breaky break

So I uh..had kind of a lot going on there for a while - which is ironic since technically nothing was happening - but I had to take a little break from writing.  

I'm down to my last dollar and the next couple of months are going to be REALLY rough, but hey...at least I have my health, a new job (finally) and a haircut.  The rest...well it is what it is.  Sometimes you get the rug pulled from underneath you, because of any of a million things and it's time to take a break, re-evaluate what is in your life, and reset.  This, apparently, is one of those times for me and I'm going to deal with it the best way I know how; by working harder.  

I am SO sore, but at least I got the run completed.  Time to literally run things out of my system.  See, what I have learned in life is that trying to control things leads primarily to your own unhappiness.  You can work as hard as you want, be as competent, professional, talented, loving, whatever the situation - you can be as amazing as possible and you still have little to no control over how other people choose to see you or deal with you, because they are operating from within the scope of their limitations.  

So then, the only thing to do is just relax and run it out of your system.  Hurt, disappointment and anger are toxic.  It's not that it isn't okay to feel those things, it's just not okay to let them dictate who you are.  The right people will see what you have to offer, so you just have to learn to choose better.  The right employer will see your talent and want you to be a part of their team as badly as you want to be on it.  The right love will see you with honest, open eyes and love you as you are, if you are always trying to move in a positive direction.  The right friends will accept you, support you and encourage you to be the best version of yourself.  And if it's not right - if one half of the equation can't get out of their own way - well then you have to just keep moving forward.  It's not the end, just the end of that.  

I've had an incredibly conflicting week, but the bottom line of it is that I created an opportunity and then took advantage and these struggles will soon be over.  I will feel better soon, because the knowledge that one cannot change another's eyes, mind, or heart is liberating.  We do the best we can with what we've got.  Get away from what hurts you, because what hurts you will always blame you for it.  What is good for you will always encourage and stand beside you, because what is good for half, is good for the whole.  And that's the truth.