...your cause

This is probably going to come off sounding ungrateful, but I don't care, because:

a) it's the truth, and I tell it whether it makes me popular or not and
b) it's ridiculous in a totally fucked up, kind of funny way.

There are three people I wish had not donated to the NY marathon on my behalf. I know, it's kind of messed up to be wishing people had not donated to a very worthy charity. I'm not saying they shouldn't have donated at all, I just wish it wasn't associated with me, because I had to devote thought to the two of those three, who I have made a concerted effort to forget.

Of the three, two are related and one of the relatives is not a part of the "I'd like to forget knowing you" scenario. Caught up now? Because I'm totally and completely perplexed as to why they bothered to donate at all. The one, we'll call him DA, did it for purely selfish reasons, which is kind of funny. A little ego-masturbation session for him so he can say "see? see?" No. We don't see....or actually we do, just we see the truth and not what you want us to see. The deeper the layers go with DA, the more I uncover bits of truth behind so, so very much deception and shadiness. DA is no longer regarded as a 'good guy', nor should he be by me, anyway. I'm sure there are still suckers out there, though, and given his new-found success, I'm sure he'll come by one in short order and he'll two-second his way through that as well.

The other, we'll call her DAS, left me completely befuddled. Seriously. Totally confused, especially considering the response when I thanked her. The best line EVER though was "I support your cause and best of luck," a line which followed some attempt at chastising me. I laughed out loud, at my desk, in a quiet office when I read that. The unspoken "but not you" may as well have been highlighted in bold letters. That is the most subtly bitchy thing I have seen in a while and I actually found it quite stoic and artful in the simplicity of the delivery. But it begs the question, why the fuck did you send something in, then?

Actually, given what I know of DA and his family, this sort of thing probably shouldn't confuse me. They don't actually ever say anything nice, or loving, or supportive to the people they purport to love (something both personally demonstrated and anectodally relayed to me over a long period of time), so why start now with the pariah? No, seriously, why? So that the inevitable opportunity to criticize could be seized?

I'll take the money and run, literally. What I have gained in the last few years is the awareness that in certain situations - which are far fewer and further between for me than for some - I'm perfectly justified in being selfish. This is one of those cases. I'm also perfectly justified in not changing my mind over a measly hundred bucks which masqueraded as charitable, but was really a self-serving gesture. No, I will have a little chuckle to myself and give credit to DA for knowing I don't give a fuck what he thinks about anything in the world. Credit to him for not trying to douchefully get in touch. Next time though, keep your money. You and that other lady (the one not introduced into this story) can - still - go fuck yourselves.

The prologue to this is, after the perplexion - if that's even a word - I ran it out and thought about November 6th. I will be a few days into my next year on earth, am definitely far wiser, I will have raised nearly $4000 for charity, and my return to racing, athletics and my escape from shady fuckers will be cemented. So yeah, I'll take that confusing cash...this time.