lone

There are times in a person's life where lessons are learned and things are realized, whether you want to or not. One such lesson is that of independence.

I refer back to my "playbook" analogy. There are some plays that the lucky, loved and better off receive, such as how to make people feel appreciated, loved and supported. There are the plays that "other" people get, such as how to watch your back, who to trust or not trust and how to fight your way through adversity. Either way, there is a successful set of plays in there, no matter from whence you've come.

It's a low when you realize that while you thought you had gained entree into the world of the lucky and the loved, you are still on the fray, looking in and wishing instead of having. Chances are, you attract your own. So if you are stable and expect love and support, that is probably what you will achieve in your relationships, because you won't indulge people who don't treat you that way. If however, you have not had that, you will most likely accept bullshit from someone who is just fumbling along, same as you, trying to be a good person and break the cycle as well.

This is when you learn that you are on your own. Despite what your friends or significant others may say, you are on your own, so thank god for that fighting spirit, because when the shit comes down, no one is going to come over and put their arms around you to make you feel safe or feel better. They are too busy taking care of themselves because no one has ever done that for them. So how to break the cycle? Ahhh, that is the question of a lifetime. That is the question to which so many people I know seek the answer.

When you love the people around you, don't you want to go to them? in happiness and sadness? Don't you want them around you if they are close enough to be there? Wouldn't you rather have facetime and laughs in person than a phone or e mail string keeping you afloat? Why hide out if there are people who want to be there? Why hide out when people want you around them? I don't get it.

A friend of mine says you change it by cleaning the slate and starting over. I would tend to agree, but how do you maintain anger and dis-invite people from your life, when you know that they just lack the skills to do right by you? Someone told me that I'm too forgiving. Maybe so, but I stupidly hold out the hope; hope that when someone says they care about you, it doesn't mean they care until something comes up.

Any lucky ones want to chime in on this one? What are the rest of us missing?