injurious

"Find the pain", is a saying in business.

It means to find what in a given process is slowing a person or a company down and then provide a solution for them to ease their 'pain'. Before the pain can be eased, however, there has to be an uncomfortable period of digging and getting to the bottom of the problem. Ultimately, it’s supposed to be a positive thing, but it takes a hell of a lot lot of torture to get there, sometimes.


There was about a 14 month period of time, where I was nearly incapacitated by my back injuries. During this time, I could not sit or stand or lie in any one position for more than about 10 or 15 minutes before having to shift positions from the pain. Walking sent waves of pain shooting out to my limbs with almost every step and sleep eluded me for weeks on end.

There was a decent stretch of months a few years later, where I could not do any of my normal sports disciplines because my shoulder was torn up and it radiated all the way down my arm to my fingers. During these times, I had no insurance and virtually no money, so I did what I could to get my body taken care of and the rest of the time, I just dealt with it. I trained through a good chunk of both injuries, which pretty much just prolonged the pain and made my life harder. No talkin’ to me then, though.

I know, I know, ‘oooohhh, I’m so hardcore and nobody has ever had pain from injuries except me’…..

So all right then, if you’ve had to deal with the pain that goes along with a sports injury, and especially a nagging, overuse injury, then you know what it’s like to live with the pain everyday and work past, or around it. It’s a fucking joke of a deal, but for most athletes, there is at least one major injury associated with a career spanning longer than about 7 or 8 years, no matter where you started, which means the odds that you know what I’m talking about, at least on some level, are pretty good.

It’s a dull, continuous kind of pain, that pain. You don’t even notice it most of the time, because you block it out, or make the maintenance of it a part of your daily routine; constantly stretching and trigger pointing, hoping it will just suddenly give and relax. Occasionally, there will be marked moments of intense, shooting pain and at that time, you will be reminded that no, you are still not invincible, dammit.

For me, if it comes up in conversation, it means it’s bothering me quite a bit more than normal. Like right now, I’m talking about it, so this is a good indication that on some relatively high level, the pain is throbbing and pissing me off. Fortunately, I have a high pain tolerance. I guess that’s why I was good at my sport. But I remember, after I really rested my back and went into serious debt to get my body back together.

I remember the first morning I woke up and went about my day and I didn’t feel any pain. It was really the strangest thing I’ve ever felt in my life. I had been walking around with so much irritation that it felt like a freedom I had never dared to think would again be mine. When I ran, I went faster and I enjoyed myself because it didn’t feel like I was going to lose parts here and there as I went. I watched an entire movie without having to stop and lie on the floor and stretch. I ran around the beach with my boyfriend and body surfed. Simple things that I thought I had given up were back and it was glorious.

The business application of "the pain" has been played out, for me, over the last year in a couple of different ways. But according to recent information, apparently that’s all over now. We’re going to straighten up and move on into the light. Things are gonna get better and people in the higher reaches of management are gonna listen…..and act. We’re on the up and up and the sky’s the limit with us now. Oh yeah, and of course you’re not expendable. Where on earth would you get a silly notion like that?

Well then, so now that things are apparently going to be so carefree and happy at my place of business, I am anticipating the moment when I wake up and the pain is just gone. The stress, the grating, the insult, the paaaain. I imagine how great it will be, when we all show up to work and there are smiles and robust products and confidence and positivity all around us. When we all hold hands and have a bonfire in the boardroom and sway from side to side as we sing songs about the good ol’ days of data. I am and have been waiting patiently on those days. Where are those days? They said they were on the way and boy howdy, those damned days better be coming, I say, cause if they don’t……

What, you think I’m gonna bail out on it? Think I can live without the pain? But I've become so accustomed to it; it's like a part of me. You know, I dream about it and remember what it was like and then I imagine what it would be like to do it again and then the reverie wakes me up and I go about my day. Same as every other day, that pain is there; most consistent thing in my life…..how can I let that go?