the wedding planner

"Oh, I know....I just can't seem to narrow in on a dress. I know....it's like a full time job picking some of this stuff out; it's just crazy! Oh thank you, I know, when he gave it to me I almost fainted, it was soooooooo beautiful......."

This goes on for hours -- no, daaaayyyysss. The perky, little laugh coming out of such an innocent, little creature who has finally snagged her dream of getting engaged so she can get married and start havin' babies. You think I'm poking fun, but I'm not. Okay, that's a lie, I am poking fun, but what I'm not doing is exaggerating. The lovely woman in question became engaged about a month or so ago and ever since, it's been a nauseating display of ring-flashing, dress choosing, cake crises and a streaming, inbound phone marathon from relatives and friends, all anxious to hear the story.

I've heard about it in the pantry, while making lunch. In the bathroom while washing my hands, in the aisles of multiple different areas of my company and I've heard about it while sitting in my cube, trying desperately to get excited about data.

I'm going to call attention to what this obviously sounds like and dispel any misunderstandings. I am not irritated over the fact that she became engaged. I do not begrudge this woman her "perfect day" or her happiness. In fact, I think it's fantastic that there is love in the world and that she and her beau want to share it with each other. I wish her nothing but fine silk and perfectly moist cakes and a beautiful first dance. I wish her large houses and designer SUV's and Tiffany baby rattles. I really do. But I don't wish to hear about them all day at work at an elevated volume.

See, there's a big difference between sharing parts of your life with your friends at work and ambuscading everyone within a 10-cube radius with the back story on every single flower that comes in celebration of their love and every phone call made to set up an appointment to check out napkin samples for the upcoming $50k wedding. A once-weekly, thirty-second synopsis would do just fine. For fuck's sakes, you could get a full update of the world's news headlines in that time. Considering the wedding isn't for a fucking year, she could probably just go quietly about it and point out the highlights when the major details are sewn up.

Or I could put my headphones on and hide away until the next time I have an instant message flashing "no more fucking wedding talk!" on my screen. See, it's not just me!