tough times

I’ve been wallowing actively for quite some time now. Emphasis on actively. Forward motion is the only way out. No secret that I’ve been broke as fuck and therefore unable to properly enjoy my New York experience right now. I have managed to have a pretty good time despite, but overall, I’ve sort of been stuck in my hole, diligently climbing out, one hard-earned penny at a time.

I am soooooooo not alone in this though. I wish I had some funny little quip to offer here, but it really seems like this is the time for abject struggle for so many people with whom I am in contact. It’s almost like the world is stuck in tribulation mode and even though we are all beating furiously at the wall, it barely budges under our pounding.

The hardest part, I think, is to be utterly powerless to lift the burden of the people I love and care about. On the one hand, it forces me to deal with my own shit and get squared away so that I can be a better friend, listener, girlfriend, sister or whatever. On the other hand however, it frustrates me to no end to not be able to swoop in and fix. Being a “fixer” when unable to fix causes a short in my brain.

It also makes me nuts because most of the people I know are a lot like me in the sense that they don’t want to call up and bitch about their hardships and their circumstances. Most people I know don’t like the sound of their own voices when there’s not much good news to report. Funny, because we all seem to sort of specialize in being good listeners and good sounding boards, yet we fail to exploit this set of skills from one another the way we should. We just want it to get better already so that we can move on with our lives.

The true whiners of the world seem to kill it for the rest of us, because when they bitch about stupid shit like the slow worker at the coffee shop or the maid not performing to standard, they suck the life out of us and hammer home the desire to never sound like that, ever, for any reason, ever.

No point here really, other than to say that shit is rough. We will keep our collective heads up and push ahead. No option to stop, so we’ll keep drilling this cave until there’s light on the other side. My bit’s not worn yet.