wake up

I posed this question on facebook, which of course is the litmus test for all things being "real".

"Why can I wake up at 6am for an annoying dental visit (yes my dentist operates on hours that I can actually make), yet I can't wake up at 6am for a workout, which is awesome?"

No one chimed in. Probably because that was a rhetorical question and also probably because it is a stupid question. Part of me thinks that years of 4:30am wakeups did me in and I used up all of my capacity for that. I know that's bullshit, so the rest of me thinks it's because there is no outside pressure to do so. Plus I'm an insomniac who can't fall asleep or stay asleep.

See, I have been struggling with the whole "real athlete" thing. I trained like a motherfucker for so long and did workouts that only a sliver of people in the world would want to do for such an extended period of time, that the whole go-to-the-gym-and-take-a-class thing just seems like a cop-out to me. This is stupid. As I would tell any normal person, just getting your ass there and doing anything at all, puts you in a far better position to succeed and step it up in short order.  You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Where I stand now, yoga makes me sore. Granted this is no slouch's yoga, but really? I mean, really? Sore abs from yoga is an embarrassment to someone who routinely had a coach (albeit a very small coach) literally stand on her stomach during leg raises. The state of affairs is ridiculous and if I want to start racing again when I move, and I desperately do, I need to get back up with real lifting and quantifiable progress in my bigger muscle groups. Yes, I need to go back in with the boys and start squatting and deadlifting and carrying a 45lb weight through my ab circuits. At present, if I held a 45lb over my head while I did crunches, I'd come away with a broken nose and a fractured skull, after I dropped it on my face.

Progress - albeit slow progress - has been made, but I'm at the point now where I have 19 days left in the year to show myself that I can maintain some level of consistency and to not have one of those December 31st self-flogging fests, where I bitch and moan about letting myself down yet again. I did run a marathon this year, so regardless, it won't be a total loss, but I need to put some serious thought and effort into that 6am question.

After all, that's a good ninety minutes after the hour that I used to bounce (or slither) out of bed to go row in sleet, snow, rain, and cold. Bullshit.