i knock a guy out at the gym

Okay, that was just what I wanted to do, but I wanted to do it o so very badly.

As I've mentioned, several times, the gym is like a sacred place to me. It's kind of a church, in a manner of speaking. It's the place I go when times are good or bad, to think, reflect and become better in mind, body and spirit. And yes, I really am that hokey about my workout time. This instance however, is in no way me being obnoxious and elitist about the gym environs or anyone else's fitness. My particular issue today has to do with simple courtesies that seem to be waaayyy too much to ask of people anymore.

So there I was, on a day when the gym was pretty much quiet and uncrowded (also known as heaven), hoping to get my workout in before closing time, so that I could go home and enjoy an evening full of interesting plans. I arrived in a good mood, ready to face the challenge ahead of me; taking note of the other patrons steadily going about their business for just a second, before zoning out and turning up the headphones.

I began my warm up and then about halfway through, was jarred into hearing, even over the songs at a relatively high volume, the steady chatter of someone whose voice does not belong in my ears. I tried to tune it out, thinking it was probably an important call and would be just a minute until the inconvenience was over.

I feel I should note that when people bring their cell phones into the gym, I am under the impression that they are obligated to do so because of a possible urgent situation, such as a pregnant loved one or a large dollar transaction in the works. In those instances, I am perfectly willing to forgive the short call, even if it disrupts my flow at the moment. Business must be transacted, but so must fitness. Sometimes the two overlap and we all need to be understanding. The 20 minute conversation about bullshit and clique politics, I do not tolerate.

So after my warm up and the first 20 minutes of my workout had elapsed, his conversation was still assaulting my eardrums and I began to glare. I chucked out so many eye darts, if they were real, he would have been reduced to a pulpy mess. But even after the assailant made repeated eye contact with me, thus catching the daggers head-on, he continued to yak away and irk me until I was finally forced to interrupt myself and go confront him.

My first question is the obvious; why be so brazenly rude as to talk loudly on the phone, while leaning against various machines and pissing off everyone within earshot? We seem to be way past the obvious though, because the next thing that happened was that despite my irritation, I politely asked him to take his conversation upstairs. I told him, amidst the silent cheers of my co-exercisers, that I could hear him over my music and asked for the consideration to take his gossipfest elsewhere.

He stared at me. He sprouted an index finger skyward and appeared ready to shush me, when he must have seen my eyeballs turning red. Why must i get to a point of near-violence for this seemingly simple point to be taken? Why must steam arise from my ears in order for a scurrilous asshole to exercise simple consideration? I guess a "thank you Captain Obvious" is in order there, but really. What is the world coming to?

I can't lie though, I got a wonderful fantasy out of the situation. In my head, I had lost control and succumbed to the overwhelming desire to fling his Razr back over my head, hearing it shatter against some 45lb plates a few seconds later. Meanwhile, I had flung a medicine ball at his head, giving him a fantastic shiner, while side-arming a 7.5 pound dumbell into his genitals. I then laughed as he collapsed onto the floor and finally, hurled emasculating insults as I trotted back to my workout....in my head.

But alas, in real time, I turned the music back up and let the Dropkick Murphys soothe me back into focus. Ahhh, if only there weren't the threat of legal entanglements the other way.