My friend Amine used to say fuck-us, instead of focus and the first time he said it that way, I was crying with laughter. I now at least think of the word that way every single time I hear it.
I can't fucking fucus on anything today. My mind is all over the place, darting in and out of caves and files it shouldn't be in. It's running through my head and just ransacking everything in sight, paying particular attention to the lonely, confused and emotionally wrought centers. It's awesome.
Have you ever noticed that as you get older, things tend to just converge and bottleneck all at once? No picking things off one by one, as they come. It's downpour or drought with everything. So there you are, cruising along for days or weeks or months or even years and then all of a sudden, you have broken bones, lose all interest in watching football and your friends start getting paired up and fleeing to states you made it a point, til now, never to step foot in. The vow of I love yous is wearing on and they are skipping days now.....only a matter of time until they skip off completely....only a matter of time.
So while I am trying desperately to get a hold of stock transfers, project flows and other people's tax documents, I am thinking only of the next time I will be able to walk without pain, have a pair of arms that actually are interested in me and in wrapping around me more than once every handful of weeks, and wondering what the hell I will do with myself when loser Friday or Saturday rolls around. How am I going to finish out this season of Dexter?
Great, I've lost my appetite again. Too bad my ass won't go with it. Well in times of feeling negative and irritated and a little lost,
- you know, I have to bust in on myself here and just admit that this damn thing is just too personal. Not all of this shit happens directly to me and some of it is an amalgam of experiences, but for the most part, things like today are pretty right on. Idiotic maybe, but who cares. I have no qualms about being myself, funny rant or confused and irritated. Sometimes it helps to just talk it out and if it doesn't, well I will refer you kindly back to that little red x in the upper right corner.
Anyway, I have apparently now lost focus to the point where I cannot complete a post on my little at-desk lunch break either, so fuck it. I'm pissed, I'm confused and I can't do the one thing that would actually help me process everything, and that is RUN. I can and have run in the figurative sense, but the literal still evades me.
It's like I'm now relegated to the sidelines of my life, to watch my friends and acquaintances healthy, getting super fit, making lives with people who love them and here I sit as an observer. If I didn't have job satisfaction (for which I am extremely grateful), I may be searching for the trigger with my broken big toe.
But, I'm not. I am slogging on and counting the days until I return to the land of my people to try and see if I can't just get my damn head screwed back on the right way. Not bloody likely, but at least I won't be freezing, and frustrated.
Damn, this was so lame and yet I'm still going to hit 'publish'. We are hitting new lows, people. Time to get the hiking boots out and go for a climb out of the pity pit.
18 December, 2008
still
Still no computer.
Still all my thoughts, bottled up like some sort of soda-bomb.
Still wondering why I only get my mail 2 times a week.
Stillpretending this blackberry isnt making me fully carpal.
BUT....only 7 days to vacation, so I suppose I can sit still a little longer.
Sorry these posts suck when I have no computer. I'd say it will get better, but I'm not much for lying.
Still waiting for 2 feet to walk on at the same time.
Still wondering how the boulder-esque dirt clod got in my house.
So much going on.
Still all my thoughts, bottled up like some sort of soda-bomb.
Still wondering why I only get my mail 2 times a week.
Stillpretending this blackberry isnt making me fully carpal.
BUT....only 7 days to vacation, so I suppose I can sit still a little longer.
Sorry these posts suck when I have no computer. I'd say it will get better, but I'm not much for lying.
Still waiting for 2 feet to walk on at the same time.
Still wondering how the boulder-esque dirt clod got in my house.
So much going on.
10 December, 2008
relegated
So I lent my laptop out this week, while taking pity on our compliance attorney's 22 hour flight schedule. Back to the pecking at the blackberry. If they dont have it already, I'm going to just invent a fold-up keyboard that can be plugged into this thing; I played 8 years of piano and was fine, but this damn thing is going to make me fully carpal.
I should so be passed out by now.
Right then,so all I have left in my tired bones is a quote I read that stuck with me:
"Prejudice is the child of ignorance."
True, no matter what the subject.
I should so be passed out by now.
Right then,so all I have left in my tired bones is a quote I read that stuck with me:
"Prejudice is the child of ignorance."
True, no matter what the subject.
03 December, 2008
how to do war
In today's session, we examine how to deal with war and threat of insurgent danger......
[lights raise on a pair of friends having transitioned from a more serious conversation, into one perforated by a bit of levity].
G: .....her sister seems the same way in the few words that she spoke about the military. in general those who are raised in it and stay close to it kinda drink the cool aid; they don't seem to question much.
me: yeah, def.
G: which is actually the opposite of what the military teaches it's officers"theoretically"oh well thank god there are men like [General who is not a Bushie].
me: i know, and it's funny that the infantrymen are usually the most conservative, when it's they who are getting the shaft the most.
G: and women, haha right?! it's easy for a pilot to lock on to the dot and drop his shit and be back in his warm rack a few hours later. "easy"...
me: relatively speaking, yes.
G: easier than slugging it out on the ground.
me: no mano a mano.
G: it's crazy to think about how we used to wage war. makes you reconsider a time when it was not as surgical as today.
me: i know, people cared about the war differently before vietnam / korea sent in this new era, because they were in it - hunkered down together with no amenities, no internet, no phones anywhere.
G: i'd rather be shot 5 times than get my arm hacked off with a sword, etc.
me: seriously
G: but only 5. 6 is pushing it, haha.
me: get impaled by a bayonet or get shot with a lead, round bullet from a distance and then have to reload your gun......bust out a little kit before you can take your next shot.
G: i dunno... things are just more tame - more like a video game these days. it makes things seem less deadly for those on the ground, when they're not at all.
me: yeah, now you can even shoot around a corner now, so you are watching the person you are shooting at on a screen. Not like the "whites of their eyes" anymore.
G: the fact that generals no longer physically watch their men get slaughtered is also good for the war business .
me: never have to make eye contact or smell someones breath going out of them.
G: yeah
me: it's totally a video game. when they get shot AT, it's very real though. i wouldn't want to be staring down a guy holding an rpg.
G: ? D&D?!
me: d&d?
G: too bad Akmed! I'm a level 38457293875 arch mage, and right before you detonated yourself, i cast a suicide bomb shield orb. hahaha
me: hahahahahahaha ,totally. what if you could yell that out on the battlefield?
me: dude, you can't shoot that grenade at me, because by the decree of Eaton, i cast a bullet-repelling force field, so your weapons are useless and will turn back against you! I am now invincible.
G: i am employing the "i don't wanna die" clause - simple but effective.
me: i'm also invoking the "no-maiming" addendum .
G: hahaha
me: dude, we could save so many lives. we should tour the world with this stuff. we can solve soooo many problems with such sound rhetoric.
G: what happens when "believing" in it just isn't enough?
me: hm....we may have to give some thought to that objection, but as we learn in sales, there are no real objections - they can all be overcome.
G: "um, i guess you need to amp up your faith, people."
me: crank it, dude! my faith is at ELEVEN, yo.
G: that's how the jeebus freaks do it
me: It could totally work and soon, people will be fighting with cardboard and duct tape, the way god intended.
[lights raise on a pair of friends having transitioned from a more serious conversation, into one perforated by a bit of levity].
G: .....her sister seems the same way in the few words that she spoke about the military. in general those who are raised in it and stay close to it kinda drink the cool aid; they don't seem to question much.
me: yeah, def.
G: which is actually the opposite of what the military teaches it's officers"theoretically"oh well thank god there are men like [General who is not a Bushie].
me: i know, and it's funny that the infantrymen are usually the most conservative, when it's they who are getting the shaft the most.
G: and women, haha right?! it's easy for a pilot to lock on to the dot and drop his shit and be back in his warm rack a few hours later. "easy"...
me: relatively speaking, yes.
G: easier than slugging it out on the ground.
me: no mano a mano.
G: it's crazy to think about how we used to wage war. makes you reconsider a time when it was not as surgical as today.
me: i know, people cared about the war differently before vietnam / korea sent in this new era, because they were in it - hunkered down together with no amenities, no internet, no phones anywhere.
G: i'd rather be shot 5 times than get my arm hacked off with a sword, etc.
me: seriously
G: but only 5. 6 is pushing it, haha.
me: get impaled by a bayonet or get shot with a lead, round bullet from a distance and then have to reload your gun......bust out a little kit before you can take your next shot.
G: i dunno... things are just more tame - more like a video game these days. it makes things seem less deadly for those on the ground, when they're not at all.
me: yeah, now you can even shoot around a corner now, so you are watching the person you are shooting at on a screen. Not like the "whites of their eyes" anymore.
G: the fact that generals no longer physically watch their men get slaughtered is also good for the war business .
me: never have to make eye contact or smell someones breath going out of them.
G: yeah
me: it's totally a video game. when they get shot AT, it's very real though. i wouldn't want to be staring down a guy holding an rpg.
G: ? D&D?!
me: d&d?
G: too bad Akmed! I'm a level 38457293875 arch mage, and right before you detonated yourself, i cast a suicide bomb shield orb. hahaha
me: hahahahahahaha ,totally. what if you could yell that out on the battlefield?
me: dude, you can't shoot that grenade at me, because by the decree of Eaton, i cast a bullet-repelling force field, so your weapons are useless and will turn back against you! I am now invincible.
G: i am employing the "i don't wanna die" clause - simple but effective.
me: i'm also invoking the "no-maiming" addendum .
G: hahaha
me: dude, we could save so many lives. we should tour the world with this stuff. we can solve soooo many problems with such sound rhetoric.
G: what happens when "believing" in it just isn't enough?
me: hm....we may have to give some thought to that objection, but as we learn in sales, there are no real objections - they can all be overcome.
G: "um, i guess you need to amp up your faith, people."
me: crank it, dude! my faith is at ELEVEN, yo.
G: that's how the jeebus freaks do it
me: It could totally work and soon, people will be fighting with cardboard and duct tape, the way god intended.
01 December, 2008
diet starts with die
So I've been on this "diet" for the last 2 weeks, and it is scheduled to continue into perpetuity. It's not a humongous, life-altering change in my eating habits, which are actually good. It's more an elimination of a few items, to be enjoyed only as a last resort or rare addition, none of which I will miss very much. It's designed to help my stupid foot and shoulder improve and stop hurting me to the point of inactivity.
My metabolism is at ZERO right now. Zero as in, it can't possibly get any slower.
I haven't lost any weight on this "diet", in fact, things have sort of gone the other way, but I'm not pulling the plug on it, because I'm trying steady state today, to see how my little paw feels after I've been on the spin bike for 45 minutes or so.
My point in mentioning this however, is to note that both yesterday and on Thanksgiving day, I strayed from my new regimen and ate: items containing gluten; dairy, pre-packaged / processed items; alcohol. I woke up this morning to an achy shoulder and foot.
Coincidence? I think not.
Nothing better than feeling abnormally large AND horrifyingly sedentary before falling asleep. Lucky for me, falling asleep to a food coma means.....yup you guessed it.....waking up at 3am to feel it some more. Awesome.
So I guess now would be just as good a time as any, to mention how much I hate it that people poop on the sidewalk.
My metabolism is at ZERO right now. Zero as in, it can't possibly get any slower.
I haven't lost any weight on this "diet", in fact, things have sort of gone the other way, but I'm not pulling the plug on it, because I'm trying steady state today, to see how my little paw feels after I've been on the spin bike for 45 minutes or so.
My point in mentioning this however, is to note that both yesterday and on Thanksgiving day, I strayed from my new regimen and ate: items containing gluten; dairy, pre-packaged / processed items; alcohol. I woke up this morning to an achy shoulder and foot.
Coincidence? I think not.
Nothing better than feeling abnormally large AND horrifyingly sedentary before falling asleep. Lucky for me, falling asleep to a food coma means.....yup you guessed it.....waking up at 3am to feel it some more. Awesome.
So I guess now would be just as good a time as any, to mention how much I hate it that people poop on the sidewalk.
26 November, 2008
sigh and chuckle
The definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior over and over again, expecting different results each time. it doesn't seem so insane the first, say, dozen or so times, but after a couple of years worth accrue, one has to wonder what sort of deficiency blocks the realization that things are simply not going to change.
So why is it that I continue to be baffled by what people do? Surprised that I can't get a straight answer to simple questions, mystified when I am cut off and stepped on as I exit the subway train, nonplussed when some hothead flips out over something that would seemingly be pleasant and beneficial to him or her.
And yet I continue. I say please, thank you and excuse me, knowing that such courtesies will most like not be returned and more often than not, will be met with a blank, perplexed stare. Sometimes to boot, I will also get a challenge from the recipient, as if a fight should break out. It's like bizarro world, sometimes and all I can really do is just laugh a little. What a bunch of odd folk, out there.
Only a couple more obstacles in my way, until I am whisked away on a train, to rumble past the obnoxious and confusing and head out to a place of warm cookies and family dinner and lounging around - at least for a day.
I bid you a happy turkey day, in advance. May your plate be full and your mind be empty.
So why is it that I continue to be baffled by what people do? Surprised that I can't get a straight answer to simple questions, mystified when I am cut off and stepped on as I exit the subway train, nonplussed when some hothead flips out over something that would seemingly be pleasant and beneficial to him or her.
And yet I continue. I say please, thank you and excuse me, knowing that such courtesies will most like not be returned and more often than not, will be met with a blank, perplexed stare. Sometimes to boot, I will also get a challenge from the recipient, as if a fight should break out. It's like bizarro world, sometimes and all I can really do is just laugh a little. What a bunch of odd folk, out there.
Only a couple more obstacles in my way, until I am whisked away on a train, to rumble past the obnoxious and confusing and head out to a place of warm cookies and family dinner and lounging around - at least for a day.
I bid you a happy turkey day, in advance. May your plate be full and your mind be empty.
25 November, 2008
rally
So occasionally during the day, friends stop by to chat for a second. Often times, we will briefly discuss relevant social, economic, or political issues, with varying degrees of intensity.
dude: rally. effing rally.
me: okay that reminds me of a steel pulse song. "rally round the flag, rally round the flag, rally round the red, gold, black and green...."
dude: I'm hoping for a market rally
me: haha....aren't we all. my bonus potential is tied to that damn market
dude: 7k is scary. we should do a road race fundraiser for stock market relief
me: i know right? we'll get a band called "the economists" to play and everyone can flick their four pound, engraved lighters. we can have a bake sale and a t-shirt stand too. The t-shirts could say "capitalism is hot"
dude: only serve redbull to drink
me: I'll make little dollar sign cookies
dude: give away free yay
me: hahaha we can weave hats out of ticker tape
dude: get e'rwon firrredup for dat rally!
me: good stuff, man
It's okay to be disturbed.
dude: rally. effing rally.
me: okay that reminds me of a steel pulse song. "rally round the flag, rally round the flag, rally round the red, gold, black and green...."
dude: I'm hoping for a market rally
me: haha....aren't we all. my bonus potential is tied to that damn market
dude: 7k is scary. we should do a road race fundraiser for stock market relief
me: i know right? we'll get a band called "the economists" to play and everyone can flick their four pound, engraved lighters. we can have a bake sale and a t-shirt stand too. The t-shirts could say "capitalism is hot"
dude: only serve redbull to drink
me: I'll make little dollar sign cookies
dude: give away free yay
me: hahaha we can weave hats out of ticker tape
dude: get e'rwon firrredup for dat rally!
me: good stuff, man
It's okay to be disturbed.
20 November, 2008
grid
I have had about all I can take for the moment, and it seems it is time to steel up. I think now is a good time to just fall off the grid.
Here I go.
Here I go.
vitriol ?
Well I guess my intermittent internet is only working after 3am. Lucky me, I'm up again.
Trying really hard to tap into this vitriol thing right now. See, spewing witticisms and loathing things like loud neighbors, idiotic 20 year old Marines and stinky, rude and annoying people is a talent of mine, in my opinion.
But really what happened is, I came home from the latest day of work EVER, and made myself a killer stir-fry and had a glass of wine, procured from Adam, the Polish wine guru down the street. Adam tried to force a shot of "sweet" vodka on me, while I perused the inventory, but settled instead for a small shot of a lovely beaujolais nuveau, which I ended up buying, because in a fantastic hippified way, the company bottled the wine in recyclable plastic and is planting a tree for every bottle sold. I feel more crunchy already.
No, I'm not "drinking alone".
So I have settled in, enjoyed my mini feast and drink and watched Top Chef. Sounds like I'm enjoying myself, doesn't it? I find it pretty fucking annoying that I'm so diluted at this point that I can't even bring myself to give a scathing dissertation. This is attributable to many things, of which I am all too painfully aware, but mostly because another one is moving away and the city is about to get even bigger again.
More on this later, maybe. This isn't really reflecting the level of vagueness I was hoping to achieve.
Trying really hard to tap into this vitriol thing right now. See, spewing witticisms and loathing things like loud neighbors, idiotic 20 year old Marines and stinky, rude and annoying people is a talent of mine, in my opinion.
But really what happened is, I came home from the latest day of work EVER, and made myself a killer stir-fry and had a glass of wine, procured from Adam, the Polish wine guru down the street. Adam tried to force a shot of "sweet" vodka on me, while I perused the inventory, but settled instead for a small shot of a lovely beaujolais nuveau, which I ended up buying, because in a fantastic hippified way, the company bottled the wine in recyclable plastic and is planting a tree for every bottle sold. I feel more crunchy already.
No, I'm not "drinking alone".
So I have settled in, enjoyed my mini feast and drink and watched Top Chef. Sounds like I'm enjoying myself, doesn't it? I find it pretty fucking annoying that I'm so diluted at this point that I can't even bring myself to give a scathing dissertation. This is attributable to many things, of which I am all too painfully aware, but mostly because another one is moving away and the city is about to get even bigger again.
More on this later, maybe. This isn't really reflecting the level of vagueness I was hoping to achieve.
19 November, 2008
warp
It was Sunday and now it's only Wednesday and I just cant believe how long it feels like it's been.
Hard to be without what you were so used to for so long, without feeling like on some level that it's all wrong, even if it's right for right now.
Change is good, change is hard, change sucks ass, but ultimately change will make it all better, I hear. Everyone is growing and it's all so....dare I say....healthy.
Am I getting healthy?
Whoa.
Hard to be without what you were so used to for so long, without feeling like on some level that it's all wrong, even if it's right for right now.
Change is good, change is hard, change sucks ass, but ultimately change will make it all better, I hear. Everyone is growing and it's all so....dare I say....healthy.
Am I getting healthy?
Whoa.
where i'm at.
I'm like the 9ers right now. A dynasty, classiest team in the sport, but who had some management issues. Me and the niners are in a rebuilding phase. I'll start with the literal.
Technically I can walk. I'm not about to try on my hot, dusty heels at the moment, but my orthopedic clogs and running shoes are doing all right. More healing to do there. My shoulder is still a fucking pain in my....well, my shoulder. It's going to take some time, money and a commitment to various therapy techniques, which are new to me, but it's on the horizon.
Due to the injurious nature of things, I have started an "anti-inflammatory" diet. Not a hey, I need to lose 15 pounds diet, but between that and the upswing in swimming and lifting, I'm sure it will be a byproduct.
This diet is actually recommended for people who have rheumatoid arthritis and I plan to stick to it for about 40-60 days to see if it really does reduce the pain in my foot and shoulder. This means more effort with food. Nothing processed. Nothing out of a box (which pretty much equals processed). No dairy, except for yogurt. No night shade veggies, or at least in very small quantities.
Berries, peppers, fish, spinach, are a full-on go. Fortunately, I like all of those things already. It's not such a huge stretch, just an amendment to my current diet. And in line with my whole universe and effort thing, here it is....out there. I am on day one. I lifted, and my 70% for bench is actually about 105, which means my 1 rep max is 10 pounds higher than I thought it was.
I have started and lined it all up to go. Only thing now is to follow through and adapt. And stop hitting the refresh button, because all of the same stuff that was there before, will be there after I hit it the next time and the next and the next. Time to focus on what I need and must do in order to achieve all of the stuff I tossed out there to get.
I'm drifting and carrying on now.....time to go. This is all very exposing. Perhaps I will operate under more vagueness going forward.....but there it is, where I'm at.
Technically I can walk. I'm not about to try on my hot, dusty heels at the moment, but my orthopedic clogs and running shoes are doing all right. More healing to do there. My shoulder is still a fucking pain in my....well, my shoulder. It's going to take some time, money and a commitment to various therapy techniques, which are new to me, but it's on the horizon.
Due to the injurious nature of things, I have started an "anti-inflammatory" diet. Not a hey, I need to lose 15 pounds diet, but between that and the upswing in swimming and lifting, I'm sure it will be a byproduct.
This diet is actually recommended for people who have rheumatoid arthritis and I plan to stick to it for about 40-60 days to see if it really does reduce the pain in my foot and shoulder. This means more effort with food. Nothing processed. Nothing out of a box (which pretty much equals processed). No dairy, except for yogurt. No night shade veggies, or at least in very small quantities.
Berries, peppers, fish, spinach, are a full-on go. Fortunately, I like all of those things already. It's not such a huge stretch, just an amendment to my current diet. And in line with my whole universe and effort thing, here it is....out there. I am on day one. I lifted, and my 70% for bench is actually about 105, which means my 1 rep max is 10 pounds higher than I thought it was.
I have started and lined it all up to go. Only thing now is to follow through and adapt. And stop hitting the refresh button, because all of the same stuff that was there before, will be there after I hit it the next time and the next and the next. Time to focus on what I need and must do in order to achieve all of the stuff I tossed out there to get.
I'm drifting and carrying on now.....time to go. This is all very exposing. Perhaps I will operate under more vagueness going forward.....but there it is, where I'm at.
18 November, 2008
to the universe
Part of what has gotten me down for a while now, is that I feel like I've lost something; a part of myself that I used to embrace. I let it trickle away very slowly and now I have overturned every box and piece of furniture in my brain and I can't seem to find it.
I used to have the gift of clarity and calm. I still have it when it comes to other people, but I used to have it inside; that ability to separate from situations and realize that while I have a role in everything good or bad, that happens in my life, that only a calm and level mind could direct me properly.
I used to visualize. Yes, the hippie version of visualizing, putting what I wanted out into the universe, writing it down, posting a photo as a reminder and then thinking of myself having it. I achieved great athletic success that way and got myself several jobs that way, as well. And now, where is it? I've slugged it out and done quite well for myself, but it's just not enough because I have no sense of peace. I need to regain my peace.
I have allowed myself to accept many situations that I should not have. I threw myself into jobs at companies that undervalued me and I undervalued myself as well. I chose relationships that did not fulfill me, both with friends and men, and I made excuses for why that was, accepting the responsibility for actions that hurt me, when the responsibility was not mine to take. This is wrong for a couple of reasons.
By taking the responsibility for other people on myself, I take away their opportunity and obligation to deal with their actions, themselves. It's not fair to me and it's not fair to them either. It has made me react instead of act and to shrink instead of growing. I don't feed myself, because I'm too worried about feeding others, who already have a full plate of food. It's bullshit and I am now seeing how I have done this to myself. The bottom is a good place from which to start building.
So this is me, sending a note to the universe.
I am starting over with the way I view every single relationship in my life. I don't have to ignore others in order to take care of myself. I will only accept healthy people into my life and I will only behave in a healthy way towards them and toward myself.
The next dating relationship I enter will be with a person who is totally stoked about me and who lets me know it often and in a variety of ways. I will only be with a person who will take care of me, consider me and protect me and who will let me do the same.
I don't know when this will happen and at this point in time, I have enough to work on, that I don't care. Maybe I already know that person, maybe not, but that is how it is going to be for me and I will accept nothing less.
I am nearing a career and starting to carve out what I want to pursue for the near to long term and I will pour myself into being excellent.
I will be fast again and I will race. I will be sharp, I will train hard and I will take care of myself in every possible way. I have done it before, lost my bearings and now it is time to pick up and move forward. No more brooding.
So universe, I will put in the passion and the work, now help me get what I want and deserve. The time is now.
I used to have the gift of clarity and calm. I still have it when it comes to other people, but I used to have it inside; that ability to separate from situations and realize that while I have a role in everything good or bad, that happens in my life, that only a calm and level mind could direct me properly.
I used to visualize. Yes, the hippie version of visualizing, putting what I wanted out into the universe, writing it down, posting a photo as a reminder and then thinking of myself having it. I achieved great athletic success that way and got myself several jobs that way, as well. And now, where is it? I've slugged it out and done quite well for myself, but it's just not enough because I have no sense of peace. I need to regain my peace.
I have allowed myself to accept many situations that I should not have. I threw myself into jobs at companies that undervalued me and I undervalued myself as well. I chose relationships that did not fulfill me, both with friends and men, and I made excuses for why that was, accepting the responsibility for actions that hurt me, when the responsibility was not mine to take. This is wrong for a couple of reasons.
By taking the responsibility for other people on myself, I take away their opportunity and obligation to deal with their actions, themselves. It's not fair to me and it's not fair to them either. It has made me react instead of act and to shrink instead of growing. I don't feed myself, because I'm too worried about feeding others, who already have a full plate of food. It's bullshit and I am now seeing how I have done this to myself. The bottom is a good place from which to start building.
So this is me, sending a note to the universe.
I am starting over with the way I view every single relationship in my life. I don't have to ignore others in order to take care of myself. I will only accept healthy people into my life and I will only behave in a healthy way towards them and toward myself.
The next dating relationship I enter will be with a person who is totally stoked about me and who lets me know it often and in a variety of ways. I will only be with a person who will take care of me, consider me and protect me and who will let me do the same.
I don't know when this will happen and at this point in time, I have enough to work on, that I don't care. Maybe I already know that person, maybe not, but that is how it is going to be for me and I will accept nothing less.
I am nearing a career and starting to carve out what I want to pursue for the near to long term and I will pour myself into being excellent.
I will be fast again and I will race. I will be sharp, I will train hard and I will take care of myself in every possible way. I have done it before, lost my bearings and now it is time to pick up and move forward. No more brooding.
So universe, I will put in the passion and the work, now help me get what I want and deserve. The time is now.
17 November, 2008
later pontificator
I am lucky enough to have a friend of many, many years, who is just as wierd and existential as me. Although there are sometimes relatively long silences in our correspondence, and although we have flip flopped coasts in such a convenient manner that we are never less than 3000 miles apart, I have an unending appreciation for my friend's thought process and sense of humor.
An excerpt.
E: Do you have more questions or have you discovered more answers as to the meaning of this whole thing? As to what extent are we supposed to toil around in the muck of this bizarre thing called life? I can't even get any semblance of clues...all I do know, or seem to notice, is that there seems to be this path that I have no control over...that when I throw caution to the wind and do things I know I shouldn't be or when I do things that I merely do for the sake of shaking up the continuum, after a while, no matter short or long, I stop, glance around, and, alas, I'm back on the path. It's very David Byrne "How did I get here?" All in all, through it all, it instills a mild fear and unpredictable doubt to the point I question my invincibility...and, yes, that may come out egotistical and/or obnoxious, but it goes back to the path...no matter what I say or how I interpret these boorish observations. It's almost, dare I say, quite boring. I shrug my shoulders.
Hope you are well superstar!
Me: On the one hand, I feel like it's a waste of time to analyze the path, because it is there and we seem to be on it, whether we want to be or not. On the other hand, I feel the need to bruise my grey matter, banging its casing against the proverbial wall, wanting to will it to break down, stop closing me in, and just let me be. I lose either way, it seems, and I am finding myself getting to the point of just truly letting go, in some cheesy zen-like surrender to the universe. Maybe the abandonment of everything is the true road, we could get away with anything that way.....
I don't think I know what I'm talking about.
An excerpt.
E: Do you have more questions or have you discovered more answers as to the meaning of this whole thing? As to what extent are we supposed to toil around in the muck of this bizarre thing called life? I can't even get any semblance of clues...all I do know, or seem to notice, is that there seems to be this path that I have no control over...that when I throw caution to the wind and do things I know I shouldn't be or when I do things that I merely do for the sake of shaking up the continuum, after a while, no matter short or long, I stop, glance around, and, alas, I'm back on the path. It's very David Byrne "How did I get here?" All in all, through it all, it instills a mild fear and unpredictable doubt to the point I question my invincibility...and, yes, that may come out egotistical and/or obnoxious, but it goes back to the path...no matter what I say or how I interpret these boorish observations. It's almost, dare I say, quite boring. I shrug my shoulders.
Hope you are well superstar!
Me: On the one hand, I feel like it's a waste of time to analyze the path, because it is there and we seem to be on it, whether we want to be or not. On the other hand, I feel the need to bruise my grey matter, banging its casing against the proverbial wall, wanting to will it to break down, stop closing me in, and just let me be. I lose either way, it seems, and I am finding myself getting to the point of just truly letting go, in some cheesy zen-like surrender to the universe. Maybe the abandonment of everything is the true road, we could get away with anything that way.....
I don't think I know what I'm talking about.
14 November, 2008
ah
Yet another reason why I love Brooklyn. After an escapist night watching football and drinking (a lot of) beer, it took me 2 hours and 15 minutes to get home, party people.
The total mileage of the trip was about 7 miles.
So my pontificating post for this Thursday evening / Friday morning, will have to wait, because I got back to no-man's-land a little too late. Yup, I'm a poet.
So while I'm at it, with shit that doesn't matter and things I'm not really interested in, 3 months until I can start looking in Manhattan again and be back closer to my peeps. Having to constantly travel to the people who actually care if I'm around is a total pain in the ass, but it's been an interesting spell I've spent here in the stix and I don't regret the clarity it has given me on many levels.
Well then. That was interesting to approximately no one, so I will beef back up with all sorts of fantastic anecdotes, real soon. Yeeee haw.
The total mileage of the trip was about 7 miles.
So my pontificating post for this Thursday evening / Friday morning, will have to wait, because I got back to no-man's-land a little too late. Yup, I'm a poet.
So while I'm at it, with shit that doesn't matter and things I'm not really interested in, 3 months until I can start looking in Manhattan again and be back closer to my peeps. Having to constantly travel to the people who actually care if I'm around is a total pain in the ass, but it's been an interesting spell I've spent here in the stix and I don't regret the clarity it has given me on many levels.
Well then. That was interesting to approximately no one, so I will beef back up with all sorts of fantastic anecdotes, real soon. Yeeee haw.
12 November, 2008
11 November, 2008
stupid yorkies
I have been a 9er fan, ever since I can remember. The dynasty, the classiest team in football, the team to some of my greatest sports heroes.
But that damned York family has turned it all into a mess and now they are struggling to beat and eventually losing to the Cardinals. The fucking Cardinals? Are you kidding me??
My grandmother must be turning over in her grave. I can only hope that Singletary can overcome the mess that family has left him and put my team back together to be the stellar clan I remember them to be.
My niners will triumph despite the owner's meddling and bullshit and from the ashes of the past several years, will be the phoenix that is my team. I really need them to do well again so I can start talking shit. It's not as much fun to trash talk when you know your team is going to lose.
Let's go, boys.....gitterdun.
But that damned York family has turned it all into a mess and now they are struggling to beat and eventually losing to the Cardinals. The fucking Cardinals? Are you kidding me??
My grandmother must be turning over in her grave. I can only hope that Singletary can overcome the mess that family has left him and put my team back together to be the stellar clan I remember them to be.
My niners will triumph despite the owner's meddling and bullshit and from the ashes of the past several years, will be the phoenix that is my team. I really need them to do well again so I can start talking shit. It's not as much fun to trash talk when you know your team is going to lose.
Let's go, boys.....gitterdun.
10 November, 2008
dumbest thing ever.
In reference to the protesters outside the mormon temple in L.A., I happened into a conversation / debate with two individuals whom I have never met, through a friend I have known for most of my life. It's the dumbest conversation ever and I'm not sure why I stayed engaged as long as I did, but it's kind of funny, so I present it for your horror and amusement.
Fanatic #1:
I love it when they say that they're all about tolerance...Yeah! So long as everybody agrees with them! If not, they will picket, harass, shout abuse, vandalize and sue until they get their way! Everyone is going to support gay marriage or they will make sure their life is a living hell!!! Yeah, that's real tolerance for ya!
me:
If someone told you that you couldn't go to the church you wanted or raise a family because you were mormon, you would have something to say about that, too. I think it is a violation of civil liberties to keep people who love each other from being legally recognized as married. If the church doesn't want to see them that way, that is the church's prerogative, but legally, it is unfair.
Fanatic #1:
It is no such violation. Marriage is recognized by God as a union between a WOMAN and MAN. The supreme court nor individual states have the right to redefine WHAT THEY DID NOT CREATE!!! The perameters of marriage were not outlined by the supreme court or any legal body. Marriage is not a legal union to provide equal rights to individuals. If same sex couples want to have a civil union, that is fine, but they do NOT have the right or authority to redefine marriage, pure and simple. Please...the people have voted on this TWICE and made their decision....why won't people let it go??? THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN!!!
Fanatic #2:
What if a 50 year old man and a 12 year old girl "love each other?" Is it a violation of civil liberties to keep them from getting married? What about the woman who is "in love" with a dolphin and wants to marry it? Is her civil liberties being violated? There will always be laws that some think to be unfair, because people come up with some pretty weird shiznit to practice. So the state decided to put it to a vote, and guess what? The people decided.
me:
So being gay is the same as bestiality? A 12 year old girl is a minor, whose parents would have to consent for her to marry the 50 year old man, so that argument doesn't work either.
And by "the people", you mean that since the majority are straight, that they should be able to override the rights of minorities then, yes?
Fanatic #2:
So, who decides that a 12-year-old is a minor? The people do! There are some who think that 12 years old is plenty grown up, After all, 12 year old girls menstruate, shouldn't they be considered women, able to bear children and be married? But no, the people have decided that 12 years old is too young to be married. How dare they discriminate against this 12 year old woman who is in love? How dare they take away her civil rights! You're accusing this dolphin of being a "beast"? You're willing to discriminate against a dolphin just because it doesn't look like you or act like you? That's discrimination! You're violating that dolphin's civil rights! That dolphin hasn't ever done anything to you! The dolphin and the woman love each other and so they deserve to get married! You're saying that just because YOU think the 12-year-old is a "minor",and YOU think the dolphin is a "beast", that they shouldn't be legally allowed to be married! And, since the majority of people don't marry 12-year-olds, and the majority of people don't marry dolphins, that YOU should be able to override the rights of THESE minorities?Everyone has to draw a line somewhere. Whether it be at gays or at dolphins, the definition of "marriage" is always going to have limits, it's always going to have boundaries. Otherwise, marriage would be meaningless; women would be marrying dolphins, and old men would be marrying children, and then what sanctity would marriage have anymore? No matter what, that "line" is going to discriminate against certain people and their choices. Apparently, the majority of the people draw the line before gay marriage.
me:
Wow. I am both amazed and appalled at your lack of logic. I grew up in a very religious household, went to church at least twice a week and attended seminary every morning, just like many others did. I was spoon fed the same rhetoric and managed to come out being open minded and having an understanding that the mormon god is only one collective group's opinion of religion and life.
Do you know the definition of bestiality? By that definition, a dolphin, or any other animal would fit right in. And being gay is in no way akin to being an animal.
Do you think that marriage or civil union will be any less sacred and important to two consenting gay adults than it would be to anyone else? Obviously you don't know a very large sample of gay people, if you think otherwise.
No one is challenging your family or your religion. They are only challenging the obvious discrimination which prevents able people from being married and living a happy life. Persecution against anyone is wrong.
Fanatic #1:
[quoting me] "They are only challenging the obvious discrimination which prevents able people from being married and living a happy life. Persecution against anyone is wrong."
By your own logic we should not persecute against 12 year olds who want to marry 50-year-olds or women who want to marry dolphins. Don't these people want to live their definition of a happy life? Should we challenge the obvious discrimination that prevents them from living a happy life?I'm not saying that gay marriage is the same as bestiality, not at all. I am simply pointing out that the talking points you use to justify gay marriage could just as easily be used for far more heinous crimes. You could use the same "right to a happy life" to justify rape, pedophilia, bestiality, abuse, neglect, theft, abortion, bigamy, drug addiction, larceny....the list goes on and on. Most people would not say that gay marriage is as bad as these incidents, but again, where do we draw the line? The people have decided where the line should be drawn.Gay partnerships already have the same rights in California as heterosexual couples, married or not. Prop 8 was not about discrimination; gays are already allowed all of the same rights. This was a decision made by the people to determine what the definition of marriage is, nothing more, nothing less. A paper certificate should not be the deciding factor between whether a person is leading a "happy life" or not. No one is challenging a gay person's "family or religion" with Prop 8; we are not preventing them from being together as a couple or living happily together for the rest of their lives. We are not preventing anyone from being happy, merely preserving the definition of marriage as per tradition.
Fanatic #2:
I'm just wondering what the point of voting is when the sore losers refuse to hear the MAJORITY's answer and try to overturn it? If Prop 8 had not passed, we would have to accept it, but guess what? IT DID!!! Live with it already! Enough! Nobody is stopping same sex couples from being together so quit crying about it! Rachel you are missing the point.. Prop 8 goes SO FAR past the marriage issue...look at MA and how they are indoctrinating school children as young as kindergartners that gay marriage is acceptable and good. Parents who oppose this are powerless as to what their children are taught in school! Rediculous!!! They do not even have the option of taking their children out of the classroom and can be jailed for this. You tell me, who is not tolerant and who discriminates!!!
Me:
Teaching children to be open minded and accepting of the world they live in is absolutely not intolerant, in fact it is quite the opposite. Forcing children to listen to prayer in class is just as offensive, to many people. And you do have an option to change schools. There are plenty of schools that teach creationism and discrimination all over the country.
Gay marriage IS acceptable. Using the majority as a bully crowd is the same thing that happened when blacks and women were denied the same rights and privileges as white men. Funny how quickly we forget. Discriminating against a minority group who contributes so greatly to our society and culture can easily be likened to the LDS people being driven out of Nauvoo and having to take a century or so to gain acceptance by the mainstream population.
Using the 12 y.o. / 50 y.o. example is faulty because if the 12 y.o.'s parents consent, then it is perfectly legal for that to happen. Frightening, but legal. Religion has no place in govt.
Fanatic #1:
Why should my children have to "change schools" because we don't want to swallow the "gay is okay" kool-aid??? Gay marriage is NOT acceptable - homosexuality is a sin. Don't even compare this to blacks or the saints driven from nauvoo. Nobody is being driven out of anywhere nor told to sit on the back of a bus. We are standing up for what we believe in because is it THE RIGHT THING TO DO. Do you remember Soddom & Gamorah (sp?)...Maybe you should reaquaint yourself with the definition of a sodomite! Sounds like someone needs to dust the cobwebs off their Book of Mormon or Bible and read up on the last days.....
me: (at this point, I am getting tired and it's not as funny to argue with ignorance anymore)
Why should my children have to suffer through a bunch of religious nonsense, in a publicly funded learning institution? Who says being gay is a sin? Your god? Certainly not my god. No god that I would believe in would ever be so cruel as to deny anyone the right to live and participate equally in the world with everyone else. Those books were written and interpreted by men and are interesting historical allegories.
And if you really want to go there, why were blacks not allowed in the church until conveniently, god came down to president kimball to tell him that it was suddenly okay?
Sodom and Gommorah blew up because the entire area was like a sulfer-filled powder keg, not because people were gay. Don't be so naive.
Excluding people from what is supposed to be a free society is not the right thing to do, ever. I wouldn't agree with it if someone did it to anyone based on religion and I don't agree with it based on sexual preference.
**I gave up on it after this point, mostly because it wasn't fun to debate it anymore and it started to make me sad how vehemently some people will hold onto beliefs that are just asinine. Then, I had to laugh, because the whole discussion was surreptitiously removed and the comment I had sent to the person who started the whole thing was not replied to and deleted. Funny stuff. This is why I love religion.....it makes people so logical and rational.
Fanatic #1:
I love it when they say that they're all about tolerance...Yeah! So long as everybody agrees with them! If not, they will picket, harass, shout abuse, vandalize and sue until they get their way! Everyone is going to support gay marriage or they will make sure their life is a living hell!!! Yeah, that's real tolerance for ya!
me:
If someone told you that you couldn't go to the church you wanted or raise a family because you were mormon, you would have something to say about that, too. I think it is a violation of civil liberties to keep people who love each other from being legally recognized as married. If the church doesn't want to see them that way, that is the church's prerogative, but legally, it is unfair.
Fanatic #1:
It is no such violation. Marriage is recognized by God as a union between a WOMAN and MAN. The supreme court nor individual states have the right to redefine WHAT THEY DID NOT CREATE!!! The perameters of marriage were not outlined by the supreme court or any legal body. Marriage is not a legal union to provide equal rights to individuals. If same sex couples want to have a civil union, that is fine, but they do NOT have the right or authority to redefine marriage, pure and simple. Please...the people have voted on this TWICE and made their decision....why won't people let it go??? THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN!!!
Fanatic #2:
What if a 50 year old man and a 12 year old girl "love each other?" Is it a violation of civil liberties to keep them from getting married? What about the woman who is "in love" with a dolphin and wants to marry it? Is her civil liberties being violated? There will always be laws that some think to be unfair, because people come up with some pretty weird shiznit to practice. So the state decided to put it to a vote, and guess what? The people decided.
me:
So being gay is the same as bestiality? A 12 year old girl is a minor, whose parents would have to consent for her to marry the 50 year old man, so that argument doesn't work either.
And by "the people", you mean that since the majority are straight, that they should be able to override the rights of minorities then, yes?
Fanatic #2:
So, who decides that a 12-year-old is a minor? The people do! There are some who think that 12 years old is plenty grown up, After all, 12 year old girls menstruate, shouldn't they be considered women, able to bear children and be married? But no, the people have decided that 12 years old is too young to be married. How dare they discriminate against this 12 year old woman who is in love? How dare they take away her civil rights! You're accusing this dolphin of being a "beast"? You're willing to discriminate against a dolphin just because it doesn't look like you or act like you? That's discrimination! You're violating that dolphin's civil rights! That dolphin hasn't ever done anything to you! The dolphin and the woman love each other and so they deserve to get married! You're saying that just because YOU think the 12-year-old is a "minor",and YOU think the dolphin is a "beast", that they shouldn't be legally allowed to be married! And, since the majority of people don't marry 12-year-olds, and the majority of people don't marry dolphins, that YOU should be able to override the rights of THESE minorities?Everyone has to draw a line somewhere. Whether it be at gays or at dolphins, the definition of "marriage" is always going to have limits, it's always going to have boundaries. Otherwise, marriage would be meaningless; women would be marrying dolphins, and old men would be marrying children, and then what sanctity would marriage have anymore? No matter what, that "line" is going to discriminate against certain people and their choices. Apparently, the majority of the people draw the line before gay marriage.
me:
Wow. I am both amazed and appalled at your lack of logic. I grew up in a very religious household, went to church at least twice a week and attended seminary every morning, just like many others did. I was spoon fed the same rhetoric and managed to come out being open minded and having an understanding that the mormon god is only one collective group's opinion of religion and life.
Do you know the definition of bestiality? By that definition, a dolphin, or any other animal would fit right in. And being gay is in no way akin to being an animal.
Do you think that marriage or civil union will be any less sacred and important to two consenting gay adults than it would be to anyone else? Obviously you don't know a very large sample of gay people, if you think otherwise.
No one is challenging your family or your religion. They are only challenging the obvious discrimination which prevents able people from being married and living a happy life. Persecution against anyone is wrong.
Fanatic #1:
[quoting me] "They are only challenging the obvious discrimination which prevents able people from being married and living a happy life. Persecution against anyone is wrong."
By your own logic we should not persecute against 12 year olds who want to marry 50-year-olds or women who want to marry dolphins. Don't these people want to live their definition of a happy life? Should we challenge the obvious discrimination that prevents them from living a happy life?I'm not saying that gay marriage is the same as bestiality, not at all. I am simply pointing out that the talking points you use to justify gay marriage could just as easily be used for far more heinous crimes. You could use the same "right to a happy life" to justify rape, pedophilia, bestiality, abuse, neglect, theft, abortion, bigamy, drug addiction, larceny....the list goes on and on. Most people would not say that gay marriage is as bad as these incidents, but again, where do we draw the line? The people have decided where the line should be drawn.Gay partnerships already have the same rights in California as heterosexual couples, married or not. Prop 8 was not about discrimination; gays are already allowed all of the same rights. This was a decision made by the people to determine what the definition of marriage is, nothing more, nothing less. A paper certificate should not be the deciding factor between whether a person is leading a "happy life" or not. No one is challenging a gay person's "family or religion" with Prop 8; we are not preventing them from being together as a couple or living happily together for the rest of their lives. We are not preventing anyone from being happy, merely preserving the definition of marriage as per tradition.
Fanatic #2:
I'm just wondering what the point of voting is when the sore losers refuse to hear the MAJORITY's answer and try to overturn it? If Prop 8 had not passed, we would have to accept it, but guess what? IT DID!!! Live with it already! Enough! Nobody is stopping same sex couples from being together so quit crying about it! Rachel you are missing the point.. Prop 8 goes SO FAR past the marriage issue...look at MA and how they are indoctrinating school children as young as kindergartners that gay marriage is acceptable and good. Parents who oppose this are powerless as to what their children are taught in school! Rediculous!!! They do not even have the option of taking their children out of the classroom and can be jailed for this. You tell me, who is not tolerant and who discriminates!!!
Me:
Teaching children to be open minded and accepting of the world they live in is absolutely not intolerant, in fact it is quite the opposite. Forcing children to listen to prayer in class is just as offensive, to many people. And you do have an option to change schools. There are plenty of schools that teach creationism and discrimination all over the country.
Gay marriage IS acceptable. Using the majority as a bully crowd is the same thing that happened when blacks and women were denied the same rights and privileges as white men. Funny how quickly we forget. Discriminating against a minority group who contributes so greatly to our society and culture can easily be likened to the LDS people being driven out of Nauvoo and having to take a century or so to gain acceptance by the mainstream population.
Using the 12 y.o. / 50 y.o. example is faulty because if the 12 y.o.'s parents consent, then it is perfectly legal for that to happen. Frightening, but legal. Religion has no place in govt.
Fanatic #1:
Why should my children have to "change schools" because we don't want to swallow the "gay is okay" kool-aid??? Gay marriage is NOT acceptable - homosexuality is a sin. Don't even compare this to blacks or the saints driven from nauvoo. Nobody is being driven out of anywhere nor told to sit on the back of a bus. We are standing up for what we believe in because is it THE RIGHT THING TO DO. Do you remember Soddom & Gamorah (sp?)...Maybe you should reaquaint yourself with the definition of a sodomite! Sounds like someone needs to dust the cobwebs off their Book of Mormon or Bible and read up on the last days.....
me: (at this point, I am getting tired and it's not as funny to argue with ignorance anymore)
Why should my children have to suffer through a bunch of religious nonsense, in a publicly funded learning institution? Who says being gay is a sin? Your god? Certainly not my god. No god that I would believe in would ever be so cruel as to deny anyone the right to live and participate equally in the world with everyone else. Those books were written and interpreted by men and are interesting historical allegories.
And if you really want to go there, why were blacks not allowed in the church until conveniently, god came down to president kimball to tell him that it was suddenly okay?
Sodom and Gommorah blew up because the entire area was like a sulfer-filled powder keg, not because people were gay. Don't be so naive.
Excluding people from what is supposed to be a free society is not the right thing to do, ever. I wouldn't agree with it if someone did it to anyone based on religion and I don't agree with it based on sexual preference.
**I gave up on it after this point, mostly because it wasn't fun to debate it anymore and it started to make me sad how vehemently some people will hold onto beliefs that are just asinine. Then, I had to laugh, because the whole discussion was surreptitiously removed and the comment I had sent to the person who started the whole thing was not replied to and deleted. Funny stuff. This is why I love religion.....it makes people so logical and rational.
06 November, 2008
prop-tection
Proposition 8 was up for a vote in a few different states the other day, California being one of them. I take a special interest in this because California is where I matriculated most of my life and also because I have several gay friends whose lives will potentially be affected by the outcome.
There are still a few million absentee ballots to go. At present however, it is so tight a margin, that many are calling it as a passed measure; something which disappoints me greatly. It is, in my eyes, totally unlawful to use god as a reason to keep good people from enjoying the same civil liberties as everyone else. It is discriminatory and wrong.
The signs and proclamations of joy that I have seen in celebration of it's potential passing have involved phrases like "we have god to thank" and "we have saved the families". Saved them from what?
We don't have god to thank for that. The poor, discriminatory souls who voted for that proposition have lots of other unfortunate people just like them to thank for that. No families have been saved and no "winning" was done.
What did these people think was going to happen if it was defeated? Did they think that they would have to shutter their windows and crouch under the dining room table at night, lest some loving, gay couple who wants to start a family should come bursting through their doors and snatch up their little ones, to carry them off to the land of gay-dom?
Or maybe that if gay couples are afforded the same legal rights and obligations when joining together, that the marriage rate would go up? Scary.
Perhaps they think that if gay couples are able to adopt and start families with greater ease, that they will infect the children they love and care for with their gay-ness, thereby spawning a generation of brainwashed youth, wandering around out there in the world being open-minded and tolerant of other people. Can you imagine such a thing?
Marriage is a religious acknowledgement. Union is a legal acknowledgement. The fact that "marriage" as a word is now used as a means to represent a legal union, muddies the waters a bit. If your religion doesn't want to acknowledge people as married, fine. The judicial system however, is ever swayed by what a bunch of self-righteous keeper-outers have to say about other people's lives and it makes me cringe. If two people want to join themselves legally and deal with all of the paperwork and commitment involved in binding themselves, their fortunes and misfortunes, in order to enjoy the tax break and visiting hours they get because of it, I see no reason not to let them do that.
All that will happen by the passage of this measure, is that we will take a step backwards and continue to stunt the freedom of many of our citizens who contribute to our society in a variety of ways. We rob good people of the chance to fulfill their lives the way they want and we steal away from children, the opportunity to be parented by loving and capable men and women.
Those who voted yes, should be ashamed of themselves.
There are still a few million absentee ballots to go. At present however, it is so tight a margin, that many are calling it as a passed measure; something which disappoints me greatly. It is, in my eyes, totally unlawful to use god as a reason to keep good people from enjoying the same civil liberties as everyone else. It is discriminatory and wrong.
The signs and proclamations of joy that I have seen in celebration of it's potential passing have involved phrases like "we have god to thank" and "we have saved the families". Saved them from what?
We don't have god to thank for that. The poor, discriminatory souls who voted for that proposition have lots of other unfortunate people just like them to thank for that. No families have been saved and no "winning" was done.
What did these people think was going to happen if it was defeated? Did they think that they would have to shutter their windows and crouch under the dining room table at night, lest some loving, gay couple who wants to start a family should come bursting through their doors and snatch up their little ones, to carry them off to the land of gay-dom?
Or maybe that if gay couples are afforded the same legal rights and obligations when joining together, that the marriage rate would go up? Scary.
Perhaps they think that if gay couples are able to adopt and start families with greater ease, that they will infect the children they love and care for with their gay-ness, thereby spawning a generation of brainwashed youth, wandering around out there in the world being open-minded and tolerant of other people. Can you imagine such a thing?
Marriage is a religious acknowledgement. Union is a legal acknowledgement. The fact that "marriage" as a word is now used as a means to represent a legal union, muddies the waters a bit. If your religion doesn't want to acknowledge people as married, fine. The judicial system however, is ever swayed by what a bunch of self-righteous keeper-outers have to say about other people's lives and it makes me cringe. If two people want to join themselves legally and deal with all of the paperwork and commitment involved in binding themselves, their fortunes and misfortunes, in order to enjoy the tax break and visiting hours they get because of it, I see no reason not to let them do that.
All that will happen by the passage of this measure, is that we will take a step backwards and continue to stunt the freedom of many of our citizens who contribute to our society in a variety of ways. We rob good people of the chance to fulfill their lives the way they want and we steal away from children, the opportunity to be parented by loving and capable men and women.
Those who voted yes, should be ashamed of themselves.
04 November, 2008
birthday voting
Today is my birthday (well technically it was yesterday). Tomorrow is election day (which is technically today).
For my birthday, I would like for everyone to inform themselves on the candidates, their policy ideas, their contradictions and their ethics.
Then I would like everyone to make an unemotional decision about this at the polls.
Do not vote for the person you think is better looking. Do not vote for the person whose suits appeal to you more. Do not make your choice based on liking a candidate's name better, skin color better, hair better or wife better. These are all emotional choices that have nothing to do with anything and they are bullshit.
DO vote for the person whose economic ideas (you estimate) will get our country out of the cavernous hole we are in. Do vote for the person who you think has the leadership qualities to get necessary policy passed. Do vote for the person you think will be able to improve our standing and reputation with the rest of the world.
And then stand by your decision and have a really good, logical reason for doing it.
If you can't do those things, then don't vote. There's nothing worse than the person who goes out and casts an irresponsible ballot. Better to stay home than fuck the country up even more by being reckless with your privilege.
For my birthday, I would like for everyone to inform themselves on the candidates, their policy ideas, their contradictions and their ethics.
Then I would like everyone to make an unemotional decision about this at the polls.
Do not vote for the person you think is better looking. Do not vote for the person whose suits appeal to you more. Do not make your choice based on liking a candidate's name better, skin color better, hair better or wife better. These are all emotional choices that have nothing to do with anything and they are bullshit.
DO vote for the person whose economic ideas (you estimate) will get our country out of the cavernous hole we are in. Do vote for the person who you think has the leadership qualities to get necessary policy passed. Do vote for the person you think will be able to improve our standing and reputation with the rest of the world.
And then stand by your decision and have a really good, logical reason for doing it.
If you can't do those things, then don't vote. There's nothing worse than the person who goes out and casts an irresponsible ballot. Better to stay home than fuck the country up even more by being reckless with your privilege.
02 November, 2008
o-lord-prah
So I'm flipping through the television to find CSI: Miami and my favorite, David Caruso, and I happened to pause for about 30 seconds on Oprah.
I don't watch Oprah. While I think she has done some great and meaningful segments on her show over the years, I don't really relate to most of her demographic and I don't need her to tell me what to wear, eat, or read, because I can forage for those tidbits on my own. Being a rower and all, I also know what a healthy shit looks like, so I'm covered there as well.
As I paused however, there was a woman on a tv screen on Skype (about which I know very little), talking about how she "tried to lose the weight by eating right" and she "started to do the exercise" and then she "just didn't".
She just didn't.
Her next quote was about how she is a "real person".....you know, a "real mom, with kids and responsibilities" and she just can't seem to carve it out of her day to eat right or work out, because she doesn't have time to cook like that or exercise.
Load of shit much? Uh, yeah.
There is a huge gap, and therefore a lot of room for play, between the mother of 4 who is an Ironman finisher at 38 and manages a 3 hour workout six days a week, while managing a 50 hour work week, and the woman who feeds herself and her family healthful foods and squeezes in a 30-60 minute workout for health and sanity 4-5 days a week.
There is no real discernible difference between "I never lost the baby weight" and "I'm a lazy sack, who makes tons of excuses," outside of a serious, diagnosed medical issue, and even those include treatment programs that generally encourage strict diet guidelines. So going on Oprah on your web cam and talking about how you are a "real person" is nothing more than a line of crap.
Did she ever realize that in the time she sat, parked on her ass watching Oprah, she could have completed a sufficient workout AND packaged a weeks worth of healthy food and snacks for herself and her family to eat at home, work or school? But then she would have had to miss Oprah?! Quelle dommage!
Oprah sat interested on her little, yellow couch, doing her interested look with her head cocked, interestedly to the side and her hand on her chin. I wished with all my being, that her next comment had been:
"So what I'm hearing you say, is that you are actually not looking to actually do anything healthful to change your bodyweight and longevity, and that you are, in fact, enjoying sitting around bitching about being overweight and unfit."
The "real person" would then have been shocked and horrified and Oprah's viewership would have dropped by about sixty percent, because all of the other "real people" contributing to our country's abominable obesity figures would then have no one to complain to or relate to, and would shun her as smug and un-understanding, like all the other skinny bitches with lightning fast metabolisms.
But she didn't say that, and she didn't say anything that even hinted to that effect either, so the plight of the mother who can't seem to haul her ass out for a brisk walk or do push ups, lunges and a little body circuit before she showers (assuming that there really is NO time in the day to rearrange the urgent viewing the boob tube), will continue to be a mystery that only a miracle pill and a few thousand dollars a year can seemingly fix.
These "real people" will continue to blame their genes and the rest of the universe for the fact that they are full of shit (literally and figuratively) and will never bother to break a sweat for any real or helpful amount of time, because it's too much of a pain in the ass to take care of themselves, and it's so much easier to blame the world and pop ephedra.
Sometimes, I really loathe my gender.
I don't watch Oprah. While I think she has done some great and meaningful segments on her show over the years, I don't really relate to most of her demographic and I don't need her to tell me what to wear, eat, or read, because I can forage for those tidbits on my own. Being a rower and all, I also know what a healthy shit looks like, so I'm covered there as well.
As I paused however, there was a woman on a tv screen on Skype (about which I know very little), talking about how she "tried to lose the weight by eating right" and she "started to do the exercise" and then she "just didn't".
She just didn't.
Her next quote was about how she is a "real person".....you know, a "real mom, with kids and responsibilities" and she just can't seem to carve it out of her day to eat right or work out, because she doesn't have time to cook like that or exercise.
Load of shit much? Uh, yeah.
There is a huge gap, and therefore a lot of room for play, between the mother of 4 who is an Ironman finisher at 38 and manages a 3 hour workout six days a week, while managing a 50 hour work week, and the woman who feeds herself and her family healthful foods and squeezes in a 30-60 minute workout for health and sanity 4-5 days a week.
There is no real discernible difference between "I never lost the baby weight" and "I'm a lazy sack, who makes tons of excuses," outside of a serious, diagnosed medical issue, and even those include treatment programs that generally encourage strict diet guidelines. So going on Oprah on your web cam and talking about how you are a "real person" is nothing more than a line of crap.
Did she ever realize that in the time she sat, parked on her ass watching Oprah, she could have completed a sufficient workout AND packaged a weeks worth of healthy food and snacks for herself and her family to eat at home, work or school? But then she would have had to miss Oprah?! Quelle dommage!
Oprah sat interested on her little, yellow couch, doing her interested look with her head cocked, interestedly to the side and her hand on her chin. I wished with all my being, that her next comment had been:
"So what I'm hearing you say, is that you are actually not looking to actually do anything healthful to change your bodyweight and longevity, and that you are, in fact, enjoying sitting around bitching about being overweight and unfit."
The "real person" would then have been shocked and horrified and Oprah's viewership would have dropped by about sixty percent, because all of the other "real people" contributing to our country's abominable obesity figures would then have no one to complain to or relate to, and would shun her as smug and un-understanding, like all the other skinny bitches with lightning fast metabolisms.
But she didn't say that, and she didn't say anything that even hinted to that effect either, so the plight of the mother who can't seem to haul her ass out for a brisk walk or do push ups, lunges and a little body circuit before she showers (assuming that there really is NO time in the day to rearrange the urgent viewing the boob tube), will continue to be a mystery that only a miracle pill and a few thousand dollars a year can seemingly fix.
These "real people" will continue to blame their genes and the rest of the universe for the fact that they are full of shit (literally and figuratively) and will never bother to break a sweat for any real or helpful amount of time, because it's too much of a pain in the ass to take care of themselves, and it's so much easier to blame the world and pop ephedra.
Sometimes, I really loathe my gender.
25 October, 2008
dream
me and a group of "designers" are with heide klum and tim gunn at the whitehouse and we aresupposed to bring our whole wardrobe and htehn have a certain amount of money to go out nad fin dfurniture, etc to decorate a hoel room. so we go though the whole shopping phase and have limited choices and then all of a sudden, Jimmy Carter shows up nad he is the person with whom we are supsed to leave everything. we then do not get to decorate or style any of hte rooms, because that is former president carter/s job, so we then have to pick out a few items of clothinng to take hhome with us and jimmu carter will keep the rest. so tim gunn is now for some reason driving me home frmom all of this adn pulls up in a car at the beach, where all of my stuff is sitting. there are also two older ladies that i cant reember completely and someone in the shower. the old ladies go on and on about how stupid everyone is and they then tell me what things i absolutely cannot take home with me. tim gunn gets mad and says that all is retarded, so he decides to crack the bottle of wine that wi bought and se sit in chairs on teh beach drinking wine until it is tme to go, and then as we are driving away, we have to leave form het edge of a very long all adn pepople keep just standing nin the way of the car, including heide lum, and i call all of them idiots. then i wake up thinking i'm late for work, realized that it's saturday and now i'm going back to bed!
i have written all of this with my eyes closed and pretty much in my sleep, so i will edit it and make it all pretty when i wake up for real.
i have written all of this with my eyes closed and pretty much in my sleep, so i will edit it and make it all pretty when i wake up for real.
24 October, 2008
sleep!
I slept last night everyone!
I had a couple of phone conversations, brushed my teeth, and then I slept like a baby and it was glorious. I woke up this morning refreshed and a little confused, after having had a couple of bizarre dreams, one good and one terrible.
The good one was last though, so it left me in a happy mood this morning, thinking of sunshine and palm trees and birds and Snow White riding on the back of a llama with a sign that said "I heart Glenda the good witch".
Now I will ride triumphantly into the weekend where I will hopefully achieve a hat trick of good sleep nights and roll into the next week feeling like the champ that I am.
Yay slumber.
I had a couple of phone conversations, brushed my teeth, and then I slept like a baby and it was glorious. I woke up this morning refreshed and a little confused, after having had a couple of bizarre dreams, one good and one terrible.
The good one was last though, so it left me in a happy mood this morning, thinking of sunshine and palm trees and birds and Snow White riding on the back of a llama with a sign that said "I heart Glenda the good witch".
Now I will ride triumphantly into the weekend where I will hopefully achieve a hat trick of good sleep nights and roll into the next week feeling like the champ that I am.
Yay slumber.
22 October, 2008
elevated
I work in a nice building, in the financial district. It's a very nice building with a sick view, actually. They have put some thought into this building and into making it convenient for the occupants.
For example, the building is divided so that if you are on the first 22 floors, you take one set of elevator banks and if you are on the top 22 floors, you take another. This, presumably, is to keep everyone from wasting time getting to their office, and having to stop at 15 unnecessary floors along the way. Additionally, within each elevator bank, there are six, yes six elevators waiting to whisk tenants to their desks.
So why the fuck does everyone have to crowd into the same damn elevator every morning? This just makes me nuts. It's going to happen tomorrow morning, I know it. I know it because it happened this morning, and yesterday morning, and Friday morning, and so on.
Why is it that people feel that they have to run, flailing through the lobby, hurling themselves into the two inch crack in the closing door, and cram themselves in with one another, thus stalling the process for the occupants already in and ready to begin their ascent? Why is it that these idiots would rather force a few more stops on everyone, than wait the twenty or so seconds until another set of doors opens to reveal the cavernous expanse of a new, fresh, empty car? Why?
You already know my answer to that question, but I think the most baffling thing is that these are not inherently stupid people we are talking about here. I mean, they do exist in my building, but by and large, to lease a chunk of this real estate, your company has to be well funded and legit, thereby leading one to believe that to work for a well funded and legit company, each person must also be much higher on the legitimacy scale than say, the people waiting for the City Sights tour out on the corner on Whitehall St.
Also curious is why this makes my blood boil at such a tender hour of the day, but stupidity generally does that to me, no matter what the hour. One day though, my patience is going to run out and I'm going to be forced to demand an answer to this question. The only thing keeping me from doing it now, is that I already know the quizzical and vacant look I will receive in return.
See, what I know about stupidity is this; it doesn't even know it's stupid. It thinks it is in a hurry, or important, or logical and therefore won't get the joke or the irritation when called out.
And so I continue to seethe.
For example, the building is divided so that if you are on the first 22 floors, you take one set of elevator banks and if you are on the top 22 floors, you take another. This, presumably, is to keep everyone from wasting time getting to their office, and having to stop at 15 unnecessary floors along the way. Additionally, within each elevator bank, there are six, yes six elevators waiting to whisk tenants to their desks.
So why the fuck does everyone have to crowd into the same damn elevator every morning? This just makes me nuts. It's going to happen tomorrow morning, I know it. I know it because it happened this morning, and yesterday morning, and Friday morning, and so on.
Why is it that people feel that they have to run, flailing through the lobby, hurling themselves into the two inch crack in the closing door, and cram themselves in with one another, thus stalling the process for the occupants already in and ready to begin their ascent? Why is it that these idiots would rather force a few more stops on everyone, than wait the twenty or so seconds until another set of doors opens to reveal the cavernous expanse of a new, fresh, empty car? Why?
You already know my answer to that question, but I think the most baffling thing is that these are not inherently stupid people we are talking about here. I mean, they do exist in my building, but by and large, to lease a chunk of this real estate, your company has to be well funded and legit, thereby leading one to believe that to work for a well funded and legit company, each person must also be much higher on the legitimacy scale than say, the people waiting for the City Sights tour out on the corner on Whitehall St.
Also curious is why this makes my blood boil at such a tender hour of the day, but stupidity generally does that to me, no matter what the hour. One day though, my patience is going to run out and I'm going to be forced to demand an answer to this question. The only thing keeping me from doing it now, is that I already know the quizzical and vacant look I will receive in return.
See, what I know about stupidity is this; it doesn't even know it's stupid. It thinks it is in a hurry, or important, or logical and therefore won't get the joke or the irritation when called out.
And so I continue to seethe.
20 October, 2008
protest ronin
Just give them the sign and they will dutifully rant about anything!.....
I have a problem with the media being constantly labeled "the liberal media". It's just annoying and it's untrue. But whenever a news program, talk show or blithering idiot with a picket sign, says anything that borders on fringe talk, it or they are blasted as liberal. I hate to tell you people, but crazy is not confined to liberal folk. Crazy comes in both red and blue. Crazy is crazy.
I also take offense to the idea that having any sort of liberal tendencies is somehow a bad thing. Guess what? I happen to think that social programs are good. I think that poverty is something in which many people become stuck; people who show up to their low-paying jobs on time and work hard. People who either are born into poverty or come to our country seeking a better life for their families (which you will recall is the foundation of our country), who become stuck in the cycle of not having enough education to move up in society, living in places where you or I would never even drive through, having their children exposed to things from which they can't possibly protect them enough and having days, weeks, months and years pass, giving up slowly on accomplishing the goal of a new standing in life.
I also think that someone has to pay for these things, which is why we have taxes. Unlike some of the more conservative folk I know, I do not think that making promises and then plunging our country into insurmountable debt is a good idea. I think that the system as we know it is arcane and needs a major update to bring it into modern times. I do not however, think that offering large companies tax breaks is the way to go.
I would be remiss not to note that there are those, and they are many, who say they want something better, but don't actually want to have to do anything to get it. Liberals did not create those people and those are not the targets of social programs and favors. No matter who is running what, those people will stay there because they are comfortable and they don't care. That, however, does not mean that we should throw away the bushel for a few bad apples.
This however, leads into my greater point about the fray, who for some reason are always labeled liberal, but who come in equal parts on both sides and are just ridiculous, universally. Perhaps we could just call them all "emotional" and steer clear of the erroneous label.
These are the protesters that you see out near the bull in the financial district - calling for the imprisonment of any and all governmental officials; the ones you see in front of planned parenthood with pictures of aborted fetuses, snarling and shouting bible scripture as you walk in to pick up your free birth control, or to get a woman's annual exam (a fantastic benefit of the social programs for those without medical insurance).
Those folks abound in New York and when I walk past them in the middle of the day, on my way back into the office, where I have a job and work for 10 hours a day, I wonder to myself what the hell these people do for a living. Is there some sort of protester-for-hire day labor site, where you can drive by and hire a lunatic to rant about your cause? I can see the signs now....
"Are you pissed as hell, but lack the balls to tell others? Do you have an axe to grind AND a job? Well worry no more, friends. Protesters for hire will do your bitching for you; in tye-dye no less! Only $29.95 and a bag of reefer for a half day (protest materials included)."
I do wonder however, if these idea-mercenaries would be able to really embrace the idea; after all, it does smack of capitalism and salesmanship. Since I don't have the time or chutzpah to put this idea into practice, I rely on you, loyal readership. If you will just spread the word to the incensed, downtrodden and wronged, we can get this off the ground and have some go-to people when the inevitable crisis arises.
I have a problem with the media being constantly labeled "the liberal media". It's just annoying and it's untrue. But whenever a news program, talk show or blithering idiot with a picket sign, says anything that borders on fringe talk, it or they are blasted as liberal. I hate to tell you people, but crazy is not confined to liberal folk. Crazy comes in both red and blue. Crazy is crazy.
I also take offense to the idea that having any sort of liberal tendencies is somehow a bad thing. Guess what? I happen to think that social programs are good. I think that poverty is something in which many people become stuck; people who show up to their low-paying jobs on time and work hard. People who either are born into poverty or come to our country seeking a better life for their families (which you will recall is the foundation of our country), who become stuck in the cycle of not having enough education to move up in society, living in places where you or I would never even drive through, having their children exposed to things from which they can't possibly protect them enough and having days, weeks, months and years pass, giving up slowly on accomplishing the goal of a new standing in life.
I also think that someone has to pay for these things, which is why we have taxes. Unlike some of the more conservative folk I know, I do not think that making promises and then plunging our country into insurmountable debt is a good idea. I think that the system as we know it is arcane and needs a major update to bring it into modern times. I do not however, think that offering large companies tax breaks is the way to go.
I would be remiss not to note that there are those, and they are many, who say they want something better, but don't actually want to have to do anything to get it. Liberals did not create those people and those are not the targets of social programs and favors. No matter who is running what, those people will stay there because they are comfortable and they don't care. That, however, does not mean that we should throw away the bushel for a few bad apples.
This however, leads into my greater point about the fray, who for some reason are always labeled liberal, but who come in equal parts on both sides and are just ridiculous, universally. Perhaps we could just call them all "emotional" and steer clear of the erroneous label.
These are the protesters that you see out near the bull in the financial district - calling for the imprisonment of any and all governmental officials; the ones you see in front of planned parenthood with pictures of aborted fetuses, snarling and shouting bible scripture as you walk in to pick up your free birth control, or to get a woman's annual exam (a fantastic benefit of the social programs for those without medical insurance).
Those folks abound in New York and when I walk past them in the middle of the day, on my way back into the office, where I have a job and work for 10 hours a day, I wonder to myself what the hell these people do for a living. Is there some sort of protester-for-hire day labor site, where you can drive by and hire a lunatic to rant about your cause? I can see the signs now....
"Are you pissed as hell, but lack the balls to tell others? Do you have an axe to grind AND a job? Well worry no more, friends. Protesters for hire will do your bitching for you; in tye-dye no less! Only $29.95 and a bag of reefer for a half day (protest materials included)."
I do wonder however, if these idea-mercenaries would be able to really embrace the idea; after all, it does smack of capitalism and salesmanship. Since I don't have the time or chutzpah to put this idea into practice, I rely on you, loyal readership. If you will just spread the word to the incensed, downtrodden and wronged, we can get this off the ground and have some go-to people when the inevitable crisis arises.
18 October, 2008
so good.
I must admit that I ripped this off, but I wish I could keep it with me at all times for prompt use about 481 times a day.
17 October, 2008
uh....
Strange things are happening.
The Red Sox won last night. While I am happy about this (even though I couldn't give a squirt of piss about baseball), I am surprised and amazed at the quality of comeback excitement this team can generate. Kinda makes me wonder why they don't just play hard in the first place.
I had a dream from which I have just awakened where I was in the neighborhood I grew up in, but the house I was at belonged to a good friend I know from college. I was there for Christmas and was asked to go and re-park the horse. Yes, the horse. I had to take the horse out of the driveway, turn it around, then pull it up onto the lawn and tie it to the branch of a tree, which was the same tree that was in my front yard for all of my youth. The horse then laid down and gave me sad eyes.
My neighbor, a couple blocks over, has a Serengeti-esque display of plastic animals attacking each other in the planter box in front of his house. It is complete with flailing zebras being harpooned by the incisors of tigers and has fake, painted on blood to boot. One of these days, I will take a photo when I walk by, so you can see the grandeur for yourselves.
One can purchase McCain and Obama temporary tattoos. As if we needed another campaign tool. Not only can you vote with coffee cups, but you can actually paste the name of your chosen candidate on your body. This is horrifying to me. No stranger should be important enough to affix to your skin. When i see someone with this, I will flog them.
The lady at the laundromat seems to think that I'm out to get her. She stares at me with this horrified expression when I come in. I think it's just because she has never seen a giant woman before, who is at the same time, so strikingly beautiful and personable. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, small, round, Russian woman. I don't hurt. I only use my powers for good.
It's all very surreal, especially at 3:36 in the morning. Lucky I'm too lazy to even remove my computer from my bed when I find the tired setting in.
The Red Sox won last night. While I am happy about this (even though I couldn't give a squirt of piss about baseball), I am surprised and amazed at the quality of comeback excitement this team can generate. Kinda makes me wonder why they don't just play hard in the first place.
I had a dream from which I have just awakened where I was in the neighborhood I grew up in, but the house I was at belonged to a good friend I know from college. I was there for Christmas and was asked to go and re-park the horse. Yes, the horse. I had to take the horse out of the driveway, turn it around, then pull it up onto the lawn and tie it to the branch of a tree, which was the same tree that was in my front yard for all of my youth. The horse then laid down and gave me sad eyes.
My neighbor, a couple blocks over, has a Serengeti-esque display of plastic animals attacking each other in the planter box in front of his house. It is complete with flailing zebras being harpooned by the incisors of tigers and has fake, painted on blood to boot. One of these days, I will take a photo when I walk by, so you can see the grandeur for yourselves.
One can purchase McCain and Obama temporary tattoos. As if we needed another campaign tool. Not only can you vote with coffee cups, but you can actually paste the name of your chosen candidate on your body. This is horrifying to me. No stranger should be important enough to affix to your skin. When i see someone with this, I will flog them.
The lady at the laundromat seems to think that I'm out to get her. She stares at me with this horrified expression when I come in. I think it's just because she has never seen a giant woman before, who is at the same time, so strikingly beautiful and personable. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, small, round, Russian woman. I don't hurt. I only use my powers for good.
It's all very surreal, especially at 3:36 in the morning. Lucky I'm too lazy to even remove my computer from my bed when I find the tired setting in.
14 October, 2008
soggy matter
My brain was big enough already. You know, you can study and study and study all you want, but I'm telling you, the booze is some sweet sauce and ain't nobody gonna quit drankin just because some scientists say it's no good for da brain.
And that's all I have to say about that. Time for bed so I can continue my healthy lifestyle, which allows me to occasionally binge drink and allows me to enjoy the delicious Bordeaux I love with fancy dinner. Yum, yum, yum.
Shrink away, I say. This is some profound stuff we are spending our research dollars on, especially considering that the professor who has obtained said research grant may very well be a brandy-soaked academic.
And that's all I have to say about that. Time for bed so I can continue my healthy lifestyle, which allows me to occasionally binge drink and allows me to enjoy the delicious Bordeaux I love with fancy dinner. Yum, yum, yum.
Shrink away, I say. This is some profound stuff we are spending our research dollars on, especially considering that the professor who has obtained said research grant may very well be a brandy-soaked academic.
09 October, 2008
a dilemma
I was in a relationship many years ago, and the man I was involved with didn't treat me well. Big shock. I don't know a soul alive who hasn't been there. He was an okay person, but a terrible boyfriend; inconsiderate, sneaky, and ultimately obnoxious. I felt so betrayed because in the beginning, he was sweet, sincere and so much fun. It's the story of any road to the end of a short and interesting, but ultimately damaging affair. I note this only as evidence that I am qualified to at least comment on the situation below.
I bounced back from my bad relationship. It didn't sink me and since then, I have trusted other people, loved other people and been just fine. So too, will my friend, eventually. My friend is currently in a relationship with a good person, who just shouldn't be with anyone. Here's the list of good and then I'll present the list of bad and you can all weigh in with me, because as of yet, I have refrained from advising. I find it to be somewhat of a conflict and now that I have a better idea of the story, I understand why she is so confused.
He is amazingly intelligent. Have a conversation with this man and you will get a series of well thought out answers on just about any subject. I have a great deal of respect for the informed opinion, even if I don't agree with it and this is what he provides.
They have a great mental connection. It is plainly obvious when around them, that they truly connect and love each other intellectually. They have long, in depth conversations on any variety of topics and seek the counsel of one another regularly, due to a true and deep respect and admiration for each other. She tells me that even in times of stress between them, the thought of not speaking to each other everyday is unacceptable to either of them. Their respect is deep and soulful.
They laugh. A lot. They both have wacky senses of humor and they get each other. I'm sure that in their quiet moments together, they are silly and fun and laugh constantly at themselves, each other and the world around them. They take enjoyment in the little things of whatever they are doing and her favorite times with him, she has said, are the times just spent walking and exploring the world together.
They have tons in common. As a match up of extending goals and life plans, they are an extremely fit pair. I can easily imagine myself toasting them at their wedding and attending their kids graduations, because they both have a sense of family and the desire to create a great life.
Sounds perfect doesn't it? Well, here is the bad. I hate, as anyone does, to even mention it, but this is where she gets confused and where I lack the ability to just casually dole out any advice. This one takes some serious thinking.
He's secretive. He started out being very open with his time and his life, yet over time, he has become more closed and secretive from. Examples range from going days or even a week without seeing each other (after about 18 months or so), to him blocking her on various communication mediums for seemingly no reason whatsoever. He created a facebook account and then didn't add her as a friend, after they had been dating for a year. Odd. At one time he would regularly communicate with her during work hours via instant messenger and then suddenly began to use other "secret" screen names or just block her altogether.
He keeps his computer and phone under lock and key, Beyond the normal realm of privacy, as if she were to find something sordid and inappropriate. I was there when she questioned this about him and he became angry when she wondered why he does this. She is not much of a detective and it was not always this way with him. In increasing doses, it becomes particularly bothersome and odd, because "the man who has nothing to hide, hides nothing", non?
He's distant. He will go for days without having an actual conversation with her, telling her one day that he can't wait to get married and the next that he is simply way too busy to see her more than once a week, or talk to her about any other subject than what he chooses in the moment. He interrupts nearly every phone call they have, to take whatever call is coming next, or to walk in the house, an activity not normally so perilous that one needs extra focus. In observing them at her home, he becomes reclusive almost and seems to itch to get out and away from other people; choosing instead to retreat to his car so he can, presumably, go sit in front of his computer (and become more secretive).
He's physically distant. They don't have sex. This boggles my mind. My friend is a sexy, smart, athletic catch of a woman, who I have known by her own tales of amorous activity, to be adventurous and fun; the kind of girl that men look for. He does not strike me as any kind of cheater, though you will note by several of the items in the "not good" column, that his behavior leaves definite room for question.
Everyone knows that by the time that your friend tells you that she is not getting laid by her boyfriend, that things have been bad for a long time. No impulses is his excuse, which to me, is utterly dumpworthy material, and but for the above mentioned and very strong "good" column of items, I would tell her to drop his ass right away. If there is any chance for him, this one has to get fixed right away though, in my humble opinion. I couldn't live without hot sex; not when I was young enough and limber enough to enjoy it all (several times a day). Whatever the hang up is there, seek assistance immediately, because that problem just costs everyone.
His eyes wander. This one gets to me personally and I want to slap him every time I see it. They will be walking and he will be holding her hand (which I think is definitely up there in the good section and is cute as well), and with every moderately to very attractive woman who passes, his head is on the swivel, or at least his eyes are. I have followed his glance when she is not looking; watching him give every woman the up and down stare and even turning to take a second look, all while never letting go of her hand. It's disgusting how little self control that shows and given the secrecy and the aforementioned lack of fornication, definitely opens the mind up to doubt.
He is unbending. Some would call this selfishness, though he is not reputed to be selfish in every situation. I did think him to be an only child for a while though and found it strange that he actually has several siblings. Given his obstinance and seeming lack of interest in anything going on outside himself, I now understand why they are not out with friends more often - he probably doesn't want to do what he didn't think up or is not completely enthralled by. This even extends into music in her own apartment. While cooking dinner one night, he threw a tantrum about the fact that there was music playing, saying it reminded him too much of work. To me, a house without music may as well be a cemetery.
I need not go on. The good being as wonderful as it is, used to temper the bad for her, but at this point in time, she has come to me confused and sad, unable to decide what the next step is for the two of them.
Truth is, I don't know and can't tell her. I believe that things in relationships generally work out the way they are supposed to, discounting sabotage, which is not at all present in this case. She loves him genuinely and deeply and I have always thought he felt the same way, but at this juncture, sadly, the only advice I can give is, take care of yourself, my dear.
Take the lessons from this and know that if it is meant to be, he will bring up his end of things and make the changes that need to be made. We all know that the fundamentals of people rarely change, so let that be your guide and go and get the life you deserve. Love will not find you until you find it in yourself.
I don't care how zen and cheesy that comes across, it's the truth and it's what we all to often ignore. Now that I think of it, I have some processing to do.
I bounced back from my bad relationship. It didn't sink me and since then, I have trusted other people, loved other people and been just fine. So too, will my friend, eventually. My friend is currently in a relationship with a good person, who just shouldn't be with anyone. Here's the list of good and then I'll present the list of bad and you can all weigh in with me, because as of yet, I have refrained from advising. I find it to be somewhat of a conflict and now that I have a better idea of the story, I understand why she is so confused.
He is amazingly intelligent. Have a conversation with this man and you will get a series of well thought out answers on just about any subject. I have a great deal of respect for the informed opinion, even if I don't agree with it and this is what he provides.
They have a great mental connection. It is plainly obvious when around them, that they truly connect and love each other intellectually. They have long, in depth conversations on any variety of topics and seek the counsel of one another regularly, due to a true and deep respect and admiration for each other. She tells me that even in times of stress between them, the thought of not speaking to each other everyday is unacceptable to either of them. Their respect is deep and soulful.
They laugh. A lot. They both have wacky senses of humor and they get each other. I'm sure that in their quiet moments together, they are silly and fun and laugh constantly at themselves, each other and the world around them. They take enjoyment in the little things of whatever they are doing and her favorite times with him, she has said, are the times just spent walking and exploring the world together.
They have tons in common. As a match up of extending goals and life plans, they are an extremely fit pair. I can easily imagine myself toasting them at their wedding and attending their kids graduations, because they both have a sense of family and the desire to create a great life.
Sounds perfect doesn't it? Well, here is the bad. I hate, as anyone does, to even mention it, but this is where she gets confused and where I lack the ability to just casually dole out any advice. This one takes some serious thinking.
He's secretive. He started out being very open with his time and his life, yet over time, he has become more closed and secretive from. Examples range from going days or even a week without seeing each other (after about 18 months or so), to him blocking her on various communication mediums for seemingly no reason whatsoever. He created a facebook account and then didn't add her as a friend, after they had been dating for a year. Odd. At one time he would regularly communicate with her during work hours via instant messenger and then suddenly began to use other "secret" screen names or just block her altogether.
He keeps his computer and phone under lock and key, Beyond the normal realm of privacy, as if she were to find something sordid and inappropriate. I was there when she questioned this about him and he became angry when she wondered why he does this. She is not much of a detective and it was not always this way with him. In increasing doses, it becomes particularly bothersome and odd, because "the man who has nothing to hide, hides nothing", non?
He's distant. He will go for days without having an actual conversation with her, telling her one day that he can't wait to get married and the next that he is simply way too busy to see her more than once a week, or talk to her about any other subject than what he chooses in the moment. He interrupts nearly every phone call they have, to take whatever call is coming next, or to walk in the house, an activity not normally so perilous that one needs extra focus. In observing them at her home, he becomes reclusive almost and seems to itch to get out and away from other people; choosing instead to retreat to his car so he can, presumably, go sit in front of his computer (and become more secretive).
He's physically distant. They don't have sex. This boggles my mind. My friend is a sexy, smart, athletic catch of a woman, who I have known by her own tales of amorous activity, to be adventurous and fun; the kind of girl that men look for. He does not strike me as any kind of cheater, though you will note by several of the items in the "not good" column, that his behavior leaves definite room for question.
Everyone knows that by the time that your friend tells you that she is not getting laid by her boyfriend, that things have been bad for a long time. No impulses is his excuse, which to me, is utterly dumpworthy material, and but for the above mentioned and very strong "good" column of items, I would tell her to drop his ass right away. If there is any chance for him, this one has to get fixed right away though, in my humble opinion. I couldn't live without hot sex; not when I was young enough and limber enough to enjoy it all (several times a day). Whatever the hang up is there, seek assistance immediately, because that problem just costs everyone.
His eyes wander. This one gets to me personally and I want to slap him every time I see it. They will be walking and he will be holding her hand (which I think is definitely up there in the good section and is cute as well), and with every moderately to very attractive woman who passes, his head is on the swivel, or at least his eyes are. I have followed his glance when she is not looking; watching him give every woman the up and down stare and even turning to take a second look, all while never letting go of her hand. It's disgusting how little self control that shows and given the secrecy and the aforementioned lack of fornication, definitely opens the mind up to doubt.
He is unbending. Some would call this selfishness, though he is not reputed to be selfish in every situation. I did think him to be an only child for a while though and found it strange that he actually has several siblings. Given his obstinance and seeming lack of interest in anything going on outside himself, I now understand why they are not out with friends more often - he probably doesn't want to do what he didn't think up or is not completely enthralled by. This even extends into music in her own apartment. While cooking dinner one night, he threw a tantrum about the fact that there was music playing, saying it reminded him too much of work. To me, a house without music may as well be a cemetery.
I need not go on. The good being as wonderful as it is, used to temper the bad for her, but at this point in time, she has come to me confused and sad, unable to decide what the next step is for the two of them.
Truth is, I don't know and can't tell her. I believe that things in relationships generally work out the way they are supposed to, discounting sabotage, which is not at all present in this case. She loves him genuinely and deeply and I have always thought he felt the same way, but at this juncture, sadly, the only advice I can give is, take care of yourself, my dear.
Take the lessons from this and know that if it is meant to be, he will bring up his end of things and make the changes that need to be made. We all know that the fundamentals of people rarely change, so let that be your guide and go and get the life you deserve. Love will not find you until you find it in yourself.
I don't care how zen and cheesy that comes across, it's the truth and it's what we all to often ignore. Now that I think of it, I have some processing to do.
08 October, 2008
don't sit
I ride the subway every day, at least twice. I have the same route to work everyday, and generally the same route home. Occasionally, as is quite rare, I even see the same people on the train. I am one of millions who go through their routines day in and day out and just want to get from a to b in peace.
So then, what the hell is with people and being utter assholes on public transportation? It's just egregious and unacceptable how people seem to abandon all sense of manners and decency when riding the subway, bus, train, plane or any other form of transport. Ask any one person on any given day of any given week, month or year and he or she can provide at least a handful of unsavory experiences that happened either directly to them or in the immediate vicinity.
A story.
So there I was, sleepy and quiet, making my way onto a rush hour train the other day. I had my swim bag with me, which sticks out a bit in the back, but is not very wide. A rule of thumb, to which I strictly adhere is to never let my bag jut out or even touch another person, if I can help it. Therefore, when I went to sit in the center seat between two non-obese passengers, I had already taken my bag off and held it closely in front of me, so that nary a strap or piece of burlap was outside the lines of my person.
Normally, I would not even bother to sit if there weren't 2 open seats in a row, so I would be unencumbered by the being of another person, invading my space. But with the handicap of the boot and my plagued metatarsal, at this point in time, I prefer to sit. I sort of have no choice, if I ever want to shed this clumpy foot casing.
Having found the only open seat, I lowered myself into it carefully, using one hand to hold the bar over my head, so as not to come crashing down, due to the uh.....lack of delicacy, my fashionable plastic boot affords. And sit I did. Not touching either of my seatmates, and ready to enjoy my ride - as much as can be done when riding the silver worm. I had just settled in, when out of the corner of my eye, I noted the man to my right shaking his head and mumbling in scorn. I let it go.
Then the next stop came and he continued; looking in my direction, mumbling, shaking his head vigorously and then repeating. It started to get irritating, so I took him in. He was dressed in all white, albeit in different shades, with no one piece of clothing the same actual color of any other. He had pasty skin and had not shaved that morning, the black pepper of his scruff piercing his pallid face abrasively. He had a book, and I remember wishing he would just stick his nose in it and shut the fuck up, but I was not to be so lucky.
As he continued on his muted tirade, I became annoyed, because he distracted me from simply sitting there reading or doing nothing, which is my greatest wish every morning. After a long enough time and several more bouts of head shaking and audible dissatisfaction, I turned and asked him.
"Is there a problem?"
He continued to mumble inaudibly, though more angrily and shifted his eyes downward as he carried on.
"Look," I said "if you're going to bitch at me, at least face me."
"If you can't fit, you don't sit." He said. Clever. I'll think of that next time it's actually applicable.
"I am not touching any part of you, nor is my bag."
"If you can't fit, you don't sit!" He repeated more emphatically, causing me to take a second guess about his mental wherewithal. He continued to mumble.
"All right," I said. "This is ridiculous. I am not touching you and I just want to get to work, so zip it. " And yes, I did say zip it.
He looked at me threateningly so I continued.
"I have a broken foot and can't stand the entire way. If you felt there would not be enough room for us both, you could have been a gentleman and given up your seat, but I didn't see you do that, now did I."
That shut him up. Assholes.
So then, what the hell is with people and being utter assholes on public transportation? It's just egregious and unacceptable how people seem to abandon all sense of manners and decency when riding the subway, bus, train, plane or any other form of transport. Ask any one person on any given day of any given week, month or year and he or she can provide at least a handful of unsavory experiences that happened either directly to them or in the immediate vicinity.
A story.
So there I was, sleepy and quiet, making my way onto a rush hour train the other day. I had my swim bag with me, which sticks out a bit in the back, but is not very wide. A rule of thumb, to which I strictly adhere is to never let my bag jut out or even touch another person, if I can help it. Therefore, when I went to sit in the center seat between two non-obese passengers, I had already taken my bag off and held it closely in front of me, so that nary a strap or piece of burlap was outside the lines of my person.
Normally, I would not even bother to sit if there weren't 2 open seats in a row, so I would be unencumbered by the being of another person, invading my space. But with the handicap of the boot and my plagued metatarsal, at this point in time, I prefer to sit. I sort of have no choice, if I ever want to shed this clumpy foot casing.
Having found the only open seat, I lowered myself into it carefully, using one hand to hold the bar over my head, so as not to come crashing down, due to the uh.....lack of delicacy, my fashionable plastic boot affords. And sit I did. Not touching either of my seatmates, and ready to enjoy my ride - as much as can be done when riding the silver worm. I had just settled in, when out of the corner of my eye, I noted the man to my right shaking his head and mumbling in scorn. I let it go.
Then the next stop came and he continued; looking in my direction, mumbling, shaking his head vigorously and then repeating. It started to get irritating, so I took him in. He was dressed in all white, albeit in different shades, with no one piece of clothing the same actual color of any other. He had pasty skin and had not shaved that morning, the black pepper of his scruff piercing his pallid face abrasively. He had a book, and I remember wishing he would just stick his nose in it and shut the fuck up, but I was not to be so lucky.
As he continued on his muted tirade, I became annoyed, because he distracted me from simply sitting there reading or doing nothing, which is my greatest wish every morning. After a long enough time and several more bouts of head shaking and audible dissatisfaction, I turned and asked him.
"Is there a problem?"
He continued to mumble inaudibly, though more angrily and shifted his eyes downward as he carried on.
"Look," I said "if you're going to bitch at me, at least face me."
"If you can't fit, you don't sit." He said. Clever. I'll think of that next time it's actually applicable.
"I am not touching any part of you, nor is my bag."
"If you can't fit, you don't sit!" He repeated more emphatically, causing me to take a second guess about his mental wherewithal. He continued to mumble.
"All right," I said. "This is ridiculous. I am not touching you and I just want to get to work, so zip it. " And yes, I did say zip it.
He looked at me threateningly so I continued.
"I have a broken foot and can't stand the entire way. If you felt there would not be enough room for us both, you could have been a gentleman and given up your seat, but I didn't see you do that, now did I."
That shut him up. Assholes.
07 October, 2008
sad environs
Yes, it's all in vogue to talk about "green" these days. But did you know that one in four mammals is in danger of extinction? We have lost so much already, how much further does it need to go so everyone can own an Escalade and big business can have its smokestacks and oversized profits, too?
If you can't see the polar ice caps melting, then it's not happening, right? No big deal that there are no more snow days in rapidly growing portions of the northeast. What are a few one hundred degree days in southern California anyway? It's technically desert, right?
I have an idea, let's spend the next ten years drilling, so that we can waste a lot of time and money on futility. Ignoring the problem is so much more effective and letting it all waste away until it's all irreparably damaged is so much easier. And we all know that as long as it's kinda easy now, we can just shove it all away to another day and it might magically repair itself. Yeah, let's bank on that; totally gonna work.
If you can't see the polar ice caps melting, then it's not happening, right? No big deal that there are no more snow days in rapidly growing portions of the northeast. What are a few one hundred degree days in southern California anyway? It's technically desert, right?
I have an idea, let's spend the next ten years drilling, so that we can waste a lot of time and money on futility. Ignoring the problem is so much more effective and letting it all waste away until it's all irreparably damaged is so much easier. And we all know that as long as it's kinda easy now, we can just shove it all away to another day and it might magically repair itself. Yeah, let's bank on that; totally gonna work.
03 October, 2008
synopsis
Here is what I thought about the debates last night.
Joe Biden should have taken his teeth out of the glass and used them on Sarah Palin; lord knows she gave him enough opportunity.
Sarah Palin did not completely tank and embarrass herself like she did with Katie Couric, so I think she can declare a personal victory. I'm still not sure though, that she knows anything at all about her running mate, other than that at one time in his life, he was in a cell in a communist country and wants to put the government "back on the side of the people", whatever that means.
In my opinion, Biden distanced himself from her as someone not hiding behind rhetoric, who can admit fallibility and over-zeal, but who has a distinct direction in which he wants to go.
It was a tie until about 2/3 of the way through, and then Biden got tired of playing footsie and started actually nailing down some points and Palin ran out of steam and sound bytes and just started to sound like some talking head from Minnesota, doncha know.
32 days and counting.
Joe Biden should have taken his teeth out of the glass and used them on Sarah Palin; lord knows she gave him enough opportunity.
Sarah Palin did not completely tank and embarrass herself like she did with Katie Couric, so I think she can declare a personal victory. I'm still not sure though, that she knows anything at all about her running mate, other than that at one time in his life, he was in a cell in a communist country and wants to put the government "back on the side of the people", whatever that means.
In my opinion, Biden distanced himself from her as someone not hiding behind rhetoric, who can admit fallibility and over-zeal, but who has a distinct direction in which he wants to go.
It was a tie until about 2/3 of the way through, and then Biden got tired of playing footsie and started actually nailing down some points and Palin ran out of steam and sound bytes and just started to sound like some talking head from Minnesota, doncha know.
32 days and counting.
01 October, 2008
touchy
Ever feel like you always say the wrong thing when broaching a somewhat sensitive situation?
Feel guilty for wanting what you want, when it is seemingly good for everyone, but somehow comes out sounding like criticism?
I have trouble imagining the rest of my life with some things remaining as they are, but an equally hard time imaging it without a particular XY chromosome combination.
Why am I brooding right now and not tangled up in legs and arms? Seems I have gone wrong somewhere.....and all I'd really like is to right the ship and fornicate the calories right out of my system.
Is that too much to ask?
Feel guilty for wanting what you want, when it is seemingly good for everyone, but somehow comes out sounding like criticism?
I have trouble imagining the rest of my life with some things remaining as they are, but an equally hard time imaging it without a particular XY chromosome combination.
Why am I brooding right now and not tangled up in legs and arms? Seems I have gone wrong somewhere.....and all I'd really like is to right the ship and fornicate the calories right out of my system.
Is that too much to ask?
30 September, 2008
gonzo
What does one do when something just isn't there at all or was and has gone, but getting out of the now seemingly empty situation would be damaging to a person or persons involved?
It's not like anyone can just up and say "I'm not into this" in certain situations, especially when parts of an ongoing interaction are indeed quite pleasant.
It becomes a quandary, due to one party being seemingly or purposely oblivious to a lack of magnetism and the presence of dull predictability, while the other party agonizes over why it can't or won't change, when the magnetism clearly belongs as a major part of said ongoing interaction.
So friends, what is the answer to this riddle of developing disinterest? Inquiring minds want to know.
It's not like anyone can just up and say "I'm not into this" in certain situations, especially when parts of an ongoing interaction are indeed quite pleasant.
It becomes a quandary, due to one party being seemingly or purposely oblivious to a lack of magnetism and the presence of dull predictability, while the other party agonizes over why it can't or won't change, when the magnetism clearly belongs as a major part of said ongoing interaction.
So friends, what is the answer to this riddle of developing disinterest? Inquiring minds want to know.
das boot
It's been about six weeks now. Six weeks since I strapped on this effing boot for the first time and hobbled out into pedestrian traffic. At the time, it seemed like an inconvenience, but one well worth the while, because it would surely erase the breaks and tears and stabilize my tattered foot and leg.
It became its own mini-phenomenon. The boot had suddenly legitimized me as a totally hardcore athlete among total strangers. I wouldn't have to wear a huge, plastic, strappy boot if I hadn't been base jumping or playing extreme hacky sack or something outrageous that mere mortals would never dare attempt.
I accepted the boot into my world and have worn it for most all of my waking hours for upwards of 56 days now and this is how I'm repaid for my diligence in following my treatment regimen; my entire right leg is like a fucking columbo log. That's right, swollen like it's been the victim of a tourniquet tie-off.
As I sit now, I can deal, because it's 2:41 am and I have already been lying in somewhat restful slumber for a while, and my leg is elevated. During the daylight hours however, I am sitting up, my leg slowly filling up with....whatever stuff fills it up right now, the pressure threatening to tear open my poor little ankle and let the stuff run all over the carpet. To boot (no pun intended), the actual slow hobble to the bathroom, pantry or printer, now involves a significant amount of discomfort and /or pain. This is awesome.
The boot supposedly only has a couple of weeks left in it's foot-supporting tenure, but I'm not entirely sure that the healing has been done. In fact, I'm starting to be of the opinion that after that it will be more hobbling around on running shoes I cannot run in, and wiping the copious amounts of coupling gel from my ultra-sounded foot every night for many moons to come.
The novelty of the boot has seemingly worn off as well, for no more strapping men are holding doors for me or ushering me to safety, no more relinquishing of the subway seats and no more well-wishes are coming my way. Then again, maybe the expanding size of my ass has turned the focus to pity for that region instead.
If all the "fun" is going out of the process, I'd really just like to get this damn thing off and go for a run already.
It became its own mini-phenomenon. The boot had suddenly legitimized me as a totally hardcore athlete among total strangers. I wouldn't have to wear a huge, plastic, strappy boot if I hadn't been base jumping or playing extreme hacky sack or something outrageous that mere mortals would never dare attempt.
I accepted the boot into my world and have worn it for most all of my waking hours for upwards of 56 days now and this is how I'm repaid for my diligence in following my treatment regimen; my entire right leg is like a fucking columbo log. That's right, swollen like it's been the victim of a tourniquet tie-off.
As I sit now, I can deal, because it's 2:41 am and I have already been lying in somewhat restful slumber for a while, and my leg is elevated. During the daylight hours however, I am sitting up, my leg slowly filling up with....whatever stuff fills it up right now, the pressure threatening to tear open my poor little ankle and let the stuff run all over the carpet. To boot (no pun intended), the actual slow hobble to the bathroom, pantry or printer, now involves a significant amount of discomfort and /or pain. This is awesome.
The boot supposedly only has a couple of weeks left in it's foot-supporting tenure, but I'm not entirely sure that the healing has been done. In fact, I'm starting to be of the opinion that after that it will be more hobbling around on running shoes I cannot run in, and wiping the copious amounts of coupling gel from my ultra-sounded foot every night for many moons to come.
The novelty of the boot has seemingly worn off as well, for no more strapping men are holding doors for me or ushering me to safety, no more relinquishing of the subway seats and no more well-wishes are coming my way. Then again, maybe the expanding size of my ass has turned the focus to pity for that region instead.
If all the "fun" is going out of the process, I'd really just like to get this damn thing off and go for a run already.
29 September, 2008
stupett
That's how it comes out sounding when a friend of mine says the word stupid.
Did you know that it costs us $10 BILLION dollars A MONTH for this ridiculous war in Iraq? That's not counting Afghanistan.
Several people have said that we are "winning". Winning what? Who, exactly is winning? The taxpayers of the US? Uh....no.....
O, then the citizens of Iraq must be winning, right? Uh....no again.
It must be then, that the soldiers and the military personnel are going gangbusters with excitement over how they are winning. Hmm....wrong again.
Do you really think, mister and missus politicker, that just because you use the words "win" and "victory", that you will somehow fleece us all again? I mean, there were those who fell for it the first time, the fewer who fell for it in some subsequent times, and the rest of us who saw it all as the bullshit that it was right from the get.
The jig is up. This war and everything that has come with it, is a bunch of bullshit and a quagmire.
The truth? It's all stupid and we all lose. Yay to the Bush's though, those guys know how to spend a dollar.
Did you know that it costs us $10 BILLION dollars A MONTH for this ridiculous war in Iraq? That's not counting Afghanistan.
Several people have said that we are "winning". Winning what? Who, exactly is winning? The taxpayers of the US? Uh....no.....
O, then the citizens of Iraq must be winning, right? Uh....no again.
It must be then, that the soldiers and the military personnel are going gangbusters with excitement over how they are winning. Hmm....wrong again.
Do you really think, mister and missus politicker, that just because you use the words "win" and "victory", that you will somehow fleece us all again? I mean, there were those who fell for it the first time, the fewer who fell for it in some subsequent times, and the rest of us who saw it all as the bullshit that it was right from the get.
The jig is up. This war and everything that has come with it, is a bunch of bullshit and a quagmire.
The truth? It's all stupid and we all lose. Yay to the Bush's though, those guys know how to spend a dollar.
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