it doesn't seem I will anytime soon. In my world - the world in which only I and a few other rational, non-overly dramatic people reside - if you have something to say, or you are mulling a potentially unpleasant subject (related to another person), you find a palatable way to say it and do so. Even if it may not be so easy, you tell the truth and avoid leaving people hanging. In short, you keep the air clear and the lines open. It's just an easier way to be.
This is why when people avoid things, lie by omission, lie by lying, or simply disappear, it is confusing to me. I just don't get it. Does this approach work? I mean, it must, or people wouldn't do it, right? But how does it work and for how long? It seems to me that letting things fester or remain unresolved only brings more pain and / or drama in the end, and thus is easily deemed to be not worth it, in the first place.
This is not necessarily about me, or my experiences (of which there are many) with the shadiness that is so rampant out there, mind you. It's unbelievably omnipresent, this activity; I see it happening all around me everyday. It befuddles me when my friends and loved ones detail encounters (or lack thereof) with shady behavior where it is just not necessary, in the workplace, in relationships, with friends and in personal business transactions.
Take a lesson people: hiding from things, disappearing and being otherwise shady and unforthcoming makes you weak and lame and a complete pussy. Don't be a weak, lame, pussy. Deal with your shit, friends.
And now that I've said that, I don't really know what can follow, so....post over.
The basic question remains, however. Why are people shady? Perhaps I should be kinder. I meant why do people feel the need to ACT shady? It's a concept I have never understood and it doesn't seem I will anytime soon. In my world - the world in which only I and a few other rational, non-overly dramatic people reside - if you have something to say, or you are mulling a potentially unpleasant subject (related to another person), you find a palatable way to say it and do so. Even if it may not be so easy, you tell the truth and avoid leaving people hanging. In short, you keep the air clear and the lines open. It's just an easier way to be.
This is why when people avoid things, lie by omission, lie by lying, or simply disappear, it is confusing to me. I just don't get it. Does this approach work? I mean, it must, or people wouldn't do it, right? But how does it work and for how long? It seems to me that letting things fester or remain unresolved only brings more pain and / or drama in the end, and thus is easily deemed to be not worth it, in the first place.
This is not necessarily about me, or my experiences (of which there are many) with the shadiness that is so rampant out there, mind you. It's unbelievably omnipresent, this activity; I see it happening all around me everyday. It befuddles me when my friends and loved ones detail encounters (or lack thereof) with shady behavior where it is just not necessary, in the workplace, in relationships, with friends and in personal business transactions.
Take a lesson people: hiding from things, disappearing and being otherwise shady and unforthcoming makes you weak and lame and a complete pussy. Don't be a weak, lame, pussy. Deal with your shit, friends.
And now that I've said that, I don't really know what can follow, so....post over.
25 September, 2012
mac
It's true, what they said. This actually did haunt my soul.
What am I gonna do now?
Seriously, with a laundry list like that, how can I ever go back to my guilty pleasure?
I died a little inside, today.
What am I gonna do now?
Seriously, with a laundry list like that, how can I ever go back to my guilty pleasure?
I died a little inside, today.
12 September, 2012
notes
My my how time flies. So let's see....observations....
I don't see crazy people yelling or talking to themselves down here, nearly as much as I did in NY, so it makes me kind of happy in a sick way, when I do. Yesterday on the bus ride to work there was an adorable little girl, probably about two years old, with the pigtails and the yellow dress and the whole bit. She was pretty quiet and would occasionally squirm in her seat, but she wasn't fussing and was just commenting on colors and such. We all enjoyed watching her on her bus ride discovery mission.
Except for the crotchety old homeless dude sitting across from her. He was yelling at her and at one point he said "what the fuck is wrong with you?! Didn't your parents ever teach you anything?"
I interjected for a second - for my own amusement, of course - and said "um, sir....they might not have gotten that far in the last two years." He scowled.
Chances are good I will be quitting my job at this company, whose mission I love, because I was overpromised on how they would be willing to work around school. This, I think, is a good, albeit insanely scary thing. Why can't people hold up their end of the deal? Ever? See, I can't work sixty hours a week and carry two classes, one of which is insanely difficult and requires about ten study hours a week. Sorry folks, but I did tell you that before I signed the offer letter.
Oh and last - and probably most funski - I woke (again) to a nightmare that seemed all too real, that my ex was stalking me with a gun and threatening to shoot me. He was sitting there, tapping it against his teeth and waving it casually around, in my direction. When I got away from him and went somewhere I thought I was safe, he coerced someone to let him in, because he had his old military uniform on. I wish i could tell you I believe this to be completely unrealistic, but alas, I do not, since he detailed his stalking to me, at one point. I'm telling you folks, never go out with an angry person. Just don't do it.
Okay then. My brain is overflowing with probability distribution and I think I need to turn it off, now. Mkay.
I don't see crazy people yelling or talking to themselves down here, nearly as much as I did in NY, so it makes me kind of happy in a sick way, when I do. Yesterday on the bus ride to work there was an adorable little girl, probably about two years old, with the pigtails and the yellow dress and the whole bit. She was pretty quiet and would occasionally squirm in her seat, but she wasn't fussing and was just commenting on colors and such. We all enjoyed watching her on her bus ride discovery mission.
Except for the crotchety old homeless dude sitting across from her. He was yelling at her and at one point he said "what the fuck is wrong with you?! Didn't your parents ever teach you anything?"
I interjected for a second - for my own amusement, of course - and said "um, sir....they might not have gotten that far in the last two years." He scowled.
Chances are good I will be quitting my job at this company, whose mission I love, because I was overpromised on how they would be willing to work around school. This, I think, is a good, albeit insanely scary thing. Why can't people hold up their end of the deal? Ever? See, I can't work sixty hours a week and carry two classes, one of which is insanely difficult and requires about ten study hours a week. Sorry folks, but I did tell you that before I signed the offer letter.
Oh and last - and probably most funski - I woke (again) to a nightmare that seemed all too real, that my ex was stalking me with a gun and threatening to shoot me. He was sitting there, tapping it against his teeth and waving it casually around, in my direction. When I got away from him and went somewhere I thought I was safe, he coerced someone to let him in, because he had his old military uniform on. I wish i could tell you I believe this to be completely unrealistic, but alas, I do not, since he detailed his stalking to me, at one point. I'm telling you folks, never go out with an angry person. Just don't do it.
Okay then. My brain is overflowing with probability distribution and I think I need to turn it off, now. Mkay.
30 August, 2012
idiocracy
Republicans make me tired. Not all of them mind you, but as a collective group.....man, what a bunch of wackos. Even Reagan couldn't be a republican by today's standards and he has been their go-to reminiscing guy for several presidential cycles. I heard they were going to teleport him in for the RNC, giving his posthumous approval of Mittens. Cause that's realistic. The Gipper would have been like whuuuuut? You people are truly nuts.
According to Paul Ryan (who is raging against all sorts of things, like women, gays, minorities and equality - but was told to fuck off by Tom Morello) "[they] are going to win these debate (sic)". YEEAAAHHH!!!! It's almost too good. I see on the Facebook - which we all know is the arbiter of all fact and reality - it's perfectly okay that Mittens doesn't release his taxes (but it wasn't okay for Obama not to), and it's great that he has paid any at all, for that matter. I mean, look, he said he never paid below 13%. Um, excuse me? Can I fucking pay 13% taxes, please? How does it not strike any of those people - most of whom are paying in the thirty percent range - as odd? Really people?
It's okay that Willard doesn't articulate any plans as to what he's actually going to DO (everyone demanded a 4029342 point plan from Obama and then lambasted him when it wasn't all accomplished in the first two years). It's okay that the overall financial proposals of this Republican ticket, basically fuck over everyone who is not a member of the two-person Republican ticket. How do the very people in the middle class who are stumping for these jackasses not see that they, themselves are going to get screwed with a smile and no lube, by the very people they are trying to put into office? It's astounding. But hey, as long as it's not Obama, right? I mean, the guy that wants to bolster the middle class and cut the number of people who are wallowing in poverty due to the efficacy of trickle down economics....well, he's just all bad.
This is a rant. I'm not going to edit it and I'm probably not even going to spell check it, so if it comes out as disjointed, I don't care. I'm just truly mystified as to what happened to all the logical Republicans in the world. When did they ALL become bigoted, hating, fear-mongering, god-wielding wackos? It used to be just the far right....that small contingent of militia type people that are funny until they start talking about race wars and conspiracies. O by the way, did you know that Obama set up that movie theater shooting in Colorado? Yeah. Makes perfect sense, right?
When Obama wins again, I hope all of those people really DO move to another country, as they are threatening to do. I hope they DO go to Canada. Where they have socialized medicine. And greater rights and entitlements for their citizens. And take care of their people. It would be awesome, actually, to see how that pans out.
Mkay, buh bye.
UPDATE: This is what you get when Paul Ryan gives an empassioned speech...a bunch of completely untrue statements delivered as though they are fact.
According to Paul Ryan (who is raging against all sorts of things, like women, gays, minorities and equality - but was told to fuck off by Tom Morello) "[they] are going to win these debate (sic)". YEEAAAHHH!!!! It's almost too good. I see on the Facebook - which we all know is the arbiter of all fact and reality - it's perfectly okay that Mittens doesn't release his taxes (but it wasn't okay for Obama not to), and it's great that he has paid any at all, for that matter. I mean, look, he said he never paid below 13%. Um, excuse me? Can I fucking pay 13% taxes, please? How does it not strike any of those people - most of whom are paying in the thirty percent range - as odd? Really people?
It's okay that Willard doesn't articulate any plans as to what he's actually going to DO (everyone demanded a 4029342 point plan from Obama and then lambasted him when it wasn't all accomplished in the first two years). It's okay that the overall financial proposals of this Republican ticket, basically fuck over everyone who is not a member of the two-person Republican ticket. How do the very people in the middle class who are stumping for these jackasses not see that they, themselves are going to get screwed with a smile and no lube, by the very people they are trying to put into office? It's astounding. But hey, as long as it's not Obama, right? I mean, the guy that wants to bolster the middle class and cut the number of people who are wallowing in poverty due to the efficacy of trickle down economics....well, he's just all bad.
This is a rant. I'm not going to edit it and I'm probably not even going to spell check it, so if it comes out as disjointed, I don't care. I'm just truly mystified as to what happened to all the logical Republicans in the world. When did they ALL become bigoted, hating, fear-mongering, god-wielding wackos? It used to be just the far right....that small contingent of militia type people that are funny until they start talking about race wars and conspiracies. O by the way, did you know that Obama set up that movie theater shooting in Colorado? Yeah. Makes perfect sense, right?
When Obama wins again, I hope all of those people really DO move to another country, as they are threatening to do. I hope they DO go to Canada. Where they have socialized medicine. And greater rights and entitlements for their citizens. And take care of their people. It would be awesome, actually, to see how that pans out.
Mkay, buh bye.
UPDATE: This is what you get when Paul Ryan gives an empassioned speech...a bunch of completely untrue statements delivered as though they are fact.
27 August, 2012
toof
Everyday I start to write and everyday my penning plans are shut down by various other items, most of which I don't want to be doing. I think they call that "life", but whatever to that. School begins tomorrow, so I'm pretty sure this kind of awesome social life I have built out of thin air is about to take a nosedive. I believe they also call that "life" and whatever to that, too.
I have been existing on literally zero dollars for over two months now. I am 18 days away from the paycheck that has some funds that I'll get to keep. I should also be getting financial aid, but I've pretty much given up on that, since no one seems to give a shit if I actually pay for school or not. It's mildly infuriating, that part, but I will figure out a way to conjure books and software out of thin air, just because I have to.
The best part of the last few months - other than the incredible slew of bad, interesting and hilarious dates I have been on - is that medically, my body finally waited until I HAD insurance to get all persnickety.
So I have this tooth right.... This is a cautionary tale, by the way. So I have this tooth. One time, several years ago, I was vacationing in Mexico with a friend of mine. We were lounging in the sun, watching whales breach in the Pacific Ocean, drinking our faces off and I was eating my weight in ceviche, because the stuff they had at our resort was out of control good. I literally ate it everyday for at least one and sometimes two meals. In one of those delicious mounds of citrussy fish however, was a shell of some kind. That shell chipped my tooth. My back molar, to be precise. So of course I ignored it, because that's what I do when something hurts. About 3 days later, I pulled out the chipped piece of tooth because it was stabbing me in the gums and that's just annoying.
I did not visit the dentist.
It didn't hurt bad enough to warrant whatever the out of pocket would be, was my reasoning. I caution you never to use this logic, as it is fundamentally flawed and will cost you thousands of dollars, down the line. Lucky for me, I now have dental insurance again, because turns out I needed a root canal due to having ignored it for many years and now will need not only a crown, but a crown extension. Yeah that crack goes alllllll the way down, well below my gum line and so I get to endure multiple appointments and a couple thousand bucks, because I'm tough. Don't be tough when it comes to the chompers, people. The only person that's going to hurt is you. And o how that hurts.
Tell you what though, the other chompers are lookin pearly, though. I've been smiling a lot, so I know.
I have been existing on literally zero dollars for over two months now. I am 18 days away from the paycheck that has some funds that I'll get to keep. I should also be getting financial aid, but I've pretty much given up on that, since no one seems to give a shit if I actually pay for school or not. It's mildly infuriating, that part, but I will figure out a way to conjure books and software out of thin air, just because I have to.
The best part of the last few months - other than the incredible slew of bad, interesting and hilarious dates I have been on - is that medically, my body finally waited until I HAD insurance to get all persnickety.
So I have this tooth right.... This is a cautionary tale, by the way. So I have this tooth. One time, several years ago, I was vacationing in Mexico with a friend of mine. We were lounging in the sun, watching whales breach in the Pacific Ocean, drinking our faces off and I was eating my weight in ceviche, because the stuff they had at our resort was out of control good. I literally ate it everyday for at least one and sometimes two meals. In one of those delicious mounds of citrussy fish however, was a shell of some kind. That shell chipped my tooth. My back molar, to be precise. So of course I ignored it, because that's what I do when something hurts. About 3 days later, I pulled out the chipped piece of tooth because it was stabbing me in the gums and that's just annoying.
I did not visit the dentist.
It didn't hurt bad enough to warrant whatever the out of pocket would be, was my reasoning. I caution you never to use this logic, as it is fundamentally flawed and will cost you thousands of dollars, down the line. Lucky for me, I now have dental insurance again, because turns out I needed a root canal due to having ignored it for many years and now will need not only a crown, but a crown extension. Yeah that crack goes alllllll the way down, well below my gum line and so I get to endure multiple appointments and a couple thousand bucks, because I'm tough. Don't be tough when it comes to the chompers, people. The only person that's going to hurt is you. And o how that hurts.
Tell you what though, the other chompers are lookin pearly, though. I've been smiling a lot, so I know.
15 August, 2012
zzzzz
Sometimes it's best to know when to call it a night and this is one of those times. Before I do however, here are some things I found interesting / hilarious today:
Paul Ryan - I can go on about this for a while, but basically, I am actually really stoked that mittens chose this dbag to be his running mate. Any woman who votes for this ticket is a moron.
Getting sweated - this is just weird. Dating is weird, I choose to look at it all as curious and funny. I continue to do my thing.
Budgeting - I am in charge of writing the 2013 budget for my department, despite only having been there a few weeks. They must know how much time I spend on excel, tirelessly poring over my own measly finances and coming up with money where before, none existed.
Maureen Dowd - We are friends on facebook. I can't even begin to describe how stoked this makes me.
Mac n' Cheese - I don't like pasta or processed foods much at all, but this evil, blue-boxed treasure continues to woo me at least once a pay period.
And now, we sleep.
Paul Ryan - I can go on about this for a while, but basically, I am actually really stoked that mittens chose this dbag to be his running mate. Any woman who votes for this ticket is a moron.
Getting sweated - this is just weird. Dating is weird, I choose to look at it all as curious and funny. I continue to do my thing.
Budgeting - I am in charge of writing the 2013 budget for my department, despite only having been there a few weeks. They must know how much time I spend on excel, tirelessly poring over my own measly finances and coming up with money where before, none existed.
Maureen Dowd - We are friends on facebook. I can't even begin to describe how stoked this makes me.
Mac n' Cheese - I don't like pasta or processed foods much at all, but this evil, blue-boxed treasure continues to woo me at least once a pay period.
And now, we sleep.
09 August, 2012
Yuksel
Things like this only make the writer look really stupid and weak. It's okay, Yuksel, I know it's hard to be puny and sniveling and have nothing other than a penis to prove you're a man. But I hate to break it to you.....strong, athletic women with muscle tone, speed and endurance, well that's just beautiful.
I realize it may make us harder to control and may also deliver a jolt of fear through men who live in and run oppressive societies, but that's your problem, friend. We're going to keep on kicking ass. Girls run the world, buddy. Get used to it.
I realize it may make us harder to control and may also deliver a jolt of fear through men who live in and run oppressive societies, but that's your problem, friend. We're going to keep on kicking ass. Girls run the world, buddy. Get used to it.
06 August, 2012
Intouchable
Saw the movie Les Intouchables last night. It was an excellent choice and is one I'll probably buy, eventually. Unexpected, great night and I have also discovered that using Old Bay spice on calamari is pretty damn delicious.
So there I was, cruising along, random things falling into place, just enjoying my life, despite the fact that I literally have $6 to my name. Literally. $6. Yeah, it hurts, but whaddyagonnado? Everything else feels pretty good. Best friend is moving within twenty minutes of me in about three weeks, school starting in two, gym directly behind my office, making all sorts of new friends, job I like. What else could there be?
Then a little notice popped up this morning. Shook my whole world - in a good way. This could very well be an opportunity that was about 4 years in the making. No point in forecasting the weather for 2013 right now, but suffice it to say, that bolt of electricity ran right through me and my week just got a whole lot more interesting.
Damn, DC, you really know how to do right by this girl, so far. I mean, really.
So there I was, cruising along, random things falling into place, just enjoying my life, despite the fact that I literally have $6 to my name. Literally. $6. Yeah, it hurts, but whaddyagonnado? Everything else feels pretty good. Best friend is moving within twenty minutes of me in about three weeks, school starting in two, gym directly behind my office, making all sorts of new friends, job I like. What else could there be?
Then a little notice popped up this morning. Shook my whole world - in a good way. This could very well be an opportunity that was about 4 years in the making. No point in forecasting the weather for 2013 right now, but suffice it to say, that bolt of electricity ran right through me and my week just got a whole lot more interesting.
Damn, DC, you really know how to do right by this girl, so far. I mean, really.
02 August, 2012
ohhhhlympics
What a week. What a two months, actually, but what a week.
I got my official acceptance letter to school. My diabolical plan is working (more on that later). Oh yeah, and then I watched a friend of mine win a gold medal. Rowing is a somewhat obscure sport, so this wasn't heavily publicized. You won't see this on ESPN. None of those dudes are going to be going on and on about what an insanely successful group of women populate the USA Women's 8+.
I mean, no biggy....they are only 7-peat world champions and back to back gold medalists. I was watching PTI the other day at the gym and listening to this goatee'd dipshit talk about how "they" are trying to make sports like swimming and such seem legitimate like basketball, but they're just not. Fuck you, jackass. The fact that a bunch of d-bag millionaires go slumming in the Olympics does not make them legitimate, nor does it make basketball, football, golf, or any of the other ESPN favorites legitimate. It just makes them cash cows. The one US team you won't find me rooting for is our idiot "dream team". Not a man in there works as hard as the swimmers and the rowers, I guarantee you.
The thing that I love about the Olympics is that the underlying idea behind the games is sport for the sake of sport. Sport for the amateur athlete who practices and bleeds and works and works and works for the love of the pursuit. Not for the millions of dollars, not for the hot, nasty chicks, not for the cars and the diamonds. Just because they love being good at what they do. Because the smell of the water, or the sound of the bubbles under the boat, or the searing, seemingly unending pain refreshes the soul and gives a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that you just can't buy.
I love all sports. I love watching pretty much any sport and I respect the work that goes into being good at anything one wants to do, but it is just infuriating to me when some has-been, or never-was on a cheesy set tries to act like athletes who do sports other than football, basketball, golf, baseball or hockey are trying to legitimize themselves and make money. These are the people who just don't get it and never will. That dude and others who think like him are just a joke to me and a poor excuse for representatives of any athletic endeavor.
I sat there with tears in my eyes watching people I know have gold medals put around their necks, for the 5th or 6th time. Yeah I know those kinds of people. And that's not to make me look good, it's to demonstrate that having been on the cusp of that dream and knowing dozens of people who have achieved it, I know what went into that medal and believe me.....it is legitimate.
Sport is pure, it's the commentators and the sponsors that fuck it up.
I got my official acceptance letter to school. My diabolical plan is working (more on that later). Oh yeah, and then I watched a friend of mine win a gold medal. Rowing is a somewhat obscure sport, so this wasn't heavily publicized. You won't see this on ESPN. None of those dudes are going to be going on and on about what an insanely successful group of women populate the USA Women's 8+.
I mean, no biggy....they are only 7-peat world champions and back to back gold medalists. I was watching PTI the other day at the gym and listening to this goatee'd dipshit talk about how "they" are trying to make sports like swimming and such seem legitimate like basketball, but they're just not. Fuck you, jackass. The fact that a bunch of d-bag millionaires go slumming in the Olympics does not make them legitimate, nor does it make basketball, football, golf, or any of the other ESPN favorites legitimate. It just makes them cash cows. The one US team you won't find me rooting for is our idiot "dream team". Not a man in there works as hard as the swimmers and the rowers, I guarantee you.
The thing that I love about the Olympics is that the underlying idea behind the games is sport for the sake of sport. Sport for the amateur athlete who practices and bleeds and works and works and works for the love of the pursuit. Not for the millions of dollars, not for the hot, nasty chicks, not for the cars and the diamonds. Just because they love being good at what they do. Because the smell of the water, or the sound of the bubbles under the boat, or the searing, seemingly unending pain refreshes the soul and gives a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that you just can't buy.
I love all sports. I love watching pretty much any sport and I respect the work that goes into being good at anything one wants to do, but it is just infuriating to me when some has-been, or never-was on a cheesy set tries to act like athletes who do sports other than football, basketball, golf, baseball or hockey are trying to legitimize themselves and make money. These are the people who just don't get it and never will. That dude and others who think like him are just a joke to me and a poor excuse for representatives of any athletic endeavor.
I sat there with tears in my eyes watching people I know have gold medals put around their necks, for the 5th or 6th time. Yeah I know those kinds of people. And that's not to make me look good, it's to demonstrate that having been on the cusp of that dream and knowing dozens of people who have achieved it, I know what went into that medal and believe me.....it is legitimate.
Sport is pure, it's the commentators and the sponsors that fuck it up.
18 July, 2012
hunnid pascint
Ten percent luck, Twenty percent skill,
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will
Five percent pleasure
Fifty percent pain
And a 100 percent reason to remember the name
I have had that song stuck in my head for about two weeks now and after being at a regatta all weekend and having put myself back in the game by both getting a job and hurling myself back into the dating pool, I think my moxie is ratcheting up again.
It has also been in my head because it's Olympic season. We are just a couple of weeks away from watching a kid I knew since she was a tween win a medal, and following her progress has ensured that I will bawl my eyes out when I hear the national anthem play for her. Yeah, I'm totally living vicariously on this one, but for every one of her, there are twenty of me, who succumbed to injury and had our dreams stolen.
I have new dreams, though, and they are great. My story of not making the Olympics sucks, but is definitely not unique and I'm not the type to sit back and bemoan the past. When it comes down to it, you are where you are and you either move forward, or shrivel up and blow away. We can all still do great things and if we aren't pushing for more - ever hungry to be the best version of ourselves - then what's the point?
Make a difference in your own life, man. If you can't do that, all you can do is leech off of those who can. And I am a giver, but I don't like leeches.
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will
Five percent pleasure
Fifty percent pain
And a 100 percent reason to remember the name
I have had that song stuck in my head for about two weeks now and after being at a regatta all weekend and having put myself back in the game by both getting a job and hurling myself back into the dating pool, I think my moxie is ratcheting up again.
It has also been in my head because it's Olympic season. We are just a couple of weeks away from watching a kid I knew since she was a tween win a medal, and following her progress has ensured that I will bawl my eyes out when I hear the national anthem play for her. Yeah, I'm totally living vicariously on this one, but for every one of her, there are twenty of me, who succumbed to injury and had our dreams stolen.
I have new dreams, though, and they are great. My story of not making the Olympics sucks, but is definitely not unique and I'm not the type to sit back and bemoan the past. When it comes down to it, you are where you are and you either move forward, or shrivel up and blow away. We can all still do great things and if we aren't pushing for more - ever hungry to be the best version of ourselves - then what's the point?
Make a difference in your own life, man. If you can't do that, all you can do is leech off of those who can. And I am a giver, but I don't like leeches.
13 July, 2012
burbs
So there I was, lost in Westlake Village, after having been on the Kevin and Bean show on KROQ. I had wiped out on the moped I bought to get around, after a car clipped me and sent me flying and since there was no public transportation, there I stood, stuck in washed-out nowhere, needing to get over 50 miles away from where I was, with a bunch of idiots staring at me like I was from outer space, since I asked about a bus.
What a nightmare. Literally. I woke up, looked around my room with an amazing view, realized I was still tucked safely in civilization and went back to sleep. After that it was a crazy sex dream, but I'll keep that for me. I think the fact that I was lost in a wasteland of suburbia with a bunch of drones looking on, wondering how the hell I was going to get out of there and faced with the prospect of walking 50 miles, illustrates how I feel about the suburbs. Even if you have a commuter rail, it's still the middle of fucking nowhere. That blase world of stucco, SUV's, strip malls and same-same shops which are somehow "unique" just makes me want to vomit.
I guess I'm a for real city girl, because when someone proposed that I move out of Manhattan a few years ago, to enjoy a lovely, trashy, little hamlet called Wantagh, I threw up in my mouth and then laughed hysterically, because why in the fuck would I ever want to do that?! To sit on a train for an average of 2.5 hours a day and stare at people, instead of being out doing the things I'd be thinking about doing on the train, but would get home to late to actually get to? Sounds idyllic; I can see the draw.
So yeah, I'm good where I am, in a city, no car, taking the bus to work at a place at which I can be proud of working, walking everywhere else and doing stuff. It was just a nightmare - or the first part, anyway.
I still want to know what the hell I was doing with a moped.
What a nightmare. Literally. I woke up, looked around my room with an amazing view, realized I was still tucked safely in civilization and went back to sleep. After that it was a crazy sex dream, but I'll keep that for me. I think the fact that I was lost in a wasteland of suburbia with a bunch of drones looking on, wondering how the hell I was going to get out of there and faced with the prospect of walking 50 miles, illustrates how I feel about the suburbs. Even if you have a commuter rail, it's still the middle of fucking nowhere. That blase world of stucco, SUV's, strip malls and same-same shops which are somehow "unique" just makes me want to vomit.
I guess I'm a for real city girl, because when someone proposed that I move out of Manhattan a few years ago, to enjoy a lovely, trashy, little hamlet called Wantagh, I threw up in my mouth and then laughed hysterically, because why in the fuck would I ever want to do that?! To sit on a train for an average of 2.5 hours a day and stare at people, instead of being out doing the things I'd be thinking about doing on the train, but would get home to late to actually get to? Sounds idyllic; I can see the draw.
So yeah, I'm good where I am, in a city, no car, taking the bus to work at a place at which I can be proud of working, walking everywhere else and doing stuff. It was just a nightmare - or the first part, anyway.
I still want to know what the hell I was doing with a moped.
11 July, 2012
09 July, 2012
rules
"Yeah, I know what you mean....people just give themselves away and I'm like x, y, z, which is totally not like that. I have rules I use to govern myself with, you know?"
Actually, I'm beginning to wonder about that. The above phrase has come up in a dozen or so conversations lately, on a variety of subjects and my innate skepticism has kicked in. It always makes me think, that type of statement. The way one projects oneself is often very different from the way one actually is. So is it delusion, hopefulness, or just lies?
One gets in far more trouble with people over lies than over honesty, generally, but I like to think that most people don't go out of their way to just make shit up, or misrepresent, most of the time. It's just such a curious thing to be listening to someone talk and then watch what they do and realize that there is a relativity to when people say "I don't do that", or "I'm not like that". Really? Are you suuuure? It's not really supposed to be a sliding scale, you know.
Job: People would never lie to get a job, never do shady things at work, never take a job they intend to quit, never walk out without professional courtesy.
Fact: People - including a large portion of those who say they would 'never', do that shit all the time.
Friendship: I would never lie to a friend, abandon a friend, jump to conclusions, flip out, or go behind a friend's back.
Fact: See Fact above.
Romance: I would never sleep with someone without a real connection, disappear on someone, lie to someone to manipulate them, or multi-task sexually and risk hurting someone's feelings.
Fact: Again, see Fact above.
Mind you, I'm not venting or complaining here, but as I'm an active participant in this great social experiment we have going, I observe and report my findings, as I see them. So I was sitting here watching a lightning storm, unable to sleep, due to an incredibly shoddy air conditioning system in my building (I'm not the only victim of this) and I started to ponder representation. Do we have expectations of one another that are too high, or have we accepted too low a standard, in these times?
And now that asshole car with the alarm that goes off every night is at it again. Violent claps of thunder are so much more soothing.
Actually, I'm beginning to wonder about that. The above phrase has come up in a dozen or so conversations lately, on a variety of subjects and my innate skepticism has kicked in. It always makes me think, that type of statement. The way one projects oneself is often very different from the way one actually is. So is it delusion, hopefulness, or just lies?
One gets in far more trouble with people over lies than over honesty, generally, but I like to think that most people don't go out of their way to just make shit up, or misrepresent, most of the time. It's just such a curious thing to be listening to someone talk and then watch what they do and realize that there is a relativity to when people say "I don't do that", or "I'm not like that". Really? Are you suuuure? It's not really supposed to be a sliding scale, you know.
Job: People would never lie to get a job, never do shady things at work, never take a job they intend to quit, never walk out without professional courtesy.
Fact: People - including a large portion of those who say they would 'never', do that shit all the time.
Friendship: I would never lie to a friend, abandon a friend, jump to conclusions, flip out, or go behind a friend's back.
Fact: See Fact above.
Romance: I would never sleep with someone without a real connection, disappear on someone, lie to someone to manipulate them, or multi-task sexually and risk hurting someone's feelings.
Fact: Again, see Fact above.
Mind you, I'm not venting or complaining here, but as I'm an active participant in this great social experiment we have going, I observe and report my findings, as I see them. So I was sitting here watching a lightning storm, unable to sleep, due to an incredibly shoddy air conditioning system in my building (I'm not the only victim of this) and I started to ponder representation. Do we have expectations of one another that are too high, or have we accepted too low a standard, in these times?
And now that asshole car with the alarm that goes off every night is at it again. Violent claps of thunder are so much more soothing.
07 July, 2012
hawt
It's hot. I mean it's what the fuuuuck hot. Had dinner and drinks last night and we were both schvitzing so badly on a rooftop deck that we skipped the little touches that give one a clue to how the date is going, entirely (this turned out to be a good thing, actually). My arms had a sheen to them that was borderline embarrassing.
No bother, however, because I wasn't prepared to argue the definition of a nerd or be told I don't fit into his definition because of my lack of interest in video games, mythical creatures such as dragons and elves, and comic books. I'm very, very happy not to fit in, based on those criteria. Dating sucks the cack, man. Thank god for living close and early nights.
But I did learn something.....I have come to realize I can't multitask in the dating arena. Once I find someone I like, I stick with it and since I kind of hate dating, going out with a series of 'maybe's' just has no appeal to me. You can be a good looking nerd and be 6'5, but height is not enough reason to steer away from chemistry. Enough o that, though. I soldier on, happily single until someone makes me smile for no reason at all.
So Check this shit out.....
I'm up early today though and ready to move from one storage unit to another, in order to save about $50 a month, because, well, it's still like that. It has to happen today. See that little 105 on the right? Yeah, that's trying to bust through my windows, right now. I guess the good news is, we're not suffering alone.
No bother, however, because I wasn't prepared to argue the definition of a nerd or be told I don't fit into his definition because of my lack of interest in video games, mythical creatures such as dragons and elves, and comic books. I'm very, very happy not to fit in, based on those criteria. Dating sucks the cack, man. Thank god for living close and early nights.
But I did learn something.....I have come to realize I can't multitask in the dating arena. Once I find someone I like, I stick with it and since I kind of hate dating, going out with a series of 'maybe's' just has no appeal to me. You can be a good looking nerd and be 6'5, but height is not enough reason to steer away from chemistry. Enough o that, though. I soldier on, happily single until someone makes me smile for no reason at all.
So Check this shit out.....
I'm up early today though and ready to move from one storage unit to another, in order to save about $50 a month, because, well, it's still like that. It has to happen today. See that little 105 on the right? Yeah, that's trying to bust through my windows, right now. I guess the good news is, we're not suffering alone.
03 July, 2012
arrrrrr
Frustration. The greatest motivator and yet the greatest, well, frustrator.
Am I a poacher if I take advantage of a situation that seems to be dropped in my lap with work, which could lead directly into my chosen career path and doesn't involve me hurting anyone?
Am I a rebound if I take advantage of the affections of someone who may or may not be ready to move forward from his last relationship? Still feeling that one out, of course, but my interest is high and so is my guard.
Am I stupid for having thrown myself into a precarious financial situation, relying on my resourcefulness to make up for the fact that unforeseen circumstances have the potential to derail this fragile balance I have at the moment?
Weirdest day ever and all I know at the moment, is that insomnia is a powerful thing and the wheels of my brain are turning faster than the lids of my eyes are heavy.
Am I a poacher if I take advantage of a situation that seems to be dropped in my lap with work, which could lead directly into my chosen career path and doesn't involve me hurting anyone?
Am I a rebound if I take advantage of the affections of someone who may or may not be ready to move forward from his last relationship? Still feeling that one out, of course, but my interest is high and so is my guard.
Am I stupid for having thrown myself into a precarious financial situation, relying on my resourcefulness to make up for the fact that unforeseen circumstances have the potential to derail this fragile balance I have at the moment?
Weirdest day ever and all I know at the moment, is that insomnia is a powerful thing and the wheels of my brain are turning faster than the lids of my eyes are heavy.
02 July, 2012
...and sense
I made a budget over the weekend. I'm pretty good at making a dollar out of fifteen cents, generally speaking, but this budget hurts. I mean cut me deep, live out of the change that's in the schooner glass I stole from Mutt's, circa 1996, hurt.
Temping doesn't afford a lavish lifestyle, unfortunately. That and the fact that I'm down to my last $200 in savings, means that things are a liiiittle dicey on the financial front. But by not getting / taking a different and more high-paying assignment, I was put into an insanely difficult financial situation (funny story, more on that later.....), but I ended up finding something I am passionately interested in. Details about the company itself will be forthcoming once I am hired on permanently (and I'm confident I will be). Suffice it to say though, the belt is pretty tight. The fact that I will have a whopping $26 left over after rent and bills each month and that my social life will basically have to consist of the free and the freeloading for a while, AND the fact that I cannot afford a gym membership, regular pedicures, dining out, boozing heavily or skydiving....well I kind of don't care, because I'm genuinely happy. Top that off with some chocolate candy and I don't have any complaints right now.
I think I've always known this, but it really is all about perspective. It's not about having what you want, but wanting what you have - seeing the beauty in every struggle and always pushing forward without letting the anger or frustration that you're bound to feel, overtake you. Most importantly, trust your instincts. In my first year of coaching, someone I greatly respected told me that I had some of the sharpest instincts he'd seen and that that can't only have applied to coaching. He said I should trust myself a little more and put some effort into honing that intuitiveness. I listened, I did.
That doesn't mean I advocate for blindly following whims like feathers in the wind, but rather acknowledging that feeling in your gut and then doing the due diligence to see what it actually means and where it will lead you. As previously stated, sometimes it will lead you off a cliff, but you'll have thought about that jump and decided that the risk is worth the unknown potential reward. Seems I have sprouted a set of fledgling wings on the way down, because I was literally about a week away from hitting the ground before I started to glide and turn upward again.
Long story long, I could always get hurt, it could all fall apart, and I could end up homeless (wouldn't be the first time), but I'm not focused on the negative what-if's at this point, because now that I'm here and I have a foothold - even if it's still a little unstable - I'm in a position to fight for what I want.
If you want something, you have to go out and get it. Set your sights on it and fight for it and figure it out. Life doesn't hand shit out, so the passive man will only get scraps.
Temping doesn't afford a lavish lifestyle, unfortunately. That and the fact that I'm down to my last $200 in savings, means that things are a liiiittle dicey on the financial front. But by not getting / taking a different and more high-paying assignment, I was put into an insanely difficult financial situation (funny story, more on that later.....), but I ended up finding something I am passionately interested in. Details about the company itself will be forthcoming once I am hired on permanently (and I'm confident I will be). Suffice it to say though, the belt is pretty tight. The fact that I will have a whopping $26 left over after rent and bills each month and that my social life will basically have to consist of the free and the freeloading for a while, AND the fact that I cannot afford a gym membership, regular pedicures, dining out, boozing heavily or skydiving....well I kind of don't care, because I'm genuinely happy. Top that off with some chocolate candy and I don't have any complaints right now.
I think I've always known this, but it really is all about perspective. It's not about having what you want, but wanting what you have - seeing the beauty in every struggle and always pushing forward without letting the anger or frustration that you're bound to feel, overtake you. Most importantly, trust your instincts. In my first year of coaching, someone I greatly respected told me that I had some of the sharpest instincts he'd seen and that that can't only have applied to coaching. He said I should trust myself a little more and put some effort into honing that intuitiveness. I listened, I did.
That doesn't mean I advocate for blindly following whims like feathers in the wind, but rather acknowledging that feeling in your gut and then doing the due diligence to see what it actually means and where it will lead you. As previously stated, sometimes it will lead you off a cliff, but you'll have thought about that jump and decided that the risk is worth the unknown potential reward. Seems I have sprouted a set of fledgling wings on the way down, because I was literally about a week away from hitting the ground before I started to glide and turn upward again.
Long story long, I could always get hurt, it could all fall apart, and I could end up homeless (wouldn't be the first time), but I'm not focused on the negative what-if's at this point, because now that I'm here and I have a foothold - even if it's still a little unstable - I'm in a position to fight for what I want.
If you want something, you have to go out and get it. Set your sights on it and fight for it and figure it out. Life doesn't hand shit out, so the passive man will only get scraps.
24 June, 2012
yeux
Stared into an amazing pair for about 15 hours. They were attached to a host of other amazing features and I'm reeling a little bit, from the most awesome 'reverse date' I've had in years. Actually, I don't know that I have had a reverse date before, but generally as dates go, this one went beyond swimmingly. Okay, that's personal enough for this forum.
But.
DC continues to slowly let out little tidbits that affirm my choices lately. Things that are trickling out here and there, challenging me, pushing me, rewarding me, showing me that there are a lot of great things and people out there and that my desire for a slice of the happy pie is totally within my reach. I am currently temping at a company I am incredibly interested in working for. This place fulfills my desire to stay in finance, but it has a soul. Oxymoron? Turns out there are a collection of people in the world with big plans for how to bring the severely impoverished up in the world and still maintain themselves a comfortable living. Penthouse not required. I am happy to go in to work at this place and excited at the prospect of future involvement in something bigger and better than myself.
I am intrigued by the consistent smile and calloused hands of a person I genuinely like.
I am stoked as hell that two separate sets of friends are only weeks or months, respectively, from making it official and beginning their legally bound journey of growing old together, as I know both will.
And last but certainly not least, I'm petrified and elated to be ripping holes into my hands and putting my lats, hamstrings and lungs into a pain cave. Rowing is like nothing else in the world and the pain is only outmatched by the rush and intensity of the pleasure of accomplishment.
The combination of awesomeness leaves me with a shit-eating grin on my face and a fire in my belly. I want more. Lots, lots, more.
But.
DC continues to slowly let out little tidbits that affirm my choices lately. Things that are trickling out here and there, challenging me, pushing me, rewarding me, showing me that there are a lot of great things and people out there and that my desire for a slice of the happy pie is totally within my reach. I am currently temping at a company I am incredibly interested in working for. This place fulfills my desire to stay in finance, but it has a soul. Oxymoron? Turns out there are a collection of people in the world with big plans for how to bring the severely impoverished up in the world and still maintain themselves a comfortable living. Penthouse not required. I am happy to go in to work at this place and excited at the prospect of future involvement in something bigger and better than myself.
I am intrigued by the consistent smile and calloused hands of a person I genuinely like.
I am stoked as hell that two separate sets of friends are only weeks or months, respectively, from making it official and beginning their legally bound journey of growing old together, as I know both will.
And last but certainly not least, I'm petrified and elated to be ripping holes into my hands and putting my lats, hamstrings and lungs into a pain cave. Rowing is like nothing else in the world and the pain is only outmatched by the rush and intensity of the pleasure of accomplishment.
The combination of awesomeness leaves me with a shit-eating grin on my face and a fire in my belly. I want more. Lots, lots, more.
14 June, 2012
math
This is literally about math. I hate math and I suck at it.....presumably because my mathematic foundation was destroyed by my horrible eighth grade algebra teacher and compounded by the fact that I haven't taken math since 1994. I am now literally trying to relearn things I never had a firm grasp on in the first place, in a condensed period of time and with no one there to translate.
If math were a man, he'd have a tiny penis and a bad attitude. But I have to pretend I'm in love with math for the next two weeks and fight it out until I understand math enough to score well on a standardized test and move on with my life.
x times the square root of y, all times the diamond symbol which stands for 1/-y = go fuck yourself.
If math were a man, he'd have a tiny penis and a bad attitude. But I have to pretend I'm in love with math for the next two weeks and fight it out until I understand math enough to score well on a standardized test and move on with my life.
x times the square root of y, all times the diamond symbol which stands for 1/-y = go fuck yourself.
28 May, 2012
well then
I just finished watching about 5 hours of classical music / Olympic highlights. Seriously. We sat here for 5 hours and just jumped from one to the next, to the next. How anyone could not love both of those things, is beyond me. It's not long until the Olympics begin and once again, I will sit, as I've done for my entire remembered life, and watch athletes compete in what is inarguably the greatest series of sporting contests the world has or will ever know. There will be plenty more of that to come, though, and my emotional investment stands only to intensify, so I'll save the dramatics for when the games arrive. Suffice it to say though, romantic comedies, touching acts of humanity and broken limbs cannot even begin to elicit the tears and emotion that a hard fought contest and medal ceremony can pull from the depths of my soul.
But enough o that. I've had quite a two weeks. My apartment building caught on fire (which was fantastic for the fireman eye-candy), I made a well-received joke in french, about which I am still gloating, I have caught up on several years of missed vitamin D, and I had an insanely annoying and unfortunate series of texts and emails from an ex. Actually, in the scheme of things, THE ex. The ultimate asshole. The one who gave me the gift of giving up on love. Don't go feeling bad right about now, it was truly a gift to see that loyalty can only take you so far in any situation and that it's best to cut and run, rather than stay with someone who has no capacity to care for anyone but themselves, despite any declarations to the contrary. His insane selfishness, destructive nature, completely misplaced and unearned arrogance, horrible bedroom skills and general disdain for anyone he thought he could beat up taught me the most valuable series of lessons I've learned in quite some time.
I was actually being kind, just there, believe it or not. Farilz. I'd honestly rather have had my entrails pulled out - with me fully conscious - and then been strangled with them, than talk to or hear from him, but it's amazing what delusion will do to a man who thinks a woman is a doormat and a sucker, so it was actually a pleasure for me to stick up for myself and actually say "I hate you", when contacted unnecessarily and under fabricated circumstances. I'm not prone to this kind of anger, resentment or verbal assault, but this is the proof: the fuse is very, very long, but man are you fucked if you get to the end of it.
And since despite my efforts to keep my new location from him and despite his blatant lies that anyone I know would deign to contact him and blow the cover of my disappearance from a city that I loved and that I actually LIVED in for the better part of a decade, it turns out I kind of love DC. This place is open, fresh, has a sky to daydream into and water to play on and friends I've so missed seeing on the regular. Oh, and boys. Good god are there lots of incredibly smart boys who come in my size, shape, color and with my kind of big stuff (brains, etc...), here. This is gonna be fun.
That aside, all of the ballyhoo has shown me that I've absolutely made the right decisions since last year. I cut the anchor, uprooted myself, flushed out the bullshit that was clogging my system and have evolved, yet again. Yeah, me, me, me. But you know what? It's my fucking blog and it's about time.
That being said, one of the things that has impressed me about DC is the opportunity to donate time to good causes and help take care of others who may not be able to do many things that I can help with, by themselves. This place - despite the overwhelming number of lawyers and their ilk - has a very charitable and community-minded soul. I'm in the right place, for the time being.
So here it is. Welcome to me, DC. And thank you for welcoming me to you....I think we're gonna get along pretty well, despite the rules.
And yes, it really is 4:19 and there are birds chirping. I promised I'd stop with these shenanigans, but it seems old habits die hard. Don't they, bob?
But enough o that. I've had quite a two weeks. My apartment building caught on fire (which was fantastic for the fireman eye-candy), I made a well-received joke in french, about which I am still gloating, I have caught up on several years of missed vitamin D, and I had an insanely annoying and unfortunate series of texts and emails from an ex. Actually, in the scheme of things, THE ex. The ultimate asshole. The one who gave me the gift of giving up on love. Don't go feeling bad right about now, it was truly a gift to see that loyalty can only take you so far in any situation and that it's best to cut and run, rather than stay with someone who has no capacity to care for anyone but themselves, despite any declarations to the contrary. His insane selfishness, destructive nature, completely misplaced and unearned arrogance, horrible bedroom skills and general disdain for anyone he thought he could beat up taught me the most valuable series of lessons I've learned in quite some time.
I was actually being kind, just there, believe it or not. Farilz. I'd honestly rather have had my entrails pulled out - with me fully conscious - and then been strangled with them, than talk to or hear from him, but it's amazing what delusion will do to a man who thinks a woman is a doormat and a sucker, so it was actually a pleasure for me to stick up for myself and actually say "I hate you", when contacted unnecessarily and under fabricated circumstances. I'm not prone to this kind of anger, resentment or verbal assault, but this is the proof: the fuse is very, very long, but man are you fucked if you get to the end of it.
And since despite my efforts to keep my new location from him and despite his blatant lies that anyone I know would deign to contact him and blow the cover of my disappearance from a city that I loved and that I actually LIVED in for the better part of a decade, it turns out I kind of love DC. This place is open, fresh, has a sky to daydream into and water to play on and friends I've so missed seeing on the regular. Oh, and boys. Good god are there lots of incredibly smart boys who come in my size, shape, color and with my kind of big stuff (brains, etc...), here. This is gonna be fun.
That aside, all of the ballyhoo has shown me that I've absolutely made the right decisions since last year. I cut the anchor, uprooted myself, flushed out the bullshit that was clogging my system and have evolved, yet again. Yeah, me, me, me. But you know what? It's my fucking blog and it's about time.
That being said, one of the things that has impressed me about DC is the opportunity to donate time to good causes and help take care of others who may not be able to do many things that I can help with, by themselves. This place - despite the overwhelming number of lawyers and their ilk - has a very charitable and community-minded soul. I'm in the right place, for the time being.
So here it is. Welcome to me, DC. And thank you for welcoming me to you....I think we're gonna get along pretty well, despite the rules.
And yes, it really is 4:19 and there are birds chirping. I promised I'd stop with these shenanigans, but it seems old habits die hard. Don't they, bob?
09 May, 2012
lamolina
I've been absent, but there are many reasons for that, including getting acquainted with a new town and having a startlingly full social calendar.
I do have time to comment ever so quickly however, on North Carolina. What a bunch of idiocy. These people who think that they should legislate backward, constricted-era laws are basically proving how far fear goes. Who gives a shit if someone wants to date or marry someone of their own sex? Why is this even an issue?
The lack of tolerance - from sexual proclivity to what people wear, eat, or drink is just a bunch of bullshit. Though for the record, though I am not a fan of the preppy look, I'd take that over a herd of fat, angry, t-shirt wearing, muscle heads any day of the week. No one cares if you can kick someone's ass in the legal or physical sense. You look and sound like a fucking moron with your posturing.
North Carolina, you never missed me before and you certainly won't now, but you can suck it. And what's more, you can suck it on someone of the same sex.
And that's all she wrote, before face planting into bed.
I do have time to comment ever so quickly however, on North Carolina. What a bunch of idiocy. These people who think that they should legislate backward, constricted-era laws are basically proving how far fear goes. Who gives a shit if someone wants to date or marry someone of their own sex? Why is this even an issue?
The lack of tolerance - from sexual proclivity to what people wear, eat, or drink is just a bunch of bullshit. Though for the record, though I am not a fan of the preppy look, I'd take that over a herd of fat, angry, t-shirt wearing, muscle heads any day of the week. No one cares if you can kick someone's ass in the legal or physical sense. You look and sound like a fucking moron with your posturing.
North Carolina, you never missed me before and you certainly won't now, but you can suck it. And what's more, you can suck it on someone of the same sex.
And that's all she wrote, before face planting into bed.
30 April, 2012
good. bye. enn. why.
I'm too tired and worn out to be poetic at the moment. I guess it's fitting for a place that is so curt and cold, that I simply say 'see ya, New York'.
Good gravy has it been a nearly (and sometimes was) illegal amount of fun, an Everest of challenges, and a quick and dirty road to a solid future path. I'm lying on a blow up mattress in what used to be my living room, waiting for the next four hours to pass, so I can get boarded and hit the road.
New York, I will pine for you later. Today you taxed the shit out of me, in more ways than one, yet you rewarded me with time with a friend, a thoroughly satisfying dinner, and a beautiful night. You always know how to finish it off, so that things linger in my mind, and that's why I'm in love with you, my home of nearly the last decade. You always seem to know when to come in and show me something new, something I forgot about, or something I always love, to keep me wanting more.
My heart is breaking a little. I love New York.
Good gravy has it been a nearly (and sometimes was) illegal amount of fun, an Everest of challenges, and a quick and dirty road to a solid future path. I'm lying on a blow up mattress in what used to be my living room, waiting for the next four hours to pass, so I can get boarded and hit the road.
New York, I will pine for you later. Today you taxed the shit out of me, in more ways than one, yet you rewarded me with time with a friend, a thoroughly satisfying dinner, and a beautiful night. You always know how to finish it off, so that things linger in my mind, and that's why I'm in love with you, my home of nearly the last decade. You always seem to know when to come in and show me something new, something I forgot about, or something I always love, to keep me wanting more.
My heart is breaking a little. I love New York.
20 April, 2012
hitler
He seems to be the go to comparison, if you really want to give a highly offensive and completely illogical fuck you to someone.
I have a guarded relationship with the internet. Fact is ever harder to find among fiction and the speed at which lies and hyperbole can infect the minds of people - along with the unbelievably large number of non-research driven and seemingly obtuse ears available - is staggering.
Here's how these two things tie together. Negative rhetoric is only constructive when it is based in fact or reasonable possibility. Comparing someone to Hitler immediately shoots you out of the realm of legitimacy, unless the person being compared is literally a syphilitic, speed-addicted, ethnic cleansing, mass murderer. I think we can all agree that in the United States of America today, there are no candidates running for president, who have records or proclivities toward anything even remotely resembling that. In short, that comparison is the embodiment of the lunatic fringe. You now cannot be taken seriously, because you're stupid.
It's exhausting to even know that bullshit like this exists. I am spending time writing about the fact that we have so much access to each other and what everyone wants to spout off about, that we take these off the cuff sound bytes as fact, first. So few of us do the legwork to find the details or fact check, that the crazy goes viral and people start thinking that it's okay to say incendiary things, introduce ridiculous and false information and steer away from the logical, constructive discussion that must be had in order to proceed.
This is only a rant. I wish I had some viable idea as to how to fight with crazy, but you know what they say about that.
I have a guarded relationship with the internet. Fact is ever harder to find among fiction and the speed at which lies and hyperbole can infect the minds of people - along with the unbelievably large number of non-research driven and seemingly obtuse ears available - is staggering.
Here's how these two things tie together. Negative rhetoric is only constructive when it is based in fact or reasonable possibility. Comparing someone to Hitler immediately shoots you out of the realm of legitimacy, unless the person being compared is literally a syphilitic, speed-addicted, ethnic cleansing, mass murderer. I think we can all agree that in the United States of America today, there are no candidates running for president, who have records or proclivities toward anything even remotely resembling that. In short, that comparison is the embodiment of the lunatic fringe. You now cannot be taken seriously, because you're stupid.
It's exhausting to even know that bullshit like this exists. I am spending time writing about the fact that we have so much access to each other and what everyone wants to spout off about, that we take these off the cuff sound bytes as fact, first. So few of us do the legwork to find the details or fact check, that the crazy goes viral and people start thinking that it's okay to say incendiary things, introduce ridiculous and false information and steer away from the logical, constructive discussion that must be had in order to proceed.
This is only a rant. I wish I had some viable idea as to how to fight with crazy, but you know what they say about that.
16 April, 2012
zone
I am in the middle of where the magic happens presently. And it is uncomfortable. But awesome. Plus I liked this picture and I'm mailing it in today, so this is a win on all fronts.
13 April, 2012
stoned.
I needed to jump off. I needed to go big and take that gut crushing risk again. I am a person who can and does chuck it all for the big change, for the prospect of bettering myself as a person. I believe in big, calculated risks – how the fuck else do you get anywhere? People don’t just hand shit out. If you want it, you have to fight for it. You have to figure it all out yourself and be your own guide. You have to look outside of yourself and figure out who you should respect, whose opinion you should take…..you learn that if you just do your research, you can grow by leaps and bounds. Your questions are more precise. Your understanding is quicker. You have a broader base from which to grow. It’s phenomenal and exciting. And it leads you to jump, which is scary and exciting and stressful and blissful all at once. The best part about me is, I don't need someone else to push me to it. This comes from within and yeah, it scares me a little too, sometimes. But I like it.
I don’t do this shit lightheartedly. I think and I listen and I watch and then I pace the whole thing out ten steps in ten different ways. But there is always the first gap - the big one. The one that requires the leap, like jumping between two high rises. Once you cover that, though, your ability to cover the subsequent gaps improves and if you have done your due diligence, you land pretty much right where you should. Then the variables are so much easier to hurdle.
As in any jump, the most important part is the belief in the leap. If you second guess that, you’re fucked and you’ve just assured your failure; your forty story failure. No. You have to run like you're escaping death and leap with your whole self - body and soul, fully extended. That’s the only way to hit the other side running.
So this is me, leaping. I don’t have anything right now but a plan and a limited time to execute it. But you can bet your bottom fucking dollar that this is getting done and done well.
08 April, 2012
well, shiat
I think I can safely say about myself, that when I go, I go big. I have found the ability to be aggressive with life and chill with people and I think I'm just going to embrace it. But why the hell does it have to be so damn hard to find a halfway decent apartment? I have between 21 and 27 days left, depending on the housing market, but I realized on the trip back that I am no longer in a rush to get to the next step, because it's now an inevitability. That is such a calming feeling.
I had some very perspecitve-orienting experiences over this extended weekend I took. The most worthy of mention involved standing in front of an inscription on a wall. I stood there reading it and was genuinely transported outside of all of my list items and sources of stress and mired thoughts. I totally did the lone tear thing, but not on purpose.
But in that moment, I had that wonderful feeling of being put in my place as far as struggles and goals went. It was as if the universe was calling me out and telling me to go harder. The only way to describe the feeling is that it's like trying to run up a hill, while pulling a wagon full of stones. And then a couple of the stones fall out and your speed and technique start to increase. Soon, I'll be running.
Finding the ability to translate those moments again is a good sign. Who gives a shit if someone thinks it's hokey, or hippie crap, or whatever. The inner silence in those moments is a private victory and I think it's fucking awesome. I'd suggest it to anyone.
I had some very perspecitve-orienting experiences over this extended weekend I took. The most worthy of mention involved standing in front of an inscription on a wall. I stood there reading it and was genuinely transported outside of all of my list items and sources of stress and mired thoughts. I totally did the lone tear thing, but not on purpose.
But in that moment, I had that wonderful feeling of being put in my place as far as struggles and goals went. It was as if the universe was calling me out and telling me to go harder. The only way to describe the feeling is that it's like trying to run up a hill, while pulling a wagon full of stones. And then a couple of the stones fall out and your speed and technique start to increase. Soon, I'll be running.
Finding the ability to translate those moments again is a good sign. Who gives a shit if someone thinks it's hokey, or hippie crap, or whatever. The inner silence in those moments is a private victory and I think it's fucking awesome. I'd suggest it to anyone.
02 April, 2012
ahhhhh
The pain. I am presently unable to sit in any one position for more than about 30 seconds, because of the pain level in my lower back and hips. Feels like the year 2001 all over again, but at least I'm doing something. Gotta put those last few insurance dollars to work before I'm back with the broke and impoverished again, 'cause it's 27 days days and 15 work days left. I have an appointment with boss to give my notice tomorrow afternoon and quite frankly despite the fact that I cannot move at all, I want the time to fly by so I can hand Boss the letter and start my goodbyes. If boss gets all fired up I'll be pretty scared though, because in my current condition, I think boss could take me.
So now onto something else.....change and my cynical commentary on it. I am - obviously - down with change. I'd even go so far as to say I'm good at it. I believe in change and in people's capacity to change......mostly. What I have found though, is that for many, even most people, changing location or job may be challenging, or it may be easy for some, but change of self is hard and many have a difficult time sticking with changes long term. I mean, truth be told, once you're an obnoxious, entitled, hot-head, it's hard to turn that off. You can claim enlightenment over and over and describe yourself as "a work in progress" (code for: I'm a total dick and I just want you to stick around longer). You can talk evolution all you want in the peaceful moments, but when it really comes down to it, if you are a hot-head asshole who overreacts to things and is selfish with your support of those in your life, it's probable that no one believes you; that the people you hurt and alienated have already called it a day.
Wonder why it's not all going well? Probably because it was all talk. Time for action.....but on your own time, away from me, please. I'm in the middle of some changes.
And this disjointedness is what happens when my back hurts and I'm hopped up. I'll write about the frogs and the kittens in balloons (how do their claws not pop them?) later.
So now onto something else.....change and my cynical commentary on it. I am - obviously - down with change. I'd even go so far as to say I'm good at it. I believe in change and in people's capacity to change......mostly. What I have found though, is that for many, even most people, changing location or job may be challenging, or it may be easy for some, but change of self is hard and many have a difficult time sticking with changes long term. I mean, truth be told, once you're an obnoxious, entitled, hot-head, it's hard to turn that off. You can claim enlightenment over and over and describe yourself as "a work in progress" (code for: I'm a total dick and I just want you to stick around longer). You can talk evolution all you want in the peaceful moments, but when it really comes down to it, if you are a hot-head asshole who overreacts to things and is selfish with your support of those in your life, it's probable that no one believes you; that the people you hurt and alienated have already called it a day.
Wonder why it's not all going well? Probably because it was all talk. Time for action.....but on your own time, away from me, please. I'm in the middle of some changes.
And this disjointedness is what happens when my back hurts and I'm hopped up. I'll write about the frogs and the kittens in balloons (how do their claws not pop them?) later.
30 March, 2012
wounded warrior
This is something great that my friend and her husband (who is a Naval pilot and is on the latest of multiple deployments) are doing to help the Wounded Warrior project. I'm in and I hope that anyone reading this will pass this along to help them in their goal, as there is really no better or more relevant cause at this point in time.
support.woundedwarriorproject.org
877.TEAM.WWP (832.6997) t: 904.296.7350 | f: 904.296.7347
29 March, 2012
lead
It's free flowing now. I officially have less than a month left in the city and I just have stars in my eyes about this place I've called home for the better part of a decade. I saw this today and it made me realize I'll actually even miss the Manhattan Mini Storage ads. They are always funny.
Boss has made it exceedingly easy for me to get a resignation letter together and set a time for myself to go in and say I'm sooooooooooooooooooo outta here - in the nicest and most professional sort of way, of course.
This person, who wears fugly Manolo's to the office everyday (I didn't realize he even had it in him to create ugly shoes, but she's found every pair), flipped out about an un-sharpened pencil. Apparently it was sort of dulled, so the best thing Boss could think to do was run out of the office waving it and proclaiming it dead, and then demand an entire, sharpened box immediately.
So I walked to Boss's drawer, opened the left top drawer, pulled the dozen pencils I had to sharpen last week when such a fit occurred, set them on Boss's desk and walked away. I have a degree.
shuffled
My shuffle was stolen a couple of weekends ago. It was stolen along with some other semi-valuable-but-not-really items, right out of my bag. Irritating.
But it unfortunately seems that this has kicked off a really weird 'missing or lost stuff' phase for me. It's really quite annoying, actually. What I want to know though, is how this stuff ends up piling on. It started with some asshole who stole a bunch of stuff out of a bag I had with me when I took a bus ride. I got out because Boss beckoned (four times in an hour) with a pressing question about a document that was in her own folder. Boss doesn't actually look for anything that's right in front of her face, Boss just flips out until someone calmly demonstrates that it's right in front of Boss's face. So I hop off the bus at a rest stop and don't notice anything amiss.
Turns out however, that the person across the way from me had seen fit to take my shuffle, my toiletries bag (wtf?) a small, green, spiral bound notebook (2xwtf??) and a pen. She did not take my small bag of jewelry, which I found a little odd, nor did she take my expensive GPS watch, which was in the same part of the bag as the shuffle. This girl looked like she'd never been on a run in her life, though, so she couldn't have known that was the most expensive item in the bag.
Anyway, that stuff was stolen and then for a good three or four days, everything was lost. Everything. I somehow managed to lose my debit card and ID, when the wristlet I was wearing (the name wristlet, incidentally, implies that it's strapped to my wrist) mysteriously was just gone from my arm, strap and all. My phone was "lost" about a dozen times in that same time period. I couldn't find the simplest things, whether they were actually missing, or not. I did a dance in the kitchen, I metaphorically burned sage, I looked up into the sky and shouted "why, why, whyeeee", in an effort to break the randomly-lost-stuff curse. This ever happened to you?
I have no idea if the curse was actually broken, but I'm paranoid now, because I am too lazy to go to the DMV to get a new license, despite the fresh opportunity for a better photo, and I carry my passport all over the place. I also bought a new shuffle and replaced my expensive perfume, which are both still in the iffy time frame for being lost, broken, or stolen, simply because they are new items. Actually that applies to my laptop as well....scary times!
It's like some weird cloud of irresponsibility washed over me for a few days there - with no support or effort from yours truly - and now I'm trying to get the residue off of me, because that shit is concerning when you are facing the prospect, or well, the inevitablilty of having no job or form of stable income for the foreseeable future. I metaphorically burned sage again, to get the lost ick off of me.
Perhaps the figurative sage burning will have the unintended but not necessarily unwanted side effect of making that bottle of expensive perfume break in her bag, the shuffle inexplicably not work and the toiletries give her some bizarre, temporarily disfiguring rash. Too bad I won't see them comeuppance.
But it unfortunately seems that this has kicked off a really weird 'missing or lost stuff' phase for me. It's really quite annoying, actually. What I want to know though, is how this stuff ends up piling on. It started with some asshole who stole a bunch of stuff out of a bag I had with me when I took a bus ride. I got out because Boss beckoned (four times in an hour) with a pressing question about a document that was in her own folder. Boss doesn't actually look for anything that's right in front of her face, Boss just flips out until someone calmly demonstrates that it's right in front of Boss's face. So I hop off the bus at a rest stop and don't notice anything amiss.
Turns out however, that the person across the way from me had seen fit to take my shuffle, my toiletries bag (wtf?) a small, green, spiral bound notebook (2xwtf??) and a pen. She did not take my small bag of jewelry, which I found a little odd, nor did she take my expensive GPS watch, which was in the same part of the bag as the shuffle. This girl looked like she'd never been on a run in her life, though, so she couldn't have known that was the most expensive item in the bag.
Anyway, that stuff was stolen and then for a good three or four days, everything was lost. Everything. I somehow managed to lose my debit card and ID, when the wristlet I was wearing (the name wristlet, incidentally, implies that it's strapped to my wrist) mysteriously was just gone from my arm, strap and all. My phone was "lost" about a dozen times in that same time period. I couldn't find the simplest things, whether they were actually missing, or not. I did a dance in the kitchen, I metaphorically burned sage, I looked up into the sky and shouted "why, why, whyeeee", in an effort to break the randomly-lost-stuff curse. This ever happened to you?
I have no idea if the curse was actually broken, but I'm paranoid now, because I am too lazy to go to the DMV to get a new license, despite the fresh opportunity for a better photo, and I carry my passport all over the place. I also bought a new shuffle and replaced my expensive perfume, which are both still in the iffy time frame for being lost, broken, or stolen, simply because they are new items. Actually that applies to my laptop as well....scary times!
It's like some weird cloud of irresponsibility washed over me for a few days there - with no support or effort from yours truly - and now I'm trying to get the residue off of me, because that shit is concerning when you are facing the prospect, or well, the inevitablilty of having no job or form of stable income for the foreseeable future. I metaphorically burned sage again, to get the lost ick off of me.
Perhaps the figurative sage burning will have the unintended but not necessarily unwanted side effect of making that bottle of expensive perfume break in her bag, the shuffle inexplicably not work and the toiletries give her some bizarre, temporarily disfiguring rash. Too bad I won't see them comeuppance.
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