on the x

This is relatively boring as far as the high drama / ranting type post goes, but it was poignant enough that I decided to write about it. 

So I'm friends with my ex on facebook now.  No, not the asshole ex, the good one. 

I know, hard to keep them straight, right?  Come to think of it, that's not true - it's not hard to keep them straight at all.  I've had a handful of serious-ish relationships in my life, and two or three that were significant.  The two that are the most polar however, are the aforementioned d-bag, a-hole, and my new facebook friend, who happens to be one of the most amazing people I have ever known in my life. 

Short story short, we dated for about 2.5 years, during college.  He was my best friend and continued to be even after we broke up.  He treated me better than anyone had before or since and is one of the most genuinely good and kind-hearted human beings I have ever had the pleasure to know.  We broke up mostly because of me and the fact that I wasn't ready for the inevitable, were we to stay together.  We consoled each other through our own break up and even hung out afterward, on a regular basis.  Time passed.  We stayed amicable and when we have run into each other, it has been a truly happy experience. 

He is married now, to a great and very smart woman and they just had their first baby.  These things make me genuinely happy for him.  Seriously.  As it turns out, I am not sad or jealous or wondering what-if, because I think things went how they were supposed to go.  But still....it's kind of weird to be friends fifteen years down the line, with someone who saw me at my most vulnerable and with whom I shared so much and then parted ways for about thirteen of those years between then and now. 

In trading messages, I was sort of struck by how far I had let my standards fall in the dating arena.  I'm not glory-days-ing that relationship at all, by the way.  He really was that good to me and I really did let my standards slip.  Of course, I can't blame my spinsterhood entirely on lower standards.  I have shunned relationships for a long, long, long time in favor of so many other things that require less mental and emotional energy, or at least require them in different capacities.  I have no complaints and no regrets. 

I guess the point here is, in the most truly platonic and genuine sense, it is possible to have love for someone you once loved and it is possible to hear about their happy life and be happy.  I learned that yesterday and it was quite refreshing.  I like refreshing....it's kind of nice, compared to the alternative.  

Go grownups!