learning to walk

well it's the best damned thing ever that no one knows this is here or reads this shit. this way i can rant on about whatever the hell i want without fear of reproach. sorta.

anywho, i have taken a grand tumble and in the spirit of quick healing, i've pretty much just been on the couch with my leg elevated, icing one of several badly bruised parts of my body. the funny thing about it is that i'm paying the physical karma for ranting on about how stupid people are on the sidewalk. so while i sit here with a bag of frozen berries consoling my injury, i will go over some sidewalk stuff.

there is only so much room on a new york sidewalk. there are sooo many things to consider and the sidewalk dynamic changes at different times of day, so you have to be paying attention. people are walking in and out of the thousands of doorways you pass with varying levels of attentiveness. This means that there is a perpendicular factor involved in managing the stream of situations. I have found however, that many times the people going into and out of the stores are actually the most aware, given a situation. the trouble is with your fellow in traffic. the man or woman who is walking in the same direction on the same side of the street who has no fucking sense of his or her surroundings.

this person has no idea that when walking in a limited space, some basic courtesies should be extended. for example, don't zone out and wander aimlessly during morning or afternoon rush hour foot traffic. people have their walks timed down to the minute during these times. i know exactly how much time it takes to get to work within 2 minutes. i rarely see the same people on the sidewalk, which i find interesting, but i can't have some jackass weaving around like a drunkard when i'm on my way to work. it fucks up my flow and it's just generally annoying. i am not alone in this sentiment.

i am also not alone in thinking that when in a crowd of 3 or more, the crowd is required to give way to the single pedestrian and not force said pedestrian into a planter or a heater grate (particularly annoying to the woman in heels). a simple sidestep by any one person in the party will alleviate so much irritation for so many people. these nuisances are compounded during times of 'weather' by the random ice / mud burm, 3-bag-deep garbage, the heater grates that on some blocks take up most of the area and so many other possible obstacles. this is not the environment in which to be unaware.

now i do admit that i am one known to zone out and get lost in my thoughts while i wander around. i try to do this late at night or in places where it is socially acceptable not to be on your game; not hog up the sidewalk and piss off my fellow pedestrians. by this measure, i exempt myself from participating in this annoyance-fest because during normal work and transit times, i make it a point to be cognizant of what is going on around me.

all of this was true until friday, when in a fit of stupidity, i didn't look where i stepped and it all went terribly awry. i crashed down on so many parts of my body simultaneously that it must have looked how it looks when little kids are learning to walk and just spontaneously take a huge dive and take out an entire hemisphere of their bodies. only when you're 32 years old, size and gravity are not friends. so i interrupted the path of many, while also providing instant laughter and fodder for the breakfast table the next day.

i'm not sure what the actual point was of this anecdote, but the dual achievements i believe are that i have laughed at my own stupidity and educated my vast audience on the tip of the iceberg where sidewalk etiquette is concerned.