contemptible behavior analysis

I woke up to yet another e mail this morning, from a friend who had been wronged by her boyfriend, subsequently ending the relationship. The story here is not in the fact that he went over to her house, detailed the fact that he has, in the last year and change, "cheated on her too many times to count," and let her know that none of the girls meant anything to him, much as she doesn't now (and never did). It's not in the fact he was so blatant about both the cheating and the retelling that it made me step back and think about something other than what a fucking asshole he is. No, this is not a man-hater post, because I am not a man hater, by any stretch. This is sheer curiosity and analysis of behavior that just baffles me.

There is not a person I know who has not either been cheated on, experienced some significant hurt in a relationship, done something themselves that they deeply regretted, or all of the above. It's how the situation is handled, by both the hurter or the hurtee, that I think ultimately sets people apart. So on the one hand, I commend my friend's now-ex for just up and telling the truth, finally, and giving it to her straight. On the other hand, I abhor him for being such a shifty weasel that he would knowingly take advantage of another person and then expose her to every other slut he was out on the town fucking. And he is promiscuous, o yes.

Questions abound. Why take someone to meet your family? Why go through all of the "I love yous" and the vacations and the lazy Sunday's in bed, if where you're really headed is into a series of one night stands and lies? He actually said that not only did he lie, but he lied about lying and then walked away laughing about it all. Why do that to someone who obviously intends to treat you well and love you? That's just plain fucked up.

There are plenty of people in the world who are open to a situation that has no substance and a short shelf-life. In fact, I'm sure we've all dabbled in a situation or two resembling that in our lives, for various reasons which don't involve the desire to damage another person. But in that situation, there are no illusions, everything is up front and no one gets hurt. If no one wants a commitment, no commitment is made and when the utility of the circumstance expires, everyone moves on. Sexual responsibility is practiced, so no one is in any danger of exposure to things or people to whom they do not want to be tied and it's all (seemingly) neat and tidy. But when the lying and deceit are introduced, well that's just shady, selfish bullshit that I don't understand.

What I see here, is an open and shut case of soiled karma and future comeuppance. My poor friend will rebound, have learned to trust her instincts better and she will move on eventually to a healthy, loving relationship and blah blah blah. All will be right and well with the world and he will be nothing more than a horrifying story to tell while in a pack of girls, one of whom has just been wronged, and so on and so on. (Isn't this how urban legends get started?)

But him - and if a woman did this, I would wish the same upon her - he will get his one day in the form of a few thousand spirochetes, smelly discharge, broken heart or #7 bus and though we will probably not all be there to see it, inside my soul rejoices because the universe operates on action vs. consequence. If you are a surreptitious, trashy asshole, the world will wise up and treat you as such. Technically then, I guess the "why" doesn't matter so much in the end, because you want to act like a dishonest slut, well then the world will conspire to achieve the consequences you seem to be looking for. Good luck, assholes.