rat (dogs)

I'm a friend to the animals. I love all sorts of animals, even cats, and when I come across the animals, most of the time I have to laugh, at least a little, at how cute or jumpy or smart they are. When I'm at the park and I see a dog playing fetch, I want to pet it and join in the game. Were I to go to a country where these animals were a delicacy, I don't even think I could eat even a mouthful; I love them so much.

That said, I have discovered something disturbing about myself. I started to notice it as I was strolling the streets of New York, for whatever reason, almost every day. When I'm out there doing the strolling, there are scores of dog owners out walking their pets, dutifully cleaning up their excrement (most of the time) and chit chatting with fellow dog owners about this, that or the other. Most of the dogs are cute and happy and smiling as they frolic down the sidewalk; that warm, fuzzy feeling washes over me and I smile to myself.

It was then that I started to do battle with a sentiment of which I just can't rid myself. I've fought it and fought it, but so far, it's a losing battle and I'm finding myself with the overwhelming urge.....to punt. There, I said it. My friends and acquaintances will flog me now, for sure, but I just can't shake the thought that if one more of these cute little gems of nature trots innocently under my foot, I will pick it up and punt it over the traffic of 2nd Avenue, to the other side of the street.

The dogs of which I speak are the smallest dogs, on the longest leashes. They can't possibly weigh more than about 5 pounds and are of no particular variety. Even the owners are widely varied. The things the owners have in common, however, are the possession of a small dog and long leash, a cell phone and a decided lack of attention when walking said dog on said leash. The dog, therefore, canvasses the sidewalk, roaming curiously about. The cute little companion checks out every nook and cranny, sniffing and staring at the melange of doggie goodness stuck to and strewn about the sidewalk. The dog is just having fun, doing what dogs do. The owner is the one with whom I really take issue. If the owner actually paid attention, or reeled his cute little friend in, I would not be faced with the overwhelming urge to dropkick the furry friends of Manhattan.

Maybe I should punt the owner. My ankles and knees are in peril when those critters are around and I simply can't afford to lose a ligament because some stupid chihuahua owner can't keep it together. That would probably leave a more lasting impression and then the owner would be too stunned and confused to cause problems. To boot, since the dog would be attached to the leash, which would in turn, be attached to the owners hand, both sources of irritation would be discharged from my presence at once. Of course, being known as dog-and-owner-kicker-girl might suck, but at this point, I'm really only concerned with avoiding my own bodily injury however possible.

I fully expect to begin receiving harassment from Peta, but I can live with that. Because if the Peta folks saw what I go through on the sidewalk everyday, they'd be on that bandwagon with me. So let that be a warning to you.....rat-dog owners. Tight leashes equal happy tall girls and that's really the end goal now, isn't it?