me-ist

The world is full of opinion. The world is also full of people willing to spew their opinion of just about anything to anyone who wants to, or is forced to listen. This is rarely a one-sided endeavor, however, because the listener soon feels assaulted and bamboozled and wants to then assert himself as well.

However, not every conversation is an opining session gone awry. Sometimes, Person A is just looking for a sounding board and a conversation or relevant feedback, not to lecture or be lectured to. But, if person B is of a certain personality type, Person A never really had a chance in this encounter and mayhem is sure to ensue.

So person B, formerly the listener (supposedly), deftly turns the tide of the conversation and begins to regale person A with tales of his own woe, drawing bogus parallels and going on at length until the subject at hand is firmly back to his problems, his successes, experiences and opinions. Occasionally this will result in Person A trying to maintain the original conversation by inserting something in a blind effort to regain footing and finish the original thought. When this happens, neither A nor B is listening to the other and therefore nothing, conversationally anyway, is getting accomplished.

Upon closer inspection, what is happening however, is Person A is getting a good look at where Person B's interests really lie. There are people out there who will participate in a conversation both as willing listeners and contributors. If a person like that has begun a conversation and the topic is himself at the outset, he will often finish the story or conversation string and then ask how the other person is doing and what new news is up. He will then listen not only for the purpose of appearing interested, but because he is interested and is taking in and considering the things he is hearing. People like this type of listener / contributor are few and far between. I have a couple of them in my life and they are, understandably, counted among my dearest friends. Hard to find people like that.

Then there are the rest of the people, in varying degrees of selfishness and blatant indifference. People who are, what I like to call "obtusely self-involved". The basic translation, means that these people are not only quite disinterested in subjects that are outside of making them look good in some way, but they actually believe that they are genuinely interested in what other people are saying and doing around them. This person will fight with you if you call them on this behavior. He or she may even recite some element of the last conversation you had in order to prove that they were listening. Even though what they will puke back to you has nothing at all to do with the point of the conversation, this person will feel justified as a good listener and move on, feeling exonerated.

So what is a person (A) to do? I don't have the answer to that, but things to consider are:

1. Don't wait for Person B to change. He or she may have some moments of real interest and participation, but by and large, will only be concerned with how what you are doing directly affects or enhances his life.

2. Don't count on this person to be the one to whom you tell your most personal or confusing thoughts. He or she will not be able to offer any relevant advice or feedback, because she will be too busy trying to decipher exactly how this relates to her and what is the appropriate platitude if it doesn't.

3. Don't bother being upset by it. You will be the only person upset in that scenario, because Person B cannot see too far past herself to say anything other than "you'll figure it out". The translation of that is: I've been through more than you and you don't see ME talking about it. Person B cannot grasp that importance and struggle varies from person to person, because people all have different circumstances. She can only see that she has stuff to gripe about and cannot do it now, because she is so busy "listening" to you and your stupid shit.

The point here....you're on your own. If you're lucky enough to have one good listener or supportive person in your life, thank your god, energy, higher power or whatever. 'Cause there aint many out there and Person B is sure not gonna sit around listening to your sorry ass.