reason to hate Texas.
Texas is a bass-ackward place that I am embarrassed to have as a part of our nation. I have no doubt that there are many fine people living in Texas at any given time, however they are clearly lacking at least a smidgin of sense, to still be living there, and they in their niceness, are not enough to offset all of the ick. Tons of ick in Texas, which is a state which arguably, has its head up it's ass on just about every subject I can think of. Texas is one of the major reasons that I fear the south.
Here's just another example why Texas is backwards and ridiculous. In the name of "independence" and a desire to avoid appearing TRENDY, of all things, Texas decides it will not collect or reuse recyclable materials, because among other things, it's out of the way, driving-wise. Why are they here?
I propose that Texans no longer be in charge of anything, because they are clearly, well behind the times at this point. On January 20th, one source of stress will be eliminated, after 8 years of total idiocy and destructive policy, and that is a great place to start. Until its residents and businesses can stop polluting everything and learn to get along, I think Texas needs to stand with its nose in the corner.
30 July, 2008
29 July, 2008
milestone-ish
I didn't sleep again last night and probably won't for a while, but that's neither here nor there, because that's why god invented weekends. It does fluster me when I have no access to writing, however.
But, despite my lack of sleep and my stupid toe and all of the throbbing and annoyance it is causing me (did you know that the proper reference is "the Grand Toe"?), I have had a couple of good workouts in a row. This is encouraging, because I need a string of them to put together in order to maintain sanity.
I can now comfortably bench press 135lbs x 5, and my goal is to get to a 1 rep max of 150 inside of about 6-8 weeks. I think I can do more, but given how my shoulder is improving, it seems like a good place to start. Now all I need to do is learn the whole finance industry in under a month. With my spare time, I will be reading a lot.
But, despite my lack of sleep and my stupid toe and all of the throbbing and annoyance it is causing me (did you know that the proper reference is "the Grand Toe"?), I have had a couple of good workouts in a row. This is encouraging, because I need a string of them to put together in order to maintain sanity.
I can now comfortably bench press 135lbs x 5, and my goal is to get to a 1 rep max of 150 inside of about 6-8 weeks. I think I can do more, but given how my shoulder is improving, it seems like a good place to start. Now all I need to do is learn the whole finance industry in under a month. With my spare time, I will be reading a lot.
28 July, 2008
day 1
I had a riveting game of Scrabble tonight. It was the first time in a couple of years that I had found someone who wanted (I use the term 'wanted' verrryyy loosely) to play. I probably won't get to play again for a long time, but it was fun to embrace my inner dork again and play, not only a board game, but a wordy-spelly board game.
Yeah, you can laugh at me. I love cheesy sports stuff (with the exception of bows in one's hair, which is not at all sporty). I love board games, dominoes, crossword puzzles, museums and the symphony. All the uncool stuff - I'm totally into it.
This will surely seem like an odd segue, but after many, many hours of being awake in my favorite zombie wasteland, it led me back into thinking about a topic I covered at length this week. I feel like I've lost my style a bit. I have been so focused on getting out of debt and on navigating all of the various changes that have come about in my life over the last few years, that it seems I lost a little of who I am and I stopped paying attention to some small, but fundamental things that genuinely make me happy and keep me who I am.
I think the next while is going to be dedicated to a sort of soulful excavation. The wheels have not ever stopped turning in me, they just sort of slowed down a bit and I forgot a few things I could stand to remember. Time to shed this sad layer and get back down to the good shit.
Yeah, you can laugh at me. I love cheesy sports stuff (with the exception of bows in one's hair, which is not at all sporty). I love board games, dominoes, crossword puzzles, museums and the symphony. All the uncool stuff - I'm totally into it.
This will surely seem like an odd segue, but after many, many hours of being awake in my favorite zombie wasteland, it led me back into thinking about a topic I covered at length this week. I feel like I've lost my style a bit. I have been so focused on getting out of debt and on navigating all of the various changes that have come about in my life over the last few years, that it seems I lost a little of who I am and I stopped paying attention to some small, but fundamental things that genuinely make me happy and keep me who I am.
I think the next while is going to be dedicated to a sort of soulful excavation. The wheels have not ever stopped turning in me, they just sort of slowed down a bit and I forgot a few things I could stand to remember. Time to shed this sad layer and get back down to the good shit.
23 July, 2008
auntie!
2 posts in one day!
I am an auntie again to a very tall newborn baby boy! He was 7lbs, 11oz. and 22 inches long when he was born. Now, he's probably abuot 3' tall and weighs 40lbs. I wouldn't be surprised.
The shocker here is that my baby brother is now a father. Holy crap, I'm old.
I am an auntie again to a very tall newborn baby boy! He was 7lbs, 11oz. and 22 inches long when he was born. Now, he's probably abuot 3' tall and weighs 40lbs. I wouldn't be surprised.
The shocker here is that my baby brother is now a father. Holy crap, I'm old.
maybe
I am generally a pretty mellow person. I am most often described as "laid back" and "cool", though I don't think the latter refers to my sense of style or chic, but more to a general affability.
There are things in this world however, that draw a quick and volcanic reaction from me (at least inwardly). Maybe, is one of those things. Seeing someone incessantly maybe'd is almost as frustrating as being maybe'd yourself. It just sort of smacks of a general lack of consideration from one person to another.
Maybe sounds to me, much the same way "that's stupid," or "fuck off" sound to other people. Maybe says "I just want to buy a little time so you will forget, something will come up, or I can think of a good excuse." Maybe is the word your parents used when you were little and they had no idea how to handle the situation. Maybe was what they said because they couldn't cope with a tantrum or the whiny-whyyyy, or when they didn't have time to think of a logical excuse to say no, on the spot.
Maybe is what your friends say when they don't want to hurt your feelings, but have very little interest in what you're talking about and maybe is what significant others say to buy time until they can fill the slot with something that is a legitimate place-taker, thereby getting out of whatever it is you have asked them to participate in.
I do concede that there are 'maybes' that are not intended nor interpreted to be negative or clandestine, however, those maybes are pretty clear most of the time, and therefore are not the ones of which I speak, here.
When in an awkward position of not wanting to do something, what is one to do? If you can't put a 'maybe' place-holder, what can you do? It's a quandary for sure and one I've been in before, but when used somewhat sparingly, it can be effective in keeping situations free of tension.
But that maybe that is trotted out on the regular....that guy's gotta go for sure. When you find yourself 'maybe-ing' someone over simple things that you used to have no problem with, well then it seems its time to take inventory of why you are spending enough time with someone that you can a) trot out the maybe to more often then not, and b) what the reasons are behind never committing to what is proposed.
To me it says selfishness, but maybe I have no idea.....
Maybe I do.
There are things in this world however, that draw a quick and volcanic reaction from me (at least inwardly). Maybe, is one of those things. Seeing someone incessantly maybe'd is almost as frustrating as being maybe'd yourself. It just sort of smacks of a general lack of consideration from one person to another.
Maybe sounds to me, much the same way "that's stupid," or "fuck off" sound to other people. Maybe says "I just want to buy a little time so you will forget, something will come up, or I can think of a good excuse." Maybe is the word your parents used when you were little and they had no idea how to handle the situation. Maybe was what they said because they couldn't cope with a tantrum or the whiny-whyyyy, or when they didn't have time to think of a logical excuse to say no, on the spot.
Maybe is what your friends say when they don't want to hurt your feelings, but have very little interest in what you're talking about and maybe is what significant others say to buy time until they can fill the slot with something that is a legitimate place-taker, thereby getting out of whatever it is you have asked them to participate in.
I do concede that there are 'maybes' that are not intended nor interpreted to be negative or clandestine, however, those maybes are pretty clear most of the time, and therefore are not the ones of which I speak, here.
When in an awkward position of not wanting to do something, what is one to do? If you can't put a 'maybe' place-holder, what can you do? It's a quandary for sure and one I've been in before, but when used somewhat sparingly, it can be effective in keeping situations free of tension.
But that maybe that is trotted out on the regular....that guy's gotta go for sure. When you find yourself 'maybe-ing' someone over simple things that you used to have no problem with, well then it seems its time to take inventory of why you are spending enough time with someone that you can a) trot out the maybe to more often then not, and b) what the reasons are behind never committing to what is proposed.
To me it says selfishness, but maybe I have no idea.....
Maybe I do.
22 July, 2008
lame
Lame could describe many things right now, for me. What I happen to refer to at the moment however, is actual, physical lameness; the kind that comes when I, who prefers water sports to anything else, somehow manage to get a football injury. I feel this is a proxy injury, actually, or perhaps something voo doo'ed to me by a specific source, but I have it, so now I must deal.
If you don't know what turf toe is, allow me to illuminate you. Fascinating shit, really. Shaquille O'neal has had it for years and I have read that over 50% of those who get it, have it for good. Saaaaa-weet. In the simplest terms, it feels like walking and running with a broken foot / big toe. It throbs at certain times and is always tender to the touch. Sometimes it swells up, but sometimes I forget it's there at all. Because you see i can still run, I just can't really do much afterward, when it inflates itself and becomes angry. Good times.
The strange thing is, this injury is on my right side. That never happened before last year, when I sprained my ankle, while misstepping on second avenue and ending up in a pothole (but saving the computer I was carrying, athankyou). Does this indicate that my life is becoming more balanced? If I can be hurt on both sides now, is that some sort of progress? I'm trying to find any way to skew the situation into having a silver lining, because all I am seeing is my 4 pack getting further and further away.
Soon however, I will purchase new running shoes and see if a little extra cushion will afford me a couple more days a week on the steady state tip. Maybe give me a little pillow for my damaged piggie, so it won't notice that I'm not giving it as much rest as it wants. I'm icing it tenderly and saying complimentary things to it meantime, while formulating my strategy to battle the toe de turf for control of my foot. I will win, o yes, I will win it back, because if I lose my stress outlet, people could be maimed, and we have to keep the public safe now, don't we?
A torn joint capsule will not keep me down and I will rise like the phoenix I am, because I would really like to do another triathlon or a marathon at the end of the year, and no effing turf toe is getting in my way, dammit.
If you don't know what turf toe is, allow me to illuminate you. Fascinating shit, really. Shaquille O'neal has had it for years and I have read that over 50% of those who get it, have it for good. Saaaaa-weet. In the simplest terms, it feels like walking and running with a broken foot / big toe. It throbs at certain times and is always tender to the touch. Sometimes it swells up, but sometimes I forget it's there at all. Because you see i can still run, I just can't really do much afterward, when it inflates itself and becomes angry. Good times.
The strange thing is, this injury is on my right side. That never happened before last year, when I sprained my ankle, while misstepping on second avenue and ending up in a pothole (but saving the computer I was carrying, athankyou). Does this indicate that my life is becoming more balanced? If I can be hurt on both sides now, is that some sort of progress? I'm trying to find any way to skew the situation into having a silver lining, because all I am seeing is my 4 pack getting further and further away.
Soon however, I will purchase new running shoes and see if a little extra cushion will afford me a couple more days a week on the steady state tip. Maybe give me a little pillow for my damaged piggie, so it won't notice that I'm not giving it as much rest as it wants. I'm icing it tenderly and saying complimentary things to it meantime, while formulating my strategy to battle the toe de turf for control of my foot. I will win, o yes, I will win it back, because if I lose my stress outlet, people could be maimed, and we have to keep the public safe now, don't we?
A torn joint capsule will not keep me down and I will rise like the phoenix I am, because I would really like to do another triathlon or a marathon at the end of the year, and no effing turf toe is getting in my way, dammit.
18 July, 2008
zen
Today I snapped out of my morning fog to realize that I had been daydreaming about rowing for quite some time. It was the first time in a long, long time where I had a total zen moment thinking about being on the water.
I could feel myself twisting out to port and releasing my hands to let the blade lock itself into my lats before the pistons fired my knees down. I could hear the lock of the collar in the oarlock and hear the thump of the feather at the finish. I heard my breath and felt the run of the boat as the bow slid ahead.
And then I heard the soothing rush of bubbles frantically working their way down the keel to the stern. I floated weightlessly above the water on the recovery as the boat pulled me back up to the catch again. The sun glinted off the water into my eyes, sweat salting my skin. That was bliss in 5 minutes that will give me fuel for the whole day and then some.
I could feel myself twisting out to port and releasing my hands to let the blade lock itself into my lats before the pistons fired my knees down. I could hear the lock of the collar in the oarlock and hear the thump of the feather at the finish. I heard my breath and felt the run of the boat as the bow slid ahead.
And then I heard the soothing rush of bubbles frantically working their way down the keel to the stern. I floated weightlessly above the water on the recovery as the boat pulled me back up to the catch again. The sun glinted off the water into my eyes, sweat salting my skin. That was bliss in 5 minutes that will give me fuel for the whole day and then some.
14 July, 2008
was i?
Oh see, here we are doing it again. Chasing the thoughts around and around, but I am somehow unable to come up with two that go together; like being stuck in an extremely frustrating game of "Memory", where no two tiles ever seem to come up together, even though you really think you know where they are.
Maybe I'm just fixated on the radioactive glow coming from my arms, or the tanned-in seat belt mark on my chest. People have had worse problems, but boy would some Noxema hit the spot.
I was writing in my diary one day (horribly, the one that was stolen) and I started to write out a list of questions. It was in reference to the mortality of someone I knew and it was kind of a hypothetical, living performance review. I started thinking about the person and the good things that that person had brought to my life and I hoped that there was no uncertainty in that person's mind, how I felt about them.
And then I had tons of questions....
Was it good to know me? Did I treat you with the respect and understanding you deserve? Were we good friends? What impression did I leave you with? Did you know how I felt about you? If I was involved with you romantically, did I make you feel as wonderful and worthwhile as you are? Was it good to be loved by me? Did I leave you better than I found you and do you know that I think of you often and wish you well? Did I hurt you? Did I apologize for it, if I did and did I forgive you when it was time to? Was I positive and supportive with you? Do you know what great things you brought to my life?
I remember at the time thinking how good it would be to know the answers to those questions, but more importantly, that it was probably time for me to start focusing on letting the people I love and care about know it on a regular basis. Periodically, I think I can use a refresher on those wonders, partly to keep me on my toes and make me aware of how I am with people. The other part is to give myself a little boost that I am minded to be and trend to be a person who contributes positively to whatever situations I can. Just a little reminder that I am okay and on the right track; a little nudge in the right direction.
It should be noted that this is not an open solicitation for answers about me to these questions, just as something to think about. I have spent quite a bit of time on those inquiries - mostly under a pre-dawn, nocturnal canopy - and others like them in the last while, so I thought I'd spread the inner conversation.
Maybe I'm just fixated on the radioactive glow coming from my arms, or the tanned-in seat belt mark on my chest. People have had worse problems, but boy would some Noxema hit the spot.
I was writing in my diary one day (horribly, the one that was stolen) and I started to write out a list of questions. It was in reference to the mortality of someone I knew and it was kind of a hypothetical, living performance review. I started thinking about the person and the good things that that person had brought to my life and I hoped that there was no uncertainty in that person's mind, how I felt about them.
And then I had tons of questions....
Was it good to know me? Did I treat you with the respect and understanding you deserve? Were we good friends? What impression did I leave you with? Did you know how I felt about you? If I was involved with you romantically, did I make you feel as wonderful and worthwhile as you are? Was it good to be loved by me? Did I leave you better than I found you and do you know that I think of you often and wish you well? Did I hurt you? Did I apologize for it, if I did and did I forgive you when it was time to? Was I positive and supportive with you? Do you know what great things you brought to my life?
I remember at the time thinking how good it would be to know the answers to those questions, but more importantly, that it was probably time for me to start focusing on letting the people I love and care about know it on a regular basis. Periodically, I think I can use a refresher on those wonders, partly to keep me on my toes and make me aware of how I am with people. The other part is to give myself a little boost that I am minded to be and trend to be a person who contributes positively to whatever situations I can. Just a little reminder that I am okay and on the right track; a little nudge in the right direction.
It should be noted that this is not an open solicitation for answers about me to these questions, just as something to think about. I have spent quite a bit of time on those inquiries - mostly under a pre-dawn, nocturnal canopy - and others like them in the last while, so I thought I'd spread the inner conversation.
13 July, 2008
desiderata
I'm moving this one back up to the front. I just think this is a better way to be in the weekend then telling the world where to go.
>>This one I had taped to the mirror in my bathroom for about 10 years. As a work in progress, I have found it applies to me every single day and yes, in a cheesy, hippie-tastic sort of way, it makes me tear up every now and then.
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
-Max Ehrman
>>This one I had taped to the mirror in my bathroom for about 10 years. As a work in progress, I have found it applies to me every single day and yes, in a cheesy, hippie-tastic sort of way, it makes me tear up every now and then.
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
-Max Ehrman
10 July, 2008
today
You know, I started to write about something, and it may still even make it up at some point, but today, I really just don't have anything to say.
I'm going to get a haircut for the first time in 6 months and that is what will make me happy today. I'm tired and under the impression that it's time to cut my losses and just stop the bleeding. Other than that, I'm not miserable by any stretch, but today I just kinda feel like the rest of the world can fuck a duck.
I'm going to get a haircut for the first time in 6 months and that is what will make me happy today. I'm tired and under the impression that it's time to cut my losses and just stop the bleeding. Other than that, I'm not miserable by any stretch, but today I just kinda feel like the rest of the world can fuck a duck.
09 July, 2008
still up
When sleep eludes, the mind it moves
Cruising up and around the room
Thoughts dancing seductively on ceiling tiles
Wooing that whirling matter
Cooing to calm and tire
No rest to be found
Just around and around
Curling into wisps of smoke
And outside skies that have come in
Stars twinkling at an arms distance
As the man in the moon serenades
And the fronds play the breeze
Cruising up and around the room
Thoughts dancing seductively on ceiling tiles
Wooing that whirling matter
Cooing to calm and tire
No rest to be found
Just around and around
Curling into wisps of smoke
And outside skies that have come in
Stars twinkling at an arms distance
As the man in the moon serenades
And the fronds play the breeze
08 July, 2008
eeee-go already
Ego.
An ego is, arguably, a good thing to have, which I suppose is a bonus, because everyone has one, whether you wanted it or not. Your ego will boost you when you are in moments of competition. Your ego will press you to demand and pursue better things from yourself, your life and those around you. Your ego will pick you up in times of trouble, dust you off and kick you in the pants to get you going again. Your ego is your friend.
Your ego will make you look like an arrogant prick and alienate the people around you. Your ego will make your life considerably more difficult than it needs to be.
Ohhh, didn't see that one coming now, did you? The trouble with ego is that that little bastard doesn't seem to know when to stop. Ego thinks it (ego is not gender specific, so it retains the 'it' article) knows better than everyone else about everything. It thinks that nothing is more important or more deserving than itself.
It doesn't give a fuck if it's in your way and setting you up for what will later be some serious grief, sorrow or a nasty fight-hangover. Ego doesn't care because ego will go into hiding at that point and leave you to clean up the mess, most times wondering how it inserted itself so effectively into the mix and how it managed to fuck things up so badly in such a short period of time. Ego is as irresponsible as it is bold. Ego is also a lame excuse for bad behavior and defiant obstinance.
And that's just one ego. Imagine the exponential compounding of bullshit when not one, but two egos are in the mix. It's like having two T.O.'s playing for the same team. Like having two Trumps trying to run the same real estate empire. Like.....well, you get the point. When two egos are engaged, the actual people are not even present it seems, because the egos have taken over and are, at that point, running the show. When the two are going tete a tete, it's nothing more than a one-upping, destructo-derby, with each ego trying to see if it can come up with a better and more barb-covered line. It's a mess doomed to get messier before it gets better and in the end, the actual human beings in the situation are left with carnage and sometimes regret (not that ego would let them admit it) and they have to figure out how much to concede without pissing ego off and having it come out for another round of grenade launchings.
And around and around we go until everyone arrests that troublemaking fucker and puts it under wraps, where it can be dealt with and observed and not be out parading around and destroying things like the tasmanian devil. It has a place, that part in everyone's personality; it has a place and a function. But if you are finding yourself in conflict with regard to a "this-is-bullshit" or "I-don't-have-to-take-this-shit" situation, no matter what side you are on.....
Manage your fucking ego.
An ego is, arguably, a good thing to have, which I suppose is a bonus, because everyone has one, whether you wanted it or not. Your ego will boost you when you are in moments of competition. Your ego will press you to demand and pursue better things from yourself, your life and those around you. Your ego will pick you up in times of trouble, dust you off and kick you in the pants to get you going again. Your ego is your friend.
Your ego will make you look like an arrogant prick and alienate the people around you. Your ego will make your life considerably more difficult than it needs to be.
Ohhh, didn't see that one coming now, did you? The trouble with ego is that that little bastard doesn't seem to know when to stop. Ego thinks it (ego is not gender specific, so it retains the 'it' article) knows better than everyone else about everything. It thinks that nothing is more important or more deserving than itself.
It doesn't give a fuck if it's in your way and setting you up for what will later be some serious grief, sorrow or a nasty fight-hangover. Ego doesn't care because ego will go into hiding at that point and leave you to clean up the mess, most times wondering how it inserted itself so effectively into the mix and how it managed to fuck things up so badly in such a short period of time. Ego is as irresponsible as it is bold. Ego is also a lame excuse for bad behavior and defiant obstinance.
And that's just one ego. Imagine the exponential compounding of bullshit when not one, but two egos are in the mix. It's like having two T.O.'s playing for the same team. Like having two Trumps trying to run the same real estate empire. Like.....well, you get the point. When two egos are engaged, the actual people are not even present it seems, because the egos have taken over and are, at that point, running the show. When the two are going tete a tete, it's nothing more than a one-upping, destructo-derby, with each ego trying to see if it can come up with a better and more barb-covered line. It's a mess doomed to get messier before it gets better and in the end, the actual human beings in the situation are left with carnage and sometimes regret (not that ego would let them admit it) and they have to figure out how much to concede without pissing ego off and having it come out for another round of grenade launchings.
And around and around we go until everyone arrests that troublemaking fucker and puts it under wraps, where it can be dealt with and observed and not be out parading around and destroying things like the tasmanian devil. It has a place, that part in everyone's personality; it has a place and a function. But if you are finding yourself in conflict with regard to a "this-is-bullshit" or "I-don't-have-to-take-this-shit" situation, no matter what side you are on.....
Manage your fucking ego.
06 July, 2008
ever
Suicide may be painless, but pain is painful; both to cause and to feel. At least if one has any sense of self or feeling.
But once it's done, it's done and out of anyone's hands, but the hurt. Shitty position to be in, but we live with our decisions and hope for the best, I guess. What's meant to be will be and that's the way it goes.
I feel it is important to note however, resignation doesn't always mean giving up; sometimes it may just mean an effort not to inflict more of that abundant element. They say that time and space heal wounds and that forgiveness and love conquer all. They say that mistakes are made to be worked through and learned from and that everyone has made them, so everyone can learn something. At the moment, I reserve judgement or comment on the subject. It's all just shitty, but it will work out for the best.....whatever that is.
So I hear.
But once it's done, it's done and out of anyone's hands, but the hurt. Shitty position to be in, but we live with our decisions and hope for the best, I guess. What's meant to be will be and that's the way it goes.
I feel it is important to note however, resignation doesn't always mean giving up; sometimes it may just mean an effort not to inflict more of that abundant element. They say that time and space heal wounds and that forgiveness and love conquer all. They say that mistakes are made to be worked through and learned from and that everyone has made them, so everyone can learn something. At the moment, I reserve judgement or comment on the subject. It's all just shitty, but it will work out for the best.....whatever that is.
So I hear.
02 July, 2008
If
Thank you to Mr. McCandlish, my drunken high school english teacher, who was nuts, bordering on brilliant. He exposed me to and forced me to memorize and recount several important poetic works, many of which I have not only never forgotten, but referenced in my mind during difficult periods of my life. Subtle yet powerful reminders, they are and I will note a couple to share. First is IF.
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!
--Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!
--Rudyard Kipling
01 July, 2008
babel babble
At one point in time, humans were so up on themselves, they decided to build a huge tower to reach god, so they could take over and start running this joint for good. God got pissed, struck them all down and gave them the gift of different languages so that they would have to work really, really hard to understand each other, thereby throwing a wrench in their egotistical operations. It also became a huge construction setback and the tower of Babel was given up for impossible. Sadly, communicatively, we don't seem to have progessed very far since that time, so I guess god's position is safe; a shrewd job security move on his part.
Conflict, being a part of life, is made much much easier by the ability to communicate with one another. I hate conflict, but when the potential for it arises, I like to deal with it and get it out of my way, so that it is not prolonged, therefore sucking me and everyone around me dry. Not everyone feels this way however, and I find that many, if not most people, will do anything and everything possible to put off any form of conflict, hoping that it will magically resolve itself or go away.
That said, I am willing to concede that wanting to deal with something right then, in the moment, is not necessarily always the best tack and has the potential to cause problems. Though I understand this, I am not always able to accommodate giving time and air to a problem, especially if the other party does not have any ideas for how to dismantle a conundrum before it takes on a life of its own.
There are entire libraries dedicated to conflict resolution. Volumes upon volumes of messages on how to interpret the mysterious language of the angry, the loony, the opposite sex, the religious, etc. It seems to be the subject on which all of one's friends become an expert, as soon as they, themselves have entered into a relationship. The pontificating and surmising advice that people come out with when that happens is truly spectacular. But most of us can, or at least think we can, take care of ourselves and manage our own relationships.
Except for that one time, when, as always happens, there comes a checkpoint, where the two people arrested there for a moment, clearly do not speak the same verbal language, or even the same body language. It is the impasse and it is a dangerous and uncomfortable place to be. It is the junction where the epic battles begin over spilt milk. The battles that could torch cities and sink a thousand ships, yet can't bring forth a single paper towel to clean up the mess.
These are the times when I wish I had been a psychology major. Then I would be able to sit back, smugly, and just know the answer to everything and then wait around a while until my counterparty got his or her head out of their ass and got on board. Wait...I kinda do that now don't I? Actually, come to think of it, everyone does that and that's probably the reason that it, the tiny misunderstanding, becomes the blockbuster epic that it does.
Hey everybody, I seem to have stumbled upon something good here. If we all just stopped being smug assholes, we would probably resolve conflict better. Well then, that was quite an exercise now wasn't it. Pick up yer tools, assholes, it's time to give that babel tower thing another go.
Conflict, being a part of life, is made much much easier by the ability to communicate with one another. I hate conflict, but when the potential for it arises, I like to deal with it and get it out of my way, so that it is not prolonged, therefore sucking me and everyone around me dry. Not everyone feels this way however, and I find that many, if not most people, will do anything and everything possible to put off any form of conflict, hoping that it will magically resolve itself or go away.
That said, I am willing to concede that wanting to deal with something right then, in the moment, is not necessarily always the best tack and has the potential to cause problems. Though I understand this, I am not always able to accommodate giving time and air to a problem, especially if the other party does not have any ideas for how to dismantle a conundrum before it takes on a life of its own.
There are entire libraries dedicated to conflict resolution. Volumes upon volumes of messages on how to interpret the mysterious language of the angry, the loony, the opposite sex, the religious, etc. It seems to be the subject on which all of one's friends become an expert, as soon as they, themselves have entered into a relationship. The pontificating and surmising advice that people come out with when that happens is truly spectacular. But most of us can, or at least think we can, take care of ourselves and manage our own relationships.
Except for that one time, when, as always happens, there comes a checkpoint, where the two people arrested there for a moment, clearly do not speak the same verbal language, or even the same body language. It is the impasse and it is a dangerous and uncomfortable place to be. It is the junction where the epic battles begin over spilt milk. The battles that could torch cities and sink a thousand ships, yet can't bring forth a single paper towel to clean up the mess.
These are the times when I wish I had been a psychology major. Then I would be able to sit back, smugly, and just know the answer to everything and then wait around a while until my counterparty got his or her head out of their ass and got on board. Wait...I kinda do that now don't I? Actually, come to think of it, everyone does that and that's probably the reason that it, the tiny misunderstanding, becomes the blockbuster epic that it does.
Hey everybody, I seem to have stumbled upon something good here. If we all just stopped being smug assholes, we would probably resolve conflict better. Well then, that was quite an exercise now wasn't it. Pick up yer tools, assholes, it's time to give that babel tower thing another go.
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