...and sense

I made a budget over the weekend.  I'm pretty good at making a dollar out of fifteen cents, generally speaking, but this budget hurts.  I mean cut me deep, live out of the change that's in the schooner glass I stole from Mutt's, circa 1996, hurt. 

Temping doesn't afford a lavish lifestyle, unfortunately.  That and the fact that I'm down to my last $200 in savings, means that things are a liiiittle dicey on the financial front.  But by not getting / taking a different and more high-paying assignment, I was put into an insanely difficult financial situation (funny story, more on that later.....), but I ended up finding something I am passionately interested in.  Details about the company itself will be forthcoming once I am hired on permanently (and I'm confident I will be).  Suffice it to say though, the belt is pretty tight.  The fact that I will have a whopping $26 left over after rent and bills each month and that my social life will basically have to consist of the free and the freeloading for a while, AND the fact that I cannot afford a gym membership, regular pedicures, dining out, boozing heavily or skydiving....well I kind of don't care, because I'm genuinely happy.  Top that off with some chocolate candy and I don't have any complaints right now. 

I think I've always known this, but it really is all about perspective.  It's not about having what you want, but wanting what you have - seeing the beauty in every struggle and always pushing forward without letting the anger or frustration that you're bound to feel, overtake you.  Most importantly, trust your instincts.  In my first year of coaching, someone I greatly respected told me that I had some of the sharpest instincts he'd seen and that that can't only have applied to coaching.  He said I should trust myself a little more and put some effort into honing that intuitiveness.  I listened, I did. 

That doesn't mean I advocate for blindly following whims like feathers in the wind, but rather acknowledging that feeling in your gut and then doing the due diligence to see what it actually means and where it will lead you.  As previously stated, sometimes it will lead you off a cliff, but you'll have thought about that jump and decided that the risk is worth the unknown potential reward.  Seems I have sprouted a set of fledgling wings on the way down, because I was literally about a week away from hitting the ground before I started to glide and turn upward again. 

Long story long, I could always get hurt, it could all fall apart, and I could end up homeless (wouldn't be the first time), but I'm not focused on the negative what-if's at this point, because now that I'm here and I have a foothold - even if it's still a little unstable - I'm in a position to fight for what I want. 

If you want something, you have to go out and get it.  Set your sights on it and fight for it and figure it out.  Life doesn't hand shit out, so the passive man will only get scraps.