one mile

i went to dinner with the boy tonight and had waaaayyyy too much sushi. i had gone swimming earlier and when i got home, he was already there and we were both ravenous. so we went, we gorged, we joked around, did all the touchy feely hand holding across the table bullshit and we watched two turtles dig frantically through the rocks at the bottom of their tank, looking for their shoes, or maybe one of them lost an earring. it was lovely.

then we left the restaurant and i was faced with the grim reality that i had eaten way too much and i just felt disgusting. belly distended, ready to burst out my gluttonous meal i was in a quandry. what to do, what to do. a walk was the only real answer i could come up with and so off i went. all in all i walked 2 blocks further than a mile down and up first avenue.

if you walk south on first avenue from my house, you will pass the UN. this means that there is virtually nothing else around to do at night because most of the restaurants and shops in that area close pretty early and the rest of it is all residence for dignitaries and filthy rich people. but within this mile, these are the things i encountered.

a boob. not a stupid person, but an actual boob. a girl who was clearly at the top of her drinking game, had on an adorable halter, tie back top. sooo cute. and then out came the boob. i'm not really sure how it initially came out, but it reared it's small, pointy self RIGHT at the moment i stepped past. so she pulled the other one out of the other side of the shirt and covered both nipples with 2 fingers from each hand. very graceful.

an ass. not a donkey or a rude person, but an actual ass. i actually smelled the person belonging to the ass before i even laid eyes on the ass, because the ass was parked on a slatted bench facing the world with a pair of teal colored sweats over the front of this person's body. the person, also clearly drunk, had a cartfull of his or her belongings (hard to distinguish gender in this case), and was drooling, so i didn't think it would really do anyone much good to make him or her aware of the bareness and subsequent eye damage suffered by all passersby.

a lover's quarrel. i was juuuust about at halfway and ready to turn around when i spotted a couple. average looking in every way and holding one hand, their eyes never veered from each other as i passed. it was obviously a solemn moment and the quarrel was happening at a reduced volume, which i noted was very considerate on their parts. i don't like to have arguments in the house either because it brings bad energy in, so i choose to walk and talk about such serious and troublesome things outdoors. they must have felt the same, so i scurried on by, hoping not to have broken anyone's concentration. there is nothing worse than not being able to get your point across because some nosey parker comes by and jars your train of thought.

soon after that i passed a strange, silver obelisk-esque statue, just before tudor city. i decided that was one block further than a half mile, so i turned around. plus i was on a mission for gatorade and didn't want anyone to get parched as i cruised leisurely around. the turn was made and i was back on my way up the street. same street and same side of the street as well.
strangely, the way back up was not nearly as interesting as the way down, although i did see a woman in a diner window sneaking in a pick of her nose while her other party went and paid the bill. what is it about restaurant windows that makes people think they are invisible? we can seeeee youuuuu.

after that i was nearly hit by a rickety old truck careening around the corner at about 25 miles an hour, but since i'm so spry, i lept to my own safety without my heart rate going up so much as a beat.

i realize the story is declining at a rapid rate becuase most of the good stuff was on the first half of the walk, but it was, at that moment, as if the universe knew that i was getting bored and that i needed one more element to add to my tale. and there it was.

it was as if he had his own, personal spotlight on him and i was so excited to be the only other person on that part of the block at that moment. it was a sad clown. i don't really know whether or not he meant to be dressed as a clown, but the flourescent colored madras-style shorts, the seemingly strategically ripped shirt, bright red hair and yellow and green shoes really spoke to me in an o-my-god-i'd-better-get-a-move-on kind of way. it was impressive however, the way he managed to pull that outfit off. one wonders what kind of thought process goes into that sort of getup anyway.

and there you have it. one mile, less than 20 minutes and these are the things i witnessed. god i love new york.