squeak

My knee is tight and it's annoying.

I know it's my IT or iliotibial band that is pulling from my hips and tugging at my knee and I know it's doing this because I decided - with three months to train from scratch - to run a marathon. I do this sort of thing so I can unstick myself from things that hold me back, or try to anyway. I take on a huge challenge that may require bites bigger than I'm comfortable with, because for some reason I like being scared shitless of what I'm undertaking and then conquering. That feeling of fear and the possibility of failure is a little bit addicting, I think. But I'm nuts like that, so there's that.

Unsticking one thing affects everything though, and it's pretty amazing how other areas of your life and even the lives of your friends start to change when a flow resumes and there is no more albatross around your neck. And conversely, sometimes a change in someone else's life will kick a cog in your wheels just enough to squeak it forward and show you that change is around the corner for you, too. And once the wheels start turning again, look out.

It's so curious how much better one can feel in such a short period of time. The air changes and suddenly it's a little more interesting to breathe; like you're taking it into your lungs, but there's more oxygen in the air, which makes you a little heady. Kind of like how it feels when you meet someone who sort of blows you away, but multiplied for several areas of your life. The most exhilarating of the natural highs.

And all it takes is throwing yourself headlong into something where you could fail....but you wont, because failing after you jump in headfirst is even scarier than jumping in head first.