stoned.

I needed to jump off. I needed to go big and take that gut crushing risk again. I am a person who can and does chuck it all for the big change, for the prospect of bettering myself as a person. I believe in big, calculated risks – how the fuck else do you get anywhere? People don’t just hand shit out. If you want it, you have to fight for it. You have to figure it all out yourself and be your own guide. You have to look outside of yourself and figure out who you should respect, whose opinion you should take…..you learn that if you just do your research, you can grow by leaps and bounds. Your questions are more precise. Your understanding is quicker. You have a broader base from which to grow. It’s phenomenal and exciting. And it leads you to jump, which is scary and exciting and stressful and blissful all at once. The best part about me is, I don't need someone else to push me to it. This comes from within and yeah, it scares me a little too, sometimes. But I like it.

I don’t do this shit lightheartedly. I think and I listen and I watch and then I pace the whole thing out ten steps in ten different ways.  But there is always the first gap - the big one. The one that requires the leap, like jumping between two high rises.  Once you cover that, though, your ability to cover the subsequent gaps improves and if you have done your due diligence, you land pretty much right where you should. Then the variables are so much easier to hurdle. 

As in any jump, the most important part is the belief in the leap. If you second guess that, you’re fucked and you’ve just assured your failure; your forty story failure. No. You have to run like you're escaping death and leap with your whole self - body and soul, fully extended. That’s the only way to hit the other side running. 

So this is me, leaping. I don’t have anything right now but a plan and a limited time to execute it. But you can bet your bottom fucking dollar that this is getting done and done well.