"You WILL do what I say."
This was said in response to me not wanting to be late somewhere and was followed up by a tirade in which I was described as hated and not knowing my 'place'.
In defense of this, I was actually told today, "sometimes you have to let a man speak to you that way."
Er?? What the fuck????? I mean, really...what. the. fuck. Did someone not only say that, but believe it?
Are we in the 1950's, when no one had any rights but rich, white dudes? Who talks to anyone that way, let alone a person they are supposed to love and cherish? Had my dad ever spoken to my mother that way, he would be missing some teeth; not because my mother was so tough or had a violent streak, but because it is just fundamentally wrong. If my mother or father had ever heard me or one of my brothers speak to another human being that way, they would have laughed at us, and then made us eat a bar of soap. You think I exaggerate here...I assure you, I do not.
When did it become even remotely acceptable to try and put people in their place in an effort to control them - at all, let alone like that? What that says to me is that the speaker in that scenario is so weak and so wildly insecure that he or she must resort to overt demands and the yelling and stomping of feet, to try and gain control of a situation.
People of these modern times, heed my words....the time for speaking to someone that way is never. Never is the time for that. The time to try and force someone to submit to your demands, ridiculous or otherwise, is never. The time to speak to any other human being as if he or she is beneath you, is never. If you can't stand to be called out on your bullshit; if you can't stand to adhere to a two way street in terms of communication and decency, you ought to seek counsel and stop existing. Because the time for me to be shoved into a box and put in my 'woman's place' is so far from over it's not even funny. In fact, it never began, in large part because my father coached it out of me at a very early age. He wouldn't even let me walk out the door if a dude honked, or didn't come to the door. Speaking in that manner to me or anyone else who qualifies as a human being never was and never will be right.
This, incidentally, is not because I'm so mighty. It's not because I'm all miss independent and have so much 'sass' and a 'smart mouth' (other phrases thrown out which say this person would rather have me behind him than next to him). It's because I am a person and a fucking smart, articulate, well-thought, well-spoken, well-educated and very decent one, at that. Not to harp on my father, but the older I get, the more I realize what an excellent example of a man he is and let me tell you that dude would cut your lights out for speaking to me that way. He took great care to raise me never to accept less than total decency and equality from the world.
So when you tell me - or anyone - to get in my place and "listen", when you rant and rave and flip out and create a double standard, all you do is expose your weakness and insecurity and make me feel sorry for you. I am not afraid of you now, never will be, and am more inclined to shake my head at your obtuse outlook, feeble sense of self and overtly insecure need to try and keep up some sort of appearances with the assholes of the world, before I adhere to such obnoxious demands.
We are not meant to put each other down. We are meant to raise each other up and that does not mean by steamrolling one another, trying to break each other down so we can build someone back the way we want them to be, or subjecting each other to an outdated and arcane set of standards. Grow the fuck up, people. If you want me to listen to what you have to say, approach me as your equal, with open communication and a rational sensibility and I'm all ears. Should you choose not to, don't be surprised with what you get back. What's good for the goose is good for the fucking gander.
Good night.
