buzz buzz

First, and apropos to nothing, I cooked - really cooked and put the effort into a nice meal last night, for the first time in over a month...chicken thighs simmered in a curry sauce with oven roasted brussel sprouts on the side.  For reference, I was generally cooking about 5 nights a week, prior to my hiatus.  It felt good to be back on the horse.  

More to the point of the title of this post however, is the sheer terror I experienced yesterday.  People were nearly killed.  The punchline is, no one sees the vehement attacker, they only see the crazy chick throwing phones and make up and running around waving her arms, while a stunned lunatic, conspiracy theorist watches in silence and awe nearby.  

I had a meeting at the Hay-Adams hotel yesterday.   The Hay-Adams, across the street from the White House, is super old-timey and not the sort of place into which one cruises to a meeting looking disheveled.  Generally speaking, I do any makeup I wear on the train on the way to work and yesterday was no exception.  The hotel is a good handful of stops before work however, so I was unable to finish applying my face.  I decided to sit on a bench in the park facing the White House and finish things up.  

This is where it all went wrong.  

I was able to ignore the ranting conspiracy theorist and begin what should have been a two minute process, when out of nowhere came an incredibly large and aggressive bumble bee.  This thing was the size of a half-dollar and had absolutely no intention of leaving me alone.  I'm guessing it could smell my fear.  

I waved my one free hand this way and that as it darted and bobbed and weaved, inching ever closer to my never-been-stung self and then it finally flew off.  I breathed a sigh of relief and continued with the finishing touches to the eye that was previously bare.  I should take the time to point out that it was a little Clockwork Orangey, walking around with only one eye's worth of make up on, but whatever.  All of a sudden, out of nowhere, the Volkswagen-sized bee comes charging with a vengeance and an angry, sinister look in his eye.  I jumped up and began frantically waiving my arms, while simultaneously spilling my phone and my entire bag onto the walk in front of the bench.  Which, as you'll recall is also in front of the White House and the fancy hotel.  As the plainclothes started closing in on me, I gathered up my scattered belongings and skittered off - most likely with a red laser dot trained on me.  

So here's what I say to that....  Fuck you, bee.  You just made me look WORSE than a pacing, ranting conspiracy theorist in front of the damn White House and a nice hotel.  But of course.....nobody sees the bee, they only see the crazy chick.  I see you...you're making that "suuuuurrreee there was a bee.  Riiiight" face.  Not cool, dude.  The bee was real, the bee was armed.