silencio

I'm a fan of Sly and the Family Stone. Who isn't? It's good, funk-your-jive music that any and all can git dowwwn to and enjoy. I enjoy them when I want to, in fact, either in the comfort of my own home or headphones.

Now that I'm riding the silver worm under the streets of the city everyday again, I'm re-awakened to the interesting, annoying and peculiar habits of my fellow commuters. I am always under the impression that everyone really just wants to get from A to B in the most unobstructed, undisturbed manner possible. However, that notion is frequently challenged during rush hour traffic by people who have never heard of the new phenomenon called a "personal listening device."

Funny how when you really want to hear someone or something, you usually come up totally empty, or with a message you'd rather not understand. However, when you are sequestered for 13 or so subway stops, the world is teeming with things to say, all of which you are forced to hear and cannot avoid.

My personal favorite so far, was not my boy Sly on the mini-boombox, but cellphone speaker mp3 concert I had today. As I sat, trying desperately to ignore the thoughts racing through my brain, I was mercifully interrupted and then subsequently agitated by Akon trilling, "I wanna fuuuuuuck you, fuck you, you already knooowww...I wanna fuuuuck you, fuck you, you already knooowwwwww."

When I was first jarred to attention by the song, I thought for sure that the device's owner would jump promptly to attention and turn it off, but nooo. He actually smiled to himself and played the balance of the song for the whole train to hear. I actually kind of like that song and I'm sure on some level we all enjoyed ourselves for different reasons, but then again, the stiff and stodgy have also been known to ride the subway, so I'm sure that ruined one of their days, funny though it was. But the stiff and stodgy have representation too, in the realm of things-you-should-keep-to-yourself-on-the-subway. I hate to take the side of someone whose needs normally grate me, but it's true. Not all wishes for quietude are unreasonable.

The one I truly don't understand though, is the one that nearly provokes an ass-whooping from me, every single time. Why, o why do loud people stand 4 or 5 bodies apart on the train and then yell their conversation through the other passengers? Why do they do this? Is it some sort of human density experiment? Are they secret UFC trained fighters, trying to incite some sort of impromtu cage fight for a new reality TV series? Why? There are almost always a barrage of curse words tumbling through the air during these conversations, and while I clearly don't have a problem with such modifiers, I don't believe they need to be shouted directly into the eardrums of people I don't know; people who clearly want nothing more than to just get off the stinky, fucking train already and have dinner, or sex, or whatever is waiting for them at home.

Since I have an audience of about 3, I won't bother to beg for your silence and co-operation, because you people already get it. I'll just keep a running tally of the idiocy rampant on public transportation for posterity and when I have my personal helicopter, none of this will be a problem.