I think I can safely say about myself, that when I go, I go big. I have found the ability to be aggressive with life and chill with people and I think I'm just going to embrace it. But why the hell does it have to be so damn hard to find a halfway decent apartment? I have between 21 and 27 days left, depending on the housing market, but I realized on the trip back that I am no longer in a rush to get to the next step, because it's now an inevitability. That is such a calming feeling.
I had some very perspecitve-orienting experiences over this extended weekend I took. The most worthy of mention involved standing in front of an inscription on a wall. I stood there reading it and was genuinely transported outside of all of my list items and sources of stress and mired thoughts. I totally did the lone tear thing, but not on purpose.
But in that moment, I had that wonderful feeling of being put in my place as far as struggles and goals went. It was as if the universe was calling me out and telling me to go harder. The only way to describe the feeling is that it's like trying to run up a hill, while pulling a wagon full of stones. And then a couple of the stones fall out and your speed and technique start to increase. Soon, I'll be running.
Finding the ability to translate those moments again is a good sign. Who gives a shit if someone thinks it's hokey, or hippie crap, or whatever. The inner silence in those moments is a private victory and I think it's fucking awesome. I'd suggest it to anyone.
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