ahhhhh

The pain. I am presently unable to sit in any one position for more than about 30 seconds, because of the pain level in my lower back and hips. Feels like the year 2001 all over again, but at least I'm doing something. Gotta put those last few insurance dollars to work before I'm back with the broke and impoverished again, 'cause it's 27 days days and 15 work days left. I have an appointment with boss to give my notice tomorrow afternoon and quite frankly despite the fact that I cannot move at all, I want the time to fly by so I can hand Boss the letter and start my goodbyes. If boss gets all fired up I'll be pretty scared though, because in my current condition, I think boss could take me.

So now onto something else.....change and my cynical commentary on it. I am - obviously - down with change. I'd even go so far as to say I'm good at it. I believe in change and in people's capacity to change......mostly. What I have found though, is that for many, even most people, changing location or job may be challenging, or it may be easy for some, but change of self is hard and many have a difficult time sticking with changes long term. I mean, truth be told, once you're an obnoxious, entitled, hot-head, it's hard to turn that off. You can claim enlightenment over and over and describe yourself as "a work in progress" (code for: I'm a total dick and I just want you to stick around longer). You can talk evolution all you want in the peaceful moments, but when it really comes down to it, if you are a hot-head asshole who overreacts to things and is selfish with your support of those in your life, it's probable that no one believes you; that the people you hurt and alienated have already called it a day.

Wonder why it's not all going well? Probably because it was all talk. Time for action.....but on your own time, away from me, please. I'm in the middle of some changes.

And this disjointedness is what happens when my back hurts and I'm hopped up. I'll write about the frogs and the kittens in balloons (how do their claws not pop them?) later.