smart y classy.

I saw a woman walking today, pushing a stroller with a toddler in it. She had a tight fitting black t shirt on that said in very bold white letters:

I USED TO BE A FUCKING IDIOT

then below it, in a darker color, it said:

then we broke up.

So now what, you've progressed to being a total fucking idiot, as opposed to just a regular fucking idiot? I mean isn't the presence of the shirt kind of a giveaway there?

I'm just sayin.

benny lava

I realize there's not a ton of narrative going on with these lately, but take what you can get for the moment, okay? Besides, this is really funny.

unnecessary update

Work is gnarley right now. I have no time to think about anything but work and anything that even threatens to cross my brain that is non-work related is promptly axed from my thought process.

I bought my plane ticket to Cabo tonight. Not sure if I'm going to be able to eat for the next two weeks, but at least I'll be able to get my ass to Mexico. I will starve happily in the sun.

Now I wait for my review, to ensure that I will be gainfully employed for the next year and I will pick some shit up after Friday, when I can breathe again.


Later.

muppets!!

Okay I had something else I was going to write about tonight and then I was reading the news and I saw THIS! Muppets!

Ah dohn kerr whut nobody sez abaht eeit. I love the muppets. Love them. I still laugh at the muppet movies (I own most of them) and if the Muppet Show is out on dvd, I will totally buy every episode. It was my favorite part about Sundays when I was a kid and put me in touch with my love of stupid humor. I cried when Jim Henson died.

That was a fun little jog back for no apparent reason.

o for...

I have nothing to say today but complaining, so feel free to exit now. I'm sick.....again......mostly due to the fact that I don't really get any actual sleep at all during the week and on the weekends, that loud fucker upstairs comes in yelling and pounding around at 5:00am. No joke. 2 nights in a row this weekend.

Then there's the week nights when he is gentler and only wakes me up at 1. I can't blame it all on him, but right now, it feels pretty good. I'm going to get up at 7am again and press their bell again next weekend. Penance for stomping all over the place and bringing the fucking barking ottoman out at 6am on a weekend. I'm going to invent a new game called "annoy the reservist".

Details to follow.

dead horse

And boy do we know how to kick it, that horse that's dead. In this episode, we find ourselves talking about hobbies at which we are talented, yet cannot make any money.

Me: Wow, you're [talent] is really improving, those [items] are very artfully done.

G: Thanks, I wish I could make a nice life for myself with it....alas....

Me: Yeah, if we could do that, I would be a coach and a writer.

G: Wanna start a "do your own thing" commune?

Me: Totes. i'll cook as long as i don't have to do dishes

G: Ditto

Me: We can get our veggies from [friend's girlfriend's] mom's garden, or we can grow our own....uh...for everything.

G: Maybe we just cultivate "things" on this commune and sell them to support our other interests.

Me: Good idear! I am fairly handy with wood working also, so I will build us chairs and tables and we can sell some of those too, quaker style, yo.

Me: Or we can just get some peanuts in bulk and crush them and sell them for $8 a jar. The labels can say 'Hello My Name Is: Peanut Butter'.

G: hahahaha, scribble some b.s. on the back, essentially copying the nutritional info from the original bag-o-nutz.

Me: Perfect. then we'd have food for lunch, too.

the new deal

I had a somewhat perplexing conversation last night, regarding today's inauguration festivities. The person on the other end of the call was not only disinterested, but seemed somewhat put off by the excitement and anticipation that Obama's impending presidency is bringing to our nation.

While I agree wholeheartedly with a robust sense of skepticism and lack of trust in any and all politicians, I also feel very strongly that a leader who understands the gravity of the task ahead of us, is what we desperately need as a nation right now. This is not some "cycle" we are in here. It's not just a housing crisis, or a mis-managed war, or a couple of corrupt, asshole guys in finance taking advantage of investor confidence.

It's a nation-wide housing crisis, where the lion share of people who have bought homes in the last six or seven years, are now losing their homes and their life savings as well. It's every single major bank in the country and a good chunk of the smaller ones, being faced with either closing their doors, or having to ask for and accept billions of dollars in financial aid in order to keep things going. It's the entire investment banking system collapsing and only four percent of hedge-funds in positive gains territory. It's the entire world being in a state of financial crisis and the economies of more than a dozen countries in peril. It's not one, but TWO mis-managed wars, and thousands of our nation's mothers hearing the knock on the door and opening it to find that their son or daughter will never come through that same door again.

I could go on, but the point is, that it's not even like it's one or two or a few of those things, it's all of those things and more. And if we are going to be the (self-touted) leader of the free world, we need someone with the resolve and humility to organize a team, both political and ordinary, that can forge ahead and make a difference.

I have been paying attention to politics, presidents and elections since Jimmy Carter and I can say with absolute certainty, that never in my life, have I seen our nation's citizens to filled with hope and anticipation. Misguided or not, people are ready for what lies ahead and if he does it right, Obama has the chance to change a host of things for every single person. He represents a new step forward in race relations and, if nothing else, I warmly embrace that change and hope to see the parts of our nation where poverty and despair are rampant, filled with hope and grit and determination to build a new community and lift each other up. I hope to see a surge of young, black men and women becoming icons of industry that were previously dominated by others and I hope to see a day where being smart and well-spoken doesn't make a black person "too white", but just smart and well-spoken.

I am willing to give this my full backing, understanding that it could (and the historical odds are that it will) go horribly wrong. My prediction is, either he will be the leader of a new generation of change and prosperity, or the whole ship will go down in flames. Either way, it will be a spectacular sight, but I suspect that if we Americans can keep our heads out of our asses long enough and really come together, we can do something extraordinary, and that's exactly what we need.

Go us.

turning out

He slams his foot on the gas, racing dangerously around the minivan making a right turn behind a school bus, and nearly plows over two people in the crosswalk (me being one of them), only to come screeching to a halt less than 100 yards in front of where he started. There was a 7 year old in the car with him at the time.

Dick.

It was a really smart use of his time and vehicle, especially since he was stopping directly in front of a playground, which serves as a dropping point for an elementary school and a junior high. Good thing he saved those 4 second though. Nearly taking two lives and endangering his kid was totally worth it.

So while I was pissed off on my own and seriously thought about picking up a piece of dirty ice and hurling it at his driver side door, I was more interested in how he came to feel that driving like a maniac in front of schools bursting with children was a good idea. Actually, scratch that. I doubt he gave a squirt of piss what he was doing just then and I'm pretty sure his poor kid is gonna turn out to be an asshole, too.

See, I have a theory on this. It's actually a well-formed theory, being that I coached upwards of a hundred kids each year for about 6 or 7 years. During that time, I had the opportunity to observe the kids both around and away from their parents. Interesting dynamics for sure, but some things started to pretty much become undeniable truths. Ie: if the parents drive like maniacs and act like assholes, so go the kids. So sad.

I wanted to go up to the kid and let him know that it doesn't have to be that way. I have actually wanted to say that to scores of kids, whose parents act like the world is their toilet and everyone owes them a favor, but it is not my place and I really don't know that it would change much anyway. My two cents would last what.....1 minute? As compared with a lifetime of moronic example, my heartfelt plea is mere pittance. Doesn't stand a chance.

I want to tie down the fuckwit parents of these poor, innocent ones and strip them and their children of their reproductive capabilities, in a slightly forced Darwinian effort to save our species from their ilk. But that would border on psychotic, and sadly, is not socially acceptable, even though in the long run, the world would thank me. Whatever.

I guess my only recourse is an icy rock. At least that would ruin their day, although now that I think of it, when you piss off an asshole he becomes increasingly asshole-y, so I think that is a lose-lose as well. Why o why must there be such unfairness?

a test.

Everyone I know thinks they are open. Open in the sense that they embrace new people, new experiences, new cultures......yeahhhh righhhht.

But seriously, no one I know - and my base extends across quite a few social groups - will say "oh, I'm a bigot, or a racist or a misogynist". Not a one. Even after you hear them say something that may make you raise an eyebrow and wonder where it came from, you will hear pretty much anyone deny any sort of preference for one group over another.

So I found this website and there are a whole slew of tests. I want to take them all and see how I stack up. I took the first one and I will hold my results until you people tell me how you did and if you were surprised by the outcome. It's not meant to make you feel like an asshole, but to show and prove how much prejudice is a latent and unmistakable part of our society.

Not the most salacious post, but damn is this interesting.

bombs

So a misunderstanding was had on two sides of a subject. A argument ensued that quickly led to a fight. And then there we were, fighting, fighting fighting, about nothing that matters and things that piss us off for no good reason. And no one is right, yet we still sat there fighting and fighting and fighting.


Him: Well what you should have done was--

Me: O what are you now, the fucking president of how to handle things?

Him: Well...wait, the president?

--slightly audible chuckling--

Him: I'm sorry, but that was really funny. Is it inappropriate to laugh, because my eyes are tearing.

--ensuing laughter for about 10 minutes--

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how you diffuse a bomb.


Athankyou.

all wrong

watch this.

Watching that among other disturbing images on both sides of this long, sad war have left me with some questions.

Assuming Israel is a country, protecting their lands is perfectly and totally logical, understandable and defensible. However, Gaza doesn't recognize Israel as a country. Being scarcely more than 50 years old, and having been fought over for centuries, Gaza, it would seem, is exercising its right to defend what rightfully belongs to it. So who is right?

Just because Israel has the money and the backing of some other nations, none of which border it, have cross-cultural relationships or shared landmarks, does that mean that the Palestinian people are wrong? What if the Siberians came onto US soil and said that since they were here a long time ago and had some landmarks and religious destinations, they wanted to set up a country and move us over? What would we do then?

How would we feel if they showed up with weapons provided by the Russians and bombed their way in, and then set up a government and a bunch of laws, which kept us off of land that we had also been on for centuries or millenia, for the sake of their own "protection"? What if we didn't have the organization that they had to combat it and had to resort to guerilla tactics?

Who is right and who is wrong? And why do we feel it is okay to meddle in circumstances a 200 year old country can't possibly fully grasp?

Open ended, honest and politically incorrect questions.....my specialty.

.....and we're baaaack

Well sort of, but not really.

I'm sick as hell and still sans computer, but it's been a while so I thought I'd wish everyone a happy and healthy new year.

2009 is the year of me, by the way, but I'll get to that when I stop coughing.

fucus

My friend Amine used to say fuck-us, instead of focus and the first time he said it that way, I was crying with laughter. I now at least think of the word that way every single time I hear it.

I can't fucking fucus on anything today. My mind is all over the place, darting in and out of caves and files it shouldn't be in. It's running through my head and just ransacking everything in sight, paying particular attention to the lonely, confused and emotionally wrought centers. It's awesome.

Have you ever noticed that as you get older, things tend to just converge and bottleneck all at once? No picking things off one by one, as they come. It's downpour or drought with everything. So there you are, cruising along for days or weeks or months or even years and then all of a sudden, you have broken bones, lose all interest in watching football and your friends start getting paired up and fleeing to states you made it a point, til now, never to step foot in. The vow of I love yous is wearing on and they are skipping days now.....only a matter of time until they skip off completely....only a matter of time.

So while I am trying desperately to get a hold of stock transfers, project flows and other people's tax documents, I am thinking only of the next time I will be able to walk without pain, have a pair of arms that actually are interested in me and in wrapping around me more than once every handful of weeks, and wondering what the hell I will do with myself when loser Friday or Saturday rolls around. How am I going to finish out this season of Dexter?

Great, I've lost my appetite again. Too bad my ass won't go with it. Well in times of feeling negative and irritated and a little lost,

- you know, I have to bust in on myself here and just admit that this damn thing is just too personal. Not all of this shit happens directly to me and some of it is an amalgam of experiences, but for the most part, things like today are pretty right on. Idiotic maybe, but who cares. I have no qualms about being myself, funny rant or confused and irritated. Sometimes it helps to just talk it out and if it doesn't, well I will refer you kindly back to that little red x in the upper right corner.

Anyway, I have apparently now lost focus to the point where I cannot complete a post on my little at-desk lunch break either, so fuck it. I'm pissed, I'm confused and I can't do the one thing that would actually help me process everything, and that is RUN. I can and have run in the figurative sense, but the literal still evades me.

It's like I'm now relegated to the sidelines of my life, to watch my friends and acquaintances healthy, getting super fit, making lives with people who love them and here I sit as an observer. If I didn't have job satisfaction (for which I am extremely grateful), I may be searching for the trigger with my broken big toe.

But, I'm not. I am slogging on and counting the days until I return to the land of my people to try and see if I can't just get my damn head screwed back on the right way. Not bloody likely, but at least I won't be freezing, and frustrated.

Damn, this was so lame and yet I'm still going to hit 'publish'. We are hitting new lows, people. Time to get the hiking boots out and go for a climb out of the pity pit.

still

Still no computer.

Still all my thoughts, bottled up like some sort of soda-bomb.

Still wondering why I only get my mail 2 times a week.

Stillpretending this blackberry isnt making me fully carpal.

BUT....only 7 days to vacation, so I suppose I can sit still a little longer.

Sorry these posts suck when I have no computer. I'd say it will get better, but I'm not much for lying.

Still waiting for 2 feet to walk on at the same time.

Still wondering how the boulder-esque dirt clod got in my house.

So much going on.

relegated

So I lent my laptop out this week, while taking pity on our compliance attorney's 22 hour flight schedule. Back to the pecking at the blackberry. If they dont have it already, I'm going to just invent a fold-up keyboard that can be plugged into this thing; I played 8 years of piano and was fine, but this damn thing is going to make me fully carpal.

I should so be passed out by now.

Right then,so all I have left in my tired bones is a quote I read that stuck with me:

"Prejudice is the child of ignorance."

True, no matter what the subject.

how to do war

In today's session, we examine how to deal with war and threat of insurgent danger......

[lights raise on a pair of friends having transitioned from a more serious conversation, into one perforated by a bit of levity].

G: .....her sister seems the same way in the few words that she spoke about the military. in general those who are raised in it and stay close to it kinda drink the cool aid; they don't seem to question much.

me: yeah, def.

G: which is actually the opposite of what the military teaches it's officers"theoretically"oh well thank god there are men like [General who is not a Bushie].

me: i know, and it's funny that the infantrymen are usually the most conservative, when it's they who are getting the shaft the most.

G: and women, haha right?! it's easy for a pilot to lock on to the dot and drop his shit and be back in his warm rack a few hours later. "easy"...

me: relatively speaking, yes.

G: easier than slugging it out on the ground.

me: no mano a mano.

G: it's crazy to think about how we used to wage war. makes you reconsider a time when it was not as surgical as today.

me: i know, people cared about the war differently before vietnam / korea sent in this new era, because they were in it - hunkered down together with no amenities, no internet, no phones anywhere.

G: i'd rather be shot 5 times than get my arm hacked off with a sword, etc.

me: seriously

G: but only 5. 6 is pushing it, haha.

me: get impaled by a bayonet or get shot with a lead, round bullet from a distance and then have to reload your gun......bust out a little kit before you can take your next shot.

G: i dunno... things are just more tame - more like a video game these days. it makes things seem less deadly for those on the ground, when they're not at all.

me: yeah, now you can even shoot around a corner now, so you are watching the person you are shooting at on a screen. Not like the "whites of their eyes" anymore.

G: the fact that generals no longer physically watch their men get slaughtered is also good for the war business .

me: never have to make eye contact or smell someones breath going out of them.

G: yeah

me: it's totally a video game. when they get shot AT, it's very real though. i wouldn't want to be staring down a guy holding an rpg.

G: ? D&D?!

me: d&d?

G: too bad Akmed! I'm a level 38457293875 arch mage, and right before you detonated yourself, i cast a suicide bomb shield orb. hahaha

me: hahahahahahaha ,totally. what if you could yell that out on the battlefield?

me: dude, you can't shoot that grenade at me, because by the decree of Eaton, i cast a bullet-repelling force field, so your weapons are useless and will turn back against you! I am now invincible.

G: i am employing the "i don't wanna die" clause - simple but effective.

me: i'm also invoking the "no-maiming" addendum .

G: hahaha

me: dude, we could save so many lives. we should tour the world with this stuff. we can solve soooo many problems with such sound rhetoric.

G: what happens when "believing" in it just isn't enough?

me: hm....we may have to give some thought to that objection, but as we learn in sales, there are no real objections - they can all be overcome.

G: "um, i guess you need to amp up your faith, people."

me: crank it, dude! my faith is at ELEVEN, yo.

G: that's how the jeebus freaks do it

me: It could totally work and soon, people will be fighting with cardboard and duct tape, the way god intended.

diet starts with die

So I've been on this "diet" for the last 2 weeks, and it is scheduled to continue into perpetuity. It's not a humongous, life-altering change in my eating habits, which are actually good. It's more an elimination of a few items, to be enjoyed only as a last resort or rare addition, none of which I will miss very much. It's designed to help my stupid foot and shoulder improve and stop hurting me to the point of inactivity.

My metabolism is at ZERO right now. Zero as in, it can't possibly get any slower.

I haven't lost any weight on this "diet", in fact, things have sort of gone the other way, but I'm not pulling the plug on it, because I'm trying steady state today, to see how my little paw feels after I've been on the spin bike for 45 minutes or so.

My point in mentioning this however, is to note that both yesterday and on Thanksgiving day, I strayed from my new regimen and ate: items containing gluten; dairy, pre-packaged / processed items; alcohol. I woke up this morning to an achy shoulder and foot.

Coincidence? I think not.

Nothing better than feeling abnormally large AND horrifyingly sedentary before falling asleep. Lucky for me, falling asleep to a food coma means.....yup you guessed it.....waking up at 3am to feel it some more. Awesome.

So I guess now would be just as good a time as any, to mention how much I hate it that people poop on the sidewalk.

sigh and chuckle

The definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior over and over again, expecting different results each time. it doesn't seem so insane the first, say, dozen or so times, but after a couple of years worth accrue, one has to wonder what sort of deficiency blocks the realization that things are simply not going to change.

So why is it that I continue to be baffled by what people do? Surprised that I can't get a straight answer to simple questions, mystified when I am cut off and stepped on as I exit the subway train, nonplussed when some hothead flips out over something that would seemingly be pleasant and beneficial to him or her.

And yet I continue. I say please, thank you and excuse me, knowing that such courtesies will most like not be returned and more often than not, will be met with a blank, perplexed stare. Sometimes to boot, I will also get a challenge from the recipient, as if a fight should break out. It's like bizarro world, sometimes and all I can really do is just laugh a little. What a bunch of odd folk, out there.

Only a couple more obstacles in my way, until I am whisked away on a train, to rumble past the obnoxious and confusing and head out to a place of warm cookies and family dinner and lounging around - at least for a day.

I bid you a happy turkey day, in advance. May your plate be full and your mind be empty.

rally

So occasionally during the day, friends stop by to chat for a second. Often times, we will briefly discuss relevant social, economic, or political issues, with varying degrees of intensity.

dude: rally. effing rally.

me: okay that reminds me of a steel pulse song. "rally round the flag, rally round the flag, rally round the red, gold, black and green...."

dude: I'm hoping for a market rally

me: haha....aren't we all. my bonus potential is tied to that damn market

dude: 7k is scary. we should do a road race fundraiser for stock market relief

me: i know right? we'll get a band called "the economists" to play and everyone can flick their four pound, engraved lighters. we can have a bake sale and a t-shirt stand too. The t-shirts could say "capitalism is hot"

dude: only serve redbull to drink

me: I'll make little dollar sign cookies

dude: give away free yay

me: hahaha we can weave hats out of ticker tape

dude: get e'rwon firrredup for dat rally!

me: good stuff, man


It's okay to be disturbed.

grid

I have had about all I can take for the moment, and it seems it is time to steel up. I think now is a good time to just fall off the grid.

Here I go.