those days

There are those days when you have a final and things are annoying you and your house is a mess because you don't yet have your sofa or your dresser......

And then someone dies and none of it matters. 

I have lost two friends in recent years to suicide.  They were about the same age when they did it, too.  Two very smart, caring men with bright futures and lots of friends who cared about them.  Two good souls who were so locked inside themselves that they saw their only way through as out.  It breaks my heart to pieces to think that gone forever was a better option than another day, week, month, or year.  Why? 

There is a large part of me that is angered by this.  I have another friend, whom I have known since childhood, who has tried - an fortunately failed - a few times now.  He would leave behind a loving wife and an adorable, smart son.  I get angry with him, but have to keep that inside, because the anger doesn't fix anything for the tortured soul.  All one can do is try to be as supportive as possible, assuming the problem is visible on any level.  If you don't know however.....

My heart is heavy.  I hope you have found some peace, my dear friends.  I hope that things truly are better as your soul rejoins the cosmos.